Looking for some advice- Pregnancy and MOH duties

jlayne86

Hi there,

I'm new here! I wasn't really sure where to post this, but I figured the 3rd trimester section might be the most relevant to the topic.

 My husband and I have been "mentally" baby ready for a while now, but we've hit a lot of roadblocks along the way and we keep bumping back our TTC date. I'm finally entering the stages of- "If we wait till the perfect time, we'll never have kids" mentality. Recently, we decided that we have enough of the pieces in place to really consider TTC-ing soon, even if everything isn't perfect. 

I'm running a marathon March 14th, and we'd like to consider trying as soon as possible after that. However, I am my best friend's MOH in her wedding in Mid-November. So I'm trying to figure out what to do as far as our TTC timeline. On one hand, we are anxious to start and I'm worried it may take a while to actually GET pregnant, but on the other hand, I don't want to mess up her wedding. She's extremely anxious about what I am going to do, and I felt a little attacked when I told her we are wanting to start as soon as we can after the March 14th date.

Anyone have any advice they'd like to share? We live about 15 hours apart (with my parents in the middle), so we'd definitely be driving to the wedding, so flight travel shouldn't be a significant concern. She has 7 other bridesmaid's, so if I can't attend/participate in the Bachelorette party, she would be covered. My biggest concerns are being so pregnant I might miss the wedding if something happened. 

I want to be a good friend and a good MOH and make sure her needs are met- her wedding is important to me, but so is my own life plan. My husband and I want a few kids, and I don't want to wait too much longer. I was thinking if we waited until at least April, maybe mid-april, we should be ok even if we get pregnant immediately? It's of course entirely possible we may not even concieve right away, and it could be a non-issue. Just trying to prepare for the "worst case" scenario.

If anyone has advice or thoughts, I'd love to hear it. Similar situations, 3rd trimester pregnancy concerns and travel, etc etc. 

Thank you!

janda426

jlayne86 said:

Hi there,

I'm new here! I wasn't really sure where to post this, but I figured the 3rd trimester section might be the most relevant to the topic.

 My husband and I have been "mentally" baby ready for a while now, but we've hit a lot of roadblocks along the way and we keep bumping back our TTC date. I'm finally entering the stages of- "If we wait till the perfect time, we'll never have kids" mentality. Recently, we decided that we have enough of the pieces in place to really consider TTC-ing soon, even if everything isn't perfect. 

I'm running a marathon March 14th, and we'd like to consider trying as soon as possible after that. However, I am my best friend's MOH in her wedding in Mid-November. So I'm trying to figure out what to do as far as our TTC timeline. On one hand, we are anxious to start and I'm worried it may take a while to actually GET pregnant, but on the other hand, I don't want to mess up her wedding. She's extremely anxious about what I am going to do, and I felt a little attacked when I told her we are wanting to start as soon as we can after the March 14th date.

Anyone have any advice they'd like to share? We live about 15 hours apart (with my parents in the middle), so we'd definitely be driving to the wedding, so flight travel shouldn't be a significant concern. She has 7 other bridesmaid's, so if I can't attend/participate in the Bachelorette party, she would be covered. My biggest concerns are being so pregnant I might miss the wedding if something happened. 

I want to be a good friend and a good MOH and make sure her needs are met- her wedding is important to me, but so is my own life plan. My husband and I want a few kids, and I don't want to wait too much longer. I was thinking if we waited until at least April, maybe mid-april, we should be ok even if we get pregnant immediately? It's of course entirely possible we may not even concieve right away, and it could be a non-issue. Just trying to prepare for the "worst case" scenario.

If anyone has advice or thoughts, I'd love to hear it. Similar situations, 3rd trimester pregnancy concerns and travel, etc etc. 

Thank you!

My advice is you couldn't possibly be putting the cart in front of the horse any more. You aren't pregnant. You aren't even TTC yet. You may not be pregnant for a year. Ask this question when it's relevant because going into detail about traveling during 3rd tri is completely irrelevant to you right now. All you are expected to do as a MOH is show up in your dress for the wedding. If it's that important, don't try to be pregnant at that time. I really don't know what else to tell you

jennypolkadots

I can't imagine there ever being a full year without some big event, vacation, etc. that it would be better not to be pregnant during. Your TTC plans should never be based on these things because TTC is one of those things you just can't control and life is going to continue rather you're pregnant or not. I wouldn't even wait until after the marathon if you feel ready now and the marathon isn't as important to you as TTC. You may or may not get pregnant quickly, no one knows.

If you feel ready, start TTC. If you get pregnant then you can deal with all the after effects. You'll have an EDD and can better plan for how involved you can be in a wedding. I understand your friend being sort of bummed that her "perfect day" may not look the way she pictured, but you have a life to live and being a maid of honor pales in comparison to becoming a mother. If you get pregnant, then you tell her and give her an easy opt-out of "I want you do know my feelings won't be hurt if you choose someone else for your MOH". This is a very common issue with weddings that are a year or more in the future.

