Would you TTC and talk about it at a new job?

thelittlestbee

I work in the legal industry, so our office environment has a very professional atmosphere. There is a relatively new employee that started here a few months ago. She has a toddler and when I first met her she told me she didn't want to have any more babies. She is a nice enough person, but the problem is that she always seems to have a reason to be late or miss work all together. The excuses can be anything from the baby being sick, car troubles, husband troubles, daycare problems, tooth aches, migraines, etc. She has an issue at least once a week, if not more. Her supervisor has come to me on multiple occasions to complain about her. 

Anyways... this woman and I are fairly close in age, so I guess she feels comfortable talking to me about certain things. Lately she's been coming up to me and complaining about cramps/symptoms and not knowing whether she is pregnant or about to get her period. I'm a FTM and this is my first pregnancy, so I'm not exactly an expert when it comes to any of this. Last week, she gave me a lot of unsolicited information about her sex life with her husband during her *fertile* days. So I casually said to her "Oh, you guys decided to start trying?" to which she responded "No, we don't like to say that we're trying..." Um... ok? So you just made it a point to tell me that you're ovulating and you've been having non-stop unprotected sex with your husband, but you're not TTC?

This morning, her supervisor comes up to me and says "Apparently, _____ thinks she is pregnant" and rolls her eyes. I asked if she knew for sure, and she said that our coworker was planning to take a HPT later this week. She was visibly irritated. 

Personally, I don't care if she is pregnant or not, as it doesn't really affect my position. I just feel that she is too new and it is too soon to be sharing all of this information with people that don't really know her that well, especially considering that there have been so many problems with her in the short time she has been here.

So as working moms or moms-to-be, what do you think? Would you TTC at a new job? Would you wait until you have established your place/reputation at your job? Would you ever share those plans with other people or do you agree that this is information that should be kept private?

potbellypig

Seems like TMI in the work place. I would not be comfortable talking about TTC at a new job, but I wouldn't hold back on TTC. Sounds like she is risking reputation/job by discussing it.

2chatter

It sounds like she is one of "those people".  You know the ones....they have no idea they are inappropriate, late, selfish, boring people, discussing things they should not....the oblivious people.  I bet this TTC thing is the tip of the oversharing iceberg and is a reflection of her general, somewhat sideways orientation to life.

74dragonfly

Team keep it to myself.

Slb22

I barely talk about TTC with my closest friends, so no I wouldn't discuss in the workplace whether I was new or not.  I would not stop my plans of TTC if I had a new job unless there was a particular reason, in which it would have been all part of the plan anyways. 

ss265

I was 6 months into a new job when I got pregnant with my second son. The only factors I considered when timing my second pregnancy were qualifying for FMLA when he was born, qualifying for short term disability (at my job, you have to have STD for 3 months before getting pregnant) and waiting a year after my first son's birth to get pregnant again so that I could heal from a C-section. I am AMA so I didn't want to necessarily wait to TTC again. 

And no one knew we were TTC - in my opinion, it's super unprofessional to discuss stuff like that at work. 

Helenahhandbasket

Well, I found out I was pregnant with DD about 3 months into my current job.  We were TTC, but no one knew and I would never discuss any future baby plans.

She sounds like a drama queen and a general over sharer.

jlaOK

Wow.  She seems like an over sharer.

When I was negotiating with my current employer I did tell them that we did want to expand our family (we only had DS at that time).  The only reason I brought it up, however, was because we are under 50 employees and I wouldn't qualify for FMLA.  I wanted to make sure that they wouldn't fire me if I took maternity leave.

thelittlestbee

K3am said:

I wouldn't let my length of tenure at my job decide when we TTC, unless it had a financial impact on my family.

But I sure as hell wouldn't be talking about it. I find it weird when my co-worker - who I am dear friends with - talks about her period. I'm not up in arms about it, and it took us a while to get to that point, but it's TMI in my world.

