Getting frustrated...

mishmosh118

Hey everyone! I'm new to the group so let me give you a little background.
My name is Michele and I'm 29. I've been married for a year to a wonderful man. My husband is 35. I was diagnosed with pcos when I was 21. I always knew having a baby would be challenging. I have the most irregular periods you could imagine. Sometimes I'll even go 6 months without a period... Other times I'll have a normal 28 day cycle. Sometimes I'll have spotting for months. It's just crazy.
In October I had a d&c and some polyps removed from my uterus. My doctor said this should boost my chances of conceiving. Fast forward to about a month ago and no period since August.
My doctor put me on provera which is pretty much progesterone. This forced me to have a period. I had a 10 day period which was expected due to how infrequent my periods are.
My doctor suggested trying clear blue ovulation kits. I used one 4 days ago and it came up negative. The past 3 days it came up high fertility. I was thrilled but a little perplexed that I got the "high" result for 3 days in a row but I didn't receive a "peak" result. I went online and did a little research. I learned that these kits measure leutinizing (sp?) hormone to determine ovulation. I also read that pcos causes the body to produce excessive amounts of LH, so these could be false positives.
I know I'm not as far into the process as other women but I'm already feeling pretty down and frustrated. The ironic part is I'm adopted. My mom tried for 11 years before she gave up and decided to adopt. It's hard to be strong and not let this get to me. I'm scared that it just won't happen. I'm frustrated that it's one struggle after another. I hate that any time I'm a little tired, nauseous or have breast sensitivity I automatically go to "am I pregnant?!" ...but never am. I'm sick of hearing people telling me what I need to try or do differently. I hate when people tell me "let it just happen" or "don't stress out, it makes it harder to conceive". Like... Seriously... How can I not stress out?
My positive attitude and faith in the process is dwindling. I'm finding this to be so heartbreaking and I feel like nobody gets it. My husband tries to stay positive and comfort me but I feel like he's not understanding what I'm going through. I'm at an age where everyone I know is getting pregnant but my friends are afraid to tell me because they're afraid it will hurt me. I don't want to be that person. I don't know what to do with my emotions.
Sorry the post is so long. I just really needed to vent and I'm hoping there are some people out there who can empathize.

sunshine412

I second everything @lavishpeach‌ said.

This whole process is such a roller-coaster ride of hope and disappointment. Many of the awesome ladies on this board have been exactly where you are. Please join us, lurk, and read the newbie blog if you haven't already. Welcome and good luck!

mishmosh118

Thanks so much! I have an appt with my obgyn on the 28th. I'll ask him about a RE then. Thanks.

BunnyBerry

I'm so sorry for what you've had to go through. With such irregular (and absent) periods and PCOS, plus your surgery, it's definitely a great time to get an RE get his/her expert hands on the case! An HSG can help make sure that fibroids are all gone and the uterus has healed smoothly. And there's no rule that says there may not be more than one factor causing IF...so it may help give you peace of mind that you have a good chance of conceiving if the RE does a range of tests on both YH and yourself before starting treatment.

And it's true, the simple intervention of oral ovulation induction medications (perhaps combined with IUI) has its highest success rates with PCOS patients when compared with other diagnoses.

I'm sorry, I have no good advice for the annoying feeling of, "Am I pregnant??" that can accompany anything in the realm of a pregnancy symptom, at any time of the month! Sometimes it becomes the only thing resembling hope that exists in my IF journey, so maybe it serves as an glimmer of hope to keep us going until the journey reaches its resolution? For example, we have less than a 3% chance of a BFP this month, and a perfectly reasonable explanation for my sore boobs (that started days before implantation was even possible, darn it!), but no matter how much I tell my brain, "There is a 98% chance that your period will come," that obnoxious hope of pregnancy keeps appearing.

I think it's normal to have ups and downs in the hope we have in the process, especially because this is something we have so little control over. The lucky part is that how much hope I feel in a given cycle (or week, or day) has absolutely no impact on whether or not I'm pregnant or going to get pregnant.

bookworm40

Welcome and everyone had given such great advice! I would definitely ask your OB for a good RE referral or research one in your area and go for a consult. PCOS does have very good success rates with medication but make sure you are under the care of an RE before starting any meds so they monitor you properly. Good luck and I hope your stay here is short!

MustangChic

I'm sorry for your struggle. Infertility sucks and is such an emotional roller coaster. Fellow PCOSer here! My biggest recommendation to you is to see an RE. Just like the awesome ladies have already said, testing will be so helpful in determining how to proceed. And of course proper monitoring while taking medications is so important!

GL and I hope your stay here is short!

supermorena

Welcome to the group! I'm so sorry you're here and struggling right now. I second everything that has been said already, but just wanted to say hi and let you know you're not alone. IF is such a frustrating and draining experience in so many ways. I'm glad you found this board because the women here are supportive and knowledgeable about all things 3T. Good luck with finding an RE and getting started with testing and treatments!

mishmosh118

Thanks everyone

jerseymack23

@mishmosh118 I am so sorry to hear you're struggling. I know what you mean- my DH tries his best, but they just cannot understand everything we're going though. I hope it gives you a little comfort that you have all of us. Also, I haven't cycled naturally since stopping birth control pills almost 2 years ago, so you're not alone! Wishing you the best.

Remylove1011

So sorry that your struggling and that you find yourself here, but welcome! There are many ladies on here with PCOS who will have had some of your same struggles. I think PP's gave great advice and your next step should be to see an RE. Best of luck!

dancerspose

I have nothing to add but to second everyone else's suggestion of getting to an RE.  Good luck!

meredithcarole

Welcome to the board. I wish you luck with your journey.

SND1231

Pp have had great advice but I wanted to say welcome and good luck! Hope your stay is short and sweet.

Hope1989

I agree, definitely see an RE, i wasted a lot of time with an ob/gyn. I understand the frustration, but with different background. My family seemed to be super fertile, im one of 4, all naturally conceived, and i always had super regular, textbook periods when younger and spent years on bc stressing i would get pregnant accidentally.

Of course that was clearly not the case, went off bc to never get a period. It has been over a year now and i never get one unmedicated. Finally diagnosed with pcos which must have had onset while on bc. It sucks but for me having a diagnosis was a step forward. Good luck and try keep your spirits up, so much more is known about infertility today and you do have options