Sharing

Robeano

So I'm curious as to what your belief for kids sharing is.

I had minor annoyance around Christmas with FIL which had hubby and I discussing how we are going to approach Hannah with sharing.

Long story short Hannah got a new toy and was playing with it, it had many peices and her cousin kept taking the one peice cuz she knew Hannah wanted it and running away with it. Which upset Hannah so I returned the peice, to only have said cousin try to take it again and FIL telling Hannah she had to share it.

My theory is, if a child literally just got a new toy. They don't have to share it. If they are still playing with it, they don't have to share it. If the toy is important or special (I will make sure it is left at home or put away when others come over).

But on the other side. I don't approve of my child grabbing a toy from somebody else. If Hannah puts it down, fair game. also if the toy or game is designed for more than one person I will encourage sharing. I want my child to share nicely, but I do think we need to teach children appropriate sharing. I don't go up to friends of mine and demand to use their phones or cars.

Millie1984

I think if a child is playing with something, it is not OK for another child to come and take it away.  I think waiting your turn is just as an important of a social concept/skill as sharing.  If the child is playing with something that allows for two or more children to join in, thats a different story.  But taking something that someone is using and running away with it is not "sharing". 

I would not want something to come up to me and take something I was using and walk away with it without asking.  I don't think my son should have to deal with that either.

Its easier said than done when dealing with someone else's child.  I try to say something ike, D is using that now, you can use it when he is done.  And maybe offer another toy to use in the meantime.  Unless, again, its a game or toy that can be used by more than one child at once.

Just my 2 cents.

Gregermis

I pretty much agree with you Robeano. Esp if the cousin is older, I would have asked her to wait her turn and pointes out that this was a new special toy and that she might have to wait until next visit to okay with it if your daughter didn't want to share

Robeano

I think you make a great point @Ducky719‌ about teaching a life skill of walking away. I like that approach. It hasn't come up with any kids that I haven't been able to talk to, or that the parents didn't step in, yet.

Hannah wasn't holding the piece directly. It was a doll with a diaper bag with accessories. The cousin kept taking the little stuffed dog and running away with it. Just to drop it after she got away from Hannah. But there had been a history, with both of them the previous day of each of them directly grabbing the other's brand new toy. It kinda seemed intentional. They are only 6 months apart, but socially are at the same level. Her cousin also had a new toy that evening but kept grabbing Hannah's.

It's possible I'm being over protective, but Hannah seems like a very routine, her stuff is hers personality. Which worries me when new baby comes. Although as many mom friends say "she's two, they're all like that"

Ruthie04

With two two year olds, sharing is a big deal around here! Like PPs, if it is in DS1's hand, DS2 will sometimes offer a trade. Until 18/20 months that always worked, but they don't fall for it as much anymore! If DS1 doesn't want to trade, then we encourage DS2 to find another toy and wait. Sometimes we ask DS1 if he would let us set a timer and share the toy when it beeps. He usually says yes and that almost always works. DS2 usually settles down and waits quietly. When the timer goes off, we tell DS1 it's his turn to share and he is usually so happy to press the buttons to turn off the timer, he has no problem giving up the toy. We usually reserve the timer for the toys that are frequently fought over (not the instances where someone just wants it because the other one was on it) That timer saves us from various tantrums 90% of the time- especially with DS1. We also agree that, once it's on the floor, it's fair game. DS2 has started stealing things and running to provoke DS1 and we treat that just as we would any other disciplinary issue. And, I agree with Ducky- loveys and absolute fav toys (DS2 has a car he carries everywhere) are off limits.

They turned 2 in September and definitely get the concept of sharing. And, we do A LOT of positive reinforcement for sharing behaviors. But, they are 2, so sharing isn't always what they want to do. I'm 32 and I don't always want to share, so I don't fault them on that! With friends, I would definitely have my child give the toy back if he took it and explain things. If another child took from my child, I'd probably just ask the child to give it back, but not take it out of his hands and return it (as I would my child).

Mrs.AmyDylan

We also in the "turns" camp. If J has something, I don't let someone take it out of her hands, and vice versa. She just turned 2 and sharing is mostly an ignored concept (by J). This isn't always popular since not all the mom in playgroup do a good job of watching their kids. 

However, she does enjoy bringing things to little kids (small babies that aren't walking). It is really cute and I praise her thoughtfulness and sharing.