Just down right scared

MrsDrKirkpatrick

Hello all! This is my first post here so bear with me! A little history: I had a baby at 17 which I placed for adoption and had a wonderful (yet typical hospital) birth experience. I had an epidural, and delivered in a bed on my back. Well fast forward DH and I are expecting our first together and he REALLY wants a home birth. I had toyed around with the idea since we got married, and logically I know I don't want to pump my baby with drugs/ cut the umbilical cord the second (s)he is born. But the thought of delivering with no pain medicine, no doctor and just a midwife scare the crap out of me! I don't have a high pain tolerance as it is, and DH is less than supportive of a typical hospital birth. I'm lucky to have husband who cares so much, but he doesn't have to birth this child. How do I get over this fear? Thanks in advance ladies!

mayfateleadyou

The birth is all about the mother and her choices. I love my SO but when it comes to pushing this kid out, it's my wants and not his. Make sure whatever you do is what makes you feel comfortable 100% going in.

summerfunxo

Its 100% your decision at the end of the day, but keep in mind our bodies were meant to do this. Adrenaline and endorphins are naturally released throughout the whole process, giving you energy and numbing you. And although you feel everything the pain is different from that of breaking an arm or a leg for example. I had a completely intervention/ med free birth and yes it hurt and I was uncomfortable, but afterwards I felt literally great. The worst part for me was trying to pee afterwards, and you'll feel that regardless of an epidural or not.

All in all it is your decision and a healthy baby and mama is all that matters, but just know that your body was designed to go through birth and you can do it

honkytonk_kid

You don't have to choose between a "typical hospital birth" and a home birth. There are many options between those two (depending a bit on where you live). Have you considered a birth center or a hospital based MW? Those could give you the option of pain medication if desired while still maintaining a low-intervention birth (that I assume is your H's reason for not wanting the hospital?). 

Home birth is not for everyone- being wary or even fearful of it is not necessarily something you need to just get over. I really think home birth is one of those things for which you need to be 100% all in. If you are not comfortable with a home birth, I think it would be hard to relax while in labor.

Stephij1

Like pp said, it's definitely not all or nothing. I'm personally giving birth in a hospital, but it's with a midwife and the hospital is VERY natural birth friendly. They have whirlpool tubs, multi-jet showers, no limit on how many people can be in the delivery room (I only want DH, but I know that can be a factor for some people), and access to birthing bars, stools, and balls. They do delayed cord clamping as standard proceedure, and don't even offer drugs unless they're asked for. All of this with the piece of mind that comes with knowing I am in a hospital with a level 3 NICU right down the hall.

Maybe see if you can find a midwife practice that works out of a hospital. Ask about their proceedures, and if it's not a good fit, feel free to move one.

sschwege

You have to be comfortable with the choice.  Sorry, mother gets final say IMO. 

I agree with pp perhaps consider finding a MW who works in a hospital?  I think MWs would be a good compromise and you could still have an epi or other form of medicated pain relief if that's what you decide.  A MW is there to support you in the birth YOU want.

KateLouise

I agree with pp that a) this is your choice to make and b) there is a middle ground between a typical hospital birth and a homebirth.

Having said that, I'm a huge believer in couples talking through what the actual issues are, so that you can really understand each other and make decisions that you are both at peace with. Telling DH, "this i my birth you can f...off" is not really helpful.

So have you talked to DH about what his real concerns are? Have you explained your concerns? 

For what it's worth, a homebirth is absolutely not for me, but I am all about natural births, where possible. I birthed my girls in a hospital with a mw, but like pp hospital was very natural birth friendly, and we had the back up of obstetricians and neo-natal unit if needed.

Maybe you need to do your own research into what really matters to you, and then think about what will best achieve that. Do you WANT to go med-free? Do you think you SHOULD go med-free? Or does it really not matter to you at all, and this is all your DH's concern?

Best wishes in your decision making.

I agree with pp that our bodies are designed to do this, but being relaxed is a big part of a natural birth.

samantha716

I agree that you and he should sit down and talk about this. It is your body that will be going through the labor and any fears you feel are valid. My husband cannot bear the thought of me in pain but I have very low tolerance for it. I highly respect any woman who has done it naturally but that is not my cup of tea.

samantha716

Sorry ladies - just realized I am in the Natural Birth Board and not the Pregnant over 35 Board that I thought I was in. Please excuse me.

SKMotsinger

First, its your body, your decision. Second, make a compromise. Find out what hospital your midwife is affiliated with. Make a plan for a natural hospital birth your midwife will still be your doctor. They will also do everything they can to make you feel comfortable. But if you should decide on drugs they will be at the ready as long as it isn't to late in your labor for them. I've had 3 natural biths without drugs but in a hospital this time I will be going to a birth center instead of the hospital.

Hopes this helps.