Why can't people be a bit nicer on this board?

samantha716

im seeing a lot of mean, snarky comments. Aren't we supposed to be kind to each other? Just wondering.

mara005

~O) got my coffee, just waiting for this thread to get fun.

stemi

Oh boy! A whole new GBCB thread!

mrsb30

I agree with @MeatandBandP‌ there is a lot of support here. Also this board has been fairly tame.

nbalkin

This board is not mean it is honest. It is unfortunate that people continue to make this mistake. There is support if you put in the effort to also give support and realize that honest answers are more important than sugar coated ones. If you are not comfortable with honest and straight forward answers then try baby center.

Edit cause words are hard without breakfast

katers79

There's tons of support here. The women who feel like they're getting the snark would feel more supported by reading the "read me first" sticky, and searching before they ask the same.damn.question that has been asked 30x already that day. There's a symptoms thread every day and a spotting thread for a reason. Oh, and you're NOT showing yet.

laxdixdar

I've never received anything other than support here, but that is probably because I do not make threads like this.

babyruth85302

This is a really tame board and has a lot of support.

samantha716

I agree there is support. No one has been mean to me directly - just curious why when someone posts something that has been posted before - they get blasted. With pregnancy fog and feeling like crap perhaps there should be some allowance to post. That's all.

wildermom

It can be harder for a newbie to jump in on TB because so many of the ladies here having been here for quite awhile. This is really their space and they're comfy being themselves. Relationships with a lot of people have already been made I've time and patience is low for people that don't post "correctly" or don't read through previous posts. It's a snarky board, yes. Definitely not a rainbows and unicorn farts kind of place.
At the end of the day, you just have to decide if you want to be here. Lurk a bit, get the vibe, read the posts and invest in the board. You don't have to be a mean girl to belong (truth be told, a little extra kindness here wouldn't bother me), but a certain sense of humor is probably required.
A newbie's idea is that anyone belongs here that's due August '15, but in reality, that's probably not the case. Baby boards all have different personalitys. Just find one you like.

llw42614

samantha716 said:

im seeing a lot of mean, snarky comments. Aren't we supposed to be kind to each other? Just wondering.

QFP

svenskalamb13

poor child.

BethKate2

chrissdee said:

@Samantha716 In all honesty, I thought the same thing when I first came to this board. After lurking a while, I realized that there are some legitimate reasons for people responding to posts the way that they do. Could people be a little nicer sometimes? Probably. But I would rather somebody tell it to me like it is than be nice and not give me the answers straight. 

As a previous poster mentioned, a certain sense of humor may be required in order to not take offense and get hurt feelings over posts from strangers on the internet. Once I realized that, my time on this board became a whole lot more fun and entertaining.

I don't know how long you've been around this board, but I would recommend you stick around a while and get to know the true feel of it. I don't know if it's definitely for you, but I've met some pretty awesome ladies here that I would have missed out on if I had given up on it in the first couple of days.

This is why our response to people is always to lurk and get an actual feel for the board before you decide if it's for you. First impressions are not always correct.

Personally, I've received nothing but support on this board (and all Bump boards I've been on).

samantha716

Ok. Thanks ladies.

sandrabrooke

This board is so awesome. I wouldn't want bad information.

kcebeling

katers79 said:

There's tons of support here. The women who feel like they're getting the snark would feel more supported by reading the "read me first" sticky, and searching before they ask the same.damn.question that has been asked 30x already that day. There's a symptoms thread every day and a spotting thread for a reason. Oh, and you're NOT showing yet.

This. The sticky can be found here: https://forums.thebump.com/discussion/12485581/new-to-august-2015-read-me-first#latest You will see more than snarky responses only when a) people threaten physical violence and b) make derogatory assumptions about employment/living situations/etc. based on screen names. All of these examples have gone down in the last week and the community does not appreciate interactions that fall on this level. Not getting the answers you want to hear however do not qualify as anything besides honesty.

BethKate2

kcebeling said:
This. The sticky can be found here: https://forums.thebump.com/discussion/12485581/new-to-august-2015-read-me-first#latest You will see more than snarky responses only when a) people threaten physical violence and b) make derogatory assumptions about employment/living situations/etc. based on screen names. All of these examples have gone down in the last week and the community does not appreciate interactions that fall on this level. Not getting the answers you want to hear however do not qualify as anything besides honesty.

And if I'm honest, it's because of interactions like this that I'm wary of a lot of new posters and don't really cut people a lot of slack. I've been on these boards a long time, and I've seen a lot of trolls saying some incredibly mean things. I almost feel like people need to prove to me that they want to be a part of the board before I'll offer a ton of support.

elizabetheleven

When posters ask a repetitive question, others link them to threads where it is already answered. How is that mean?

When posters ask a silly question, others give them honest, correct answers. How is that mean?

I have received nothing but support from this board and every other board on the bump I've been on. I love these ladies!

ohdrama09

This is a SUPER tame board.  

ShellyR

Certain posters start new AW posts over and over yet have very few (usually zero) helpful replies to others. It is annoying. Sure, snark exists but I don't think the above behavior is very kind either. Additionally, redirecting newbies instead of cluttering the board with junk isn't mean.

kcebeling

@BethKate2‌ You bring up a good point for us newbies to hear. What sort of positive efforts show veteran bumpies that newbies want to be a part of the board? Thanks for your reply!

Ampaints

samantha716 said:

I agree there is support. No one has been mean to me directly - just curious why when someone posts something that has been posted before - they get blasted. With pregnancy fog and feeling like crap perhaps there should be some allowance to post. That's all.