She does this too and doesn't seem to realize it's too much. I get it - I'm a woman too, I get my period too... But my body processes are not a topic of conversation. 

shakinros

Slb22 said:

I barely talk about TTC with my closest friends, so no I wouldn't discuss in the workplace whether I was new or not.  I would not stop my plans of TTC if I had a new job unless there was a particular reason, in which it would have been all part of the plan anyways. 

This. That is seriously weird over sharing.

Mustardseed2007

I told my coworker I was pregnant when I threw up at work. I told my boss a few months after that. But I am a private person, whereas she, quite obviously, is not. I agree, she has judgment issues.

ccam

I would never share that much information with coworkers, but I wouldn't let a job hold me back from TTC.

NADA-H

I wouldn't stop TTC if I was to quit or change jobs etc unless financially I had a problem. As to talking about it...NEVER I've shared with my mom that I'm considering spacing having kids to have a 2.5 to 3 years gap between each kid and she said that seems right and that was about it. I won't tell her we are trying once we do start trying and that is my mom, she's the closest person to me let alone telling co-workers.

But she seems like an over-sharer...got someone in the family who's married to a cousin of mine and who overshares TMI about their sex life and TTC that next time she says something I'm gonna shut her down...that's my cousin damn it I don't want to know!

Beevol

I'm a sharer and these are things that I would *never* talk about at work. It's just not professional, especially when you're new and not super close with your coworkers. 

I used to be a birth control counselor and coworkers will often come to me with questions about birth control options, and it's one of my favorite subjects so I will totally discuss it with them. I have one coworker who overheard another asking me about the Nuva Ring once and decided to tell us all about how she and her husband just pull out (which is not a reliable form of birth control!!! And, seriously, TMI). Then, she spent the next several months talking to me about how my pregnancy was making her want to get pregnant again but that they didn't have the money/etc to TTC right now. Of course, each time she tried to engage me about the pulling out, and it was SO GROSS and unprofessional that I started just avoiding her. She's pregnant now, because duh. I'm just glad that I'm on maternity leave and don't have to hear about her sex life anymore. 

The fact that your coworker told you about how she is TTC (with details... yuck) and then said "Oh, we don't tell when we're ttc" tells me that she is a crazy person just like my coworker. Some people are just ridiculous. 

MommyAtty

Oh HELL no. I was embarrassed telling people I was pregnant because it felt like I was announcing, "My husband and I had sex! Look, there's proof!" But I am intensely private. I have mastered the art of being phenomenally private while appearing to share a lot. There are about 6 things I tell people about myself, and if anyone asks me anything not on that list, if I don't know them well, it feels like they may as well ask me what color underwear I'm wearing.

thelittlestbee

@beevol Ewww I totally feel your pain. Some of the things this woman has told me have seriously crossed the line, to the point that I'm uncomfortable repeating them here. 

The whole thing about not saying they are TTC, I think it's like they don't want to curse it. But I just think its silly... like you're trying and you're telling me all the details of how you're trying, so don't turn around and say "we don't like to say we're trying". Seriously?

thelittlestbee

MommyAtty said:

Oh HELL no. I was embarrassed telling people I was pregnant because it felt like I was announcing, "My husband and I had sex! Look, there's proof!" But I am intensely private. I have mastered the art of being phenomenally private while appearing to share a lot. There are about 6 things I tell people about myself, and if anyone asks me anything not on that list, if I don't know them well, it feels like they may as well ask me what color underwear I'm wearing.

@mommyatty This is exactly how I felt when I had to tell my boss I was pregnant. I didn't want him to know the things I did behind closed doors!

ridesbuttons

Personally I think a person ought to plan their life around their life, not their job. If it's the right time TTC, then do it.

However, this woman sounds like a terrible employee and if I was her supervisor/manager, I'd start the documentation process to terminate her right away. Or, establish severance and move on.

CarrieB.

My experience is that over sharers will also over share about you and sometimes it's not even true. So I would watch what you say to this person.

sandrabrooke

It's a little weird to be super specific, but I wouldn't have an issue sayng "Oh we might have a kid later this year".

But yeah, shes a little odd.