STM+ I need advice :)

bridetobe9132013

DH and I decided we want 2 children close in age. We want to start trying in May when DD turns 1. Well lately I have been having mixed emotions about having another baby. I am very excited to have another, I love being a mommy. I just have all these thoughts going through my head... will DD be upset when I am spending a ton of time with the new baby? What will life be like with a 2nd child? I feel like we are getting into a good routine and I am scared to mess it up. I dont do well with change. I was depressed after DD was born because I was so used to freedom and it was a huge change having a baby to care for. I am also scared I will miss my one on one time with DD. Are these normal emotions or do these emotions mean I am not ready to TTC in May? How did you ladies feel? TIA!

haylo33

I'm a FTM but I wonder how I will have room in my heart for another baby. I love my son so much, right now I can't imagine loving anything else that much even though I know I will someday. I also worry how DS will feel and don't want him to feel replaced

Junebug060609

Normal emotions.

You'll have room in your heart for subsequent kids. It will be an adjustment for DD when baby comes, and I'm not gonna lie... sometimes it's a struggle when they both need me at once, but DD will get used to it and soon it will be like Baby 2 was always there. My favorite part is seeing them interact

Junebug060609

Also, fwiw, I found transitioning from 0 to 1 kid more difficult than from 1 to 2. Going to1 I felt a loss of self/autonomy. Going to 2, I knew more what I was in for. The logistical stuff...you figure it out. You're more capable than you know.

hbird0723

haylo33 said:

I'm a FTM but I wonder how I will have room in my heart for another baby. I love my son so much, right now I can't imagine loving anything else that much even though I know I will someday. I also worry how DS will feel and don't want him to feel replaced

I am a FTM but my husband told his sister something when she asked this same question years ago pregnant with her second. He said your time divides but your love grows and so does your heart. She said it really helped her and it's true.

Edit to say I totally get it and I'm not sure when we will start trying because it does scare me still! We had a very colicky baby to the point where the doctor was doing X-rays to see if she had a blockage (he then said this level of fussiness is not normal...well nothing we can do about it) and she is just now growing out of this and getting such a cute personality but of course teething and still doesn't sleep well so for me I just feel like how will I have the energy?!

amroke

I have two 19 months apart, and seeing how much they adore each other makes any struggle or lack of sleep totally worth it. My son had about two weeks of an adjustment period after my daughter was born, but I doubt that he remembers a time anymore before she was around. He is super sweet to her and she lights up when he is around. Two is harder than one, but not by much. And don't worry, you will love them both.

amroke

Oh and I am speaking as a 39 year old who works full time and has a husband who works overnights, so it's not like I've got it easy but I still wouldn't do it any different!

bridetobe9132013

Thank you for the advice ladies it is so nice to know most moms have these same thoughts/concerns!

ns1

I also worried about all these things before #2. How could I love another kid as much as DD? Would another ruin DD's life? Could I do it?

As PPs said, now that DS is here I can't imagine life without him. I adore both kiddos. DD loves her baby brother (and she's not a people person, so that's amazing to me). She did have some adjustment time for a while and her perfect sleep went out the window for a few months...but we've mostly got that under control now.

I will say it was amazing to me how diffucult it was when #2 came. Me time is a little harder to come by now, but as both kids get older and we figure out a new routine it gets easier.

But it is easier as far as adjusting to the lack of freedom - I just gave that up prettt much and since you have one under your belt it's easier to figure the whole parenting thing out with the second - I.e. to accept that you have no idea how to do this parenting thing.

Edit to clarify and to spell

ho11yday

Normal feelings but I will disagree with some of the others. Going from one to two was harder in many ways than 0-1. Maybe it was the age gap (28 months), but I almost wish we had waited for ds1 to be more self sufficient. We did more things when it was just the three of us vs. the four of us.

As for love, I think that's common. Even my mom said she didn't want a second child because she didn't know if she could live that second child as much as she loved me. And as an adult, I swear my mom favored my brother over me when we were kids haha.

DS1 can act jealously of ds2 when he gets attention. For instance, my forehead hurts due to the number of books thrown at my head when holding ds2. Yes, we are working on that. But he has also shown how much he cares for his brother. He will kiss his forehead, hug him, try to comfort him when he cries, etc. Having a sibling has changed his life, and as long as we foster a loving relationship, any jealousy should fade. At least that's my intention.

spinsoffresonance

Totally normal feelings. Mine are 18m apart and sometimes I still feel like this. I feel bad I don't have any one on one time with DD1 anymore because I'm always carrying the baby around and I feel bad I don't have enough time to play and entertain DD2 because I have to deal with DD1. But at the same time I know they are both happy, thriving and they love each other and that makes it worth it. Watching them interact is the most adorable thing ever. Yes DD1 had a rough adjustment period, lasted about 3 months after DD2 was born, but then she went back to her normal self and I doubt she even remembers a time without her sister. And honestly, a 2yo requires so much time and attention that adding a baby to the mix barely affects my daily routine, poor 2nd child tags along for the ride and kinda has to adjust her schedule to fit into DD1's schedule. And sometimes I feel like I can't do things, like go out to lunch with the kids like I used to do when DD1 was a baby, but it's not because I have 2 babies, it's because I have a 2yo. So I'm definitely team going from 1 to 2 was way easier than 0 to 1. I also have a secret for you, as soon as you feel like things a going great and you have a good routine, that's when they switch it all up on you, so don't let that stop you from adding a sibling!

bridetobe9132013

Thank you everyone! You made me feel alot better

danabsd

My girls are 20 months apart. I got PG when my 1st was 11 months. The first time out of the gate. 

Honestly, we've felt with very little jealousy. And at this point I doubt my almost 2.5 year old even remembers a part of her life when she didn't have a sister. 

Having one was a huge life change, the second, she just kid of fit in with our little family. It wasn't the same shift in lifestyle w experienced the first time. 

There are days when I still cannot believe my heart could is big enough to fit enough for these two girls. But I assure you it is and I wouldn't have it any other way.