~ Loss Check-In ~

CherryPicked

Hi ladies, I hope you have been kind to yourselves this week.  

Welcome to the check-in! I am sorry to have to welcome new loss moms this week but am so glad that you have found us. I hope we can bring each other some much needed comfort and support. Please feel free to join in when you are ready and share as much or as little as you wish. Also, if you have any questions you would like answered, just ask! Any lurkers out there please don't be shy, we would like to be able to support you too. 

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? 

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? 

QOTW: Did anyone receive any gifts in memory of your child over the holidays?  Feel free to share a photo if you wish!

CherryPicked

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? 
My sister visited and we talked about Caroline, which made me happy.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? 

I have a lot of work to get done and am hoping to be able to focus so that I get it all done before DH and I go away for a long weekend.

QOTW: Did anyone receive any gifts in memory of your child over the holidays?  Feel free to share a photo if you wish!

DH got me this figurine.  He said it's called something like "tell mommy I'm okay."  I love it

shandorfml2

hi ladies

**siggy warning**

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? Meh, I'm not sure. Well, I guess. We had my Mom's funeral and that was somewhat healing. I got to meet a lot of her friends and coworkers and here how she impacted their life. Ana was included in her obit as well as a photo collage we did  *preg mentioned*However my Dad was speaking with someone and referred to my rainbow as "the first grandchild'. He looked at me right after he said it, so I know he knew it was wrong. I know he loves Ana