Even with pregnancy brain or fog it's still not that hard to use the search function. I've used it myself. I'm still relatively new here (posting since November) but I've been here long enough to get tired of the repeated threads. It's made me not check in as often. They also push threads of members who actually need support further back sometimes. If someone had a problem so urgent they can't use the search function first then they probably shouldn't be posting about it here because we're not medical professionals.

skinandbones

I'm just here for the popcorn.

svenskalamb13

skinandbones said:

I'm just here for the popcorn.

I really want popcorn now. Thanks for that.

skinandbones

svenskalamb13 said:

skinandbones said:

I'm just here for the popcorn.

I really want popcorn now. Thanks for that.


Popcorn has been a big craving of mine so I'm stocked. Come on over!

BethKate2

kcebeling said:

@BethKate2‌ You bring up a good point for us newbies to hear. What sort of positive efforts show veteran bumpies that newbies want to be a part of the board? Thanks for your reply!

@kcebeling, like @ShellyR mentioned, there are some people who do nothing but start their own threads over and over again and never bother to post anywhere else. Those are the people I start to side-eye, and they are a lot less likely to get support from me. In order to show people that you want to be a part of the community, you need to offer support to others and not just post on your own threads.

samantha716

Yep. Got it thanks. Sorry for asking . The end. If I could erase I would.

mosdub

samantha716 said:

Yep. Got it thanks. Sorry for asking . The end. If I could erase I would.

No need to erase, in the future someone might search for something about the board culture and come across this thread and glean something from it. 

melsner

You really have to remember what this is at it's core. It is not a place for women to support and be kind to each other. New posters have to get that out out of their head. It doesn't mean the support and kindeness doesn't happen, because it does. However, it won't happen till you get through the all the mucky people. 

I come here for entertainment, to help keep my mind off the daily stresses of life, and converse with people who unterstand what I am going through. It takes a little effort to get to that last one. I don't come here for unconditional support. That's what my spouse is for.

Have a sense of humor and understand that this is an internet message board with a very specific atmosphere. If I feel there is post that's a little too snarky for my taste, I don't complain, white knight the thread, or get upset. I enjoy the humor for what it is and move somewhere where I'm more comfortable. Sometimes, I join in. Just depends on the day.

People really need to listen to the veterans and start lurking. And seriously, how do people not read the post at the top that says "Read First"? I will never understand that.

allelsefaild

melsner

^sense of humor!

allelsefaild

melsner said:

^sense of humor!

Is it bad that I thought about posting something about how supportive we can be if you just lurk and provide support yourself and blah blah blah, then said "fuck it" and posted a gif from Office Space?

ETA: I felt all of that had been said better than I could by everyone else.

samantha716

I have lurked (how do you think I discovered that people are so hilarious on here) I have been supportive to others on here. I understand the need for a sense of humor. I simply asked a question. Tough crowd. Your gifs are fantastic. To those who gave me an answer I truly appreciate it. I hope you all enjoyed your coffee and popcorn. Onward and upward.

numb3rMel

samantha716 said:

I have lurked (how do you think I discovered that people are so hilarious on here) I have been supportive to others on here. I understand the need for a sense of humor. I simply asked a question. Tough crowd. Your gifs are fantastic. To those who gave me an answer I truly appreciate it. I hope you all enjoyed your coffee and popcorn. Onward and upward.

And really, it'll only get better throughout our PG and beyond. If it's anything like my last BMB, these are the tame days. 

msmolecule

allelsefaild said:

Okay, this pretty much made my morning.

Thank you.

samantha716

I love spreading unicorn farts all over

kdm211

kcebeling said:

@BethKate2‌ You bring up a good point for us newbies to hear. What sort of positive efforts show veteran bumpies that newbies want to be a part of the board? Thanks for your reply!

Yeah, where can we get hazed in order to belong here?? I'm just SO anxious to get complete internet strangers to accept me!! Not.

I'm a FTM and am thoroughly entertained at how quickly I can recognize the posters who I know will comment their "honest opinions" within 5 minutes. I'm just impressed with how much free time these veterans have with little ones running around, but maybe that's just me.

....so with that said, is that the kinda sass that will earn me some "street cred" here?

ETA: quote error

myfriendscallmemeg

mamak211 said:

kcebeling said:

@BethKate2‌ You bring up a good point for us newbies to hear. What sort of positive efforts show veteran bumpies that newbies want to be a part of the board? Thanks for your reply!

Yeah, where can we get hazed in order to belong here?? I'm just SO anxious to get complete internet strangers to accept me!! Not.

I'm a FTM and am thoroughly entertained at how quickly I can recognize the posters who I know will comment their "honest opinions" within 5 minutes. I'm just impressed with how much free time these veterans have with little ones running around, but maybe that's just me.

....so with that said, is that the kinda sass that will earn me some "street cred" here?

ETA: quote error

astheria

samantha716 said:

I love spreading unicorn farts all over

msmolecule

mamak211 said:

I'm just impressed with how much free time these veterans have with little ones running around, but maybe that's just me. ....so with that said, is that the kinda sass that will earn me some "street cred" here? 

I'm gonna go out on a limb and say that, no...Insinuating that the long-time posters on these boards are neglectful parents is probably not the way to earn anyone's respect here. That's a personal attack, not a redirection to a more appropriate thread. Big difference. And it is the recognition of that difference that makes a newbie like me more inclined to relate to the snarky vets, than newbies like yourself.

kdm211

With the timing of the "likes" .....point made.