Honestly, I can't imagine being a MOH for a wedding that is taking place 15 hours away. I understand if you are just very close friends, but planning parties, showers, and all the wedding duties of a typical MOH would be super tough with that much distance. It may work out for the best if she chooses someone else anyways. 

BookitBoo

I would say get pregnant and then worry about a timeline. It could take a while to conceive . Personally, I wouldn't plan my pregnancy around anyone's event. Is there any reason you want to wait until after the marathon to try, or is because it's a convenient day?

taahira

A few things come to mind. There is no telling how long it will take for you to fall pregnant once you start trying. So in November you cannot predict how far a long you will be. No matter what trimester you are in, there are always different symptoms to contend with. In regards to the 3rd, possibly bigger, a little more uncomfortable but it terms of traveling and attending functions it really shouldn't be a problem. Unless you have a high risk pregnancy, but again you cannot predict that either. I don't think you are ever truly ready, stars are never all in a line. There will always be something happening while trying or when you are pregnant. You just adapt to the condition you maybe in at the time. I wouldn't put my life plans on hold for anything or anyone. It can take a healthy couple up to a year to concieve. I wouldn't wait any longer if you have decided that's the next step in your life.

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crunchymamaof2

MOHs and bridesmaids have no duties. You're required to purchase the chosen dress and show up at the wedding. You're overthinking this big time. Cross this bridge whenever you get pregnant.

SSCmomma

If you really want to have a baby then you need to put that ahead of your friends wedding. As other PP's mentioned, it could take a while to get pregnant so it may be a non issue but even if it is, if your friend is upset your pregnancy will interfere with her wedding might I suggest a new friend?

NicoleWI

I agree that it's silly to put YOUR life plans on hold. On the other hand, this could become an issue for you if you conceived right away. Have you figured out exactly when you are likely to ovulate and then counted from there to see how many weeks you'd be at the wedding? Are you charting yet?? You should look into that if you have no idea what I mean. I'd do the math first. If you are more than 36 weeks, your doctor probably will not want you to travel more than 1.5 hours away. That's the policy with mine, generally. Also, I personally would be extremely uncomfortable on a 15 hour road trip at that point and there's NO WAY I'd want to do that. Even 7.5 hours to your parents' house would not be fun. And if you did go into labor, what would you do? How would you feel about handling that situation?

There's no way to know how you will do with conception. It could take years, or one month. I think I"d try to plan on not being more than 32 weeks or so at the time of the wedding, at the most, even if that means you postpone by a month.

delujm0

I'm MOH in my sister's wedding in june. I'll be 38 weeks and it's an 8 hour drive.

If the doctor clears me to go I'll go (for the shortest amount of time possible before getting back in the car and coming home) and if I can't go I can't go. A baby is forever and the wedding is one day. I wasn't going to put off ttc on account of a one day event.

I prob will skip the bachelorette party but am planning the shower for early May. My sister was my MOH last year and my bff actually did all the Bach party planning so it's not like she can be mad if I push that off on her best friend this time around.

If your friend is worried about your possible pregnancy ruining her wedding she's not a very good friend honestly. Anyone who thinks their wedding should be more important to their guests than their guests family planning is delusional. TTC whenever you are ready.

Also fwiw several of my friends have run marathons during their first trimesters and it's been fine...there's really no need at this point to put off ttc because of an upcoming race either if you don't want to. But that's your call. I didn't start modifying my workouts until 6-8 weeks into my pregnancy, but that could be different for you.

JenLa21

Just some dates for fun... We conceived my son between March 6th and 8th and my due date was Nov 29th, changed to Dec 1st. He came on Nov 19 at 38 weeks.

I wouldn't really plan your possible pregnancy around your friends wedding. But you should also start tracking your cycle if you are serious about TTC. You may ovulate in early march and have to wait until April anyway. But there are really no ways to plan this stuff so exact.

I am a planner by nature, so I understand your thoughts but really, this is one thing you just can't plan.
But just looking at the dates, if you started trying at the end of March, or early April, you should be okay. But me personally... Maybe I'd wait til at least April to start trying.

Even though you aren't flying.. You are still traveling a great distance, and you will be very inconfortble in the car if you do end up getting pregnant right away. And you will also be very far from your own Dr and hospital if you did end up in early labor. Which is unlikely, but still something to think about.

Good luck!

cinderella4282

If you're ready for a baby - then start trying. There will NEVER be a good time. You can run a marathon pregnant - you can be a MOH pregnant - you can travel pregnant (up to a certain point). 

As other posters have mentioned, you can get pregnant on the first try - or it can take many months. No way of knowing until you actively start trying.

janda426

Hey op thanks for wasting everyone's time, it's pretty fucking rude to never come back to the thread you started

CogDis

Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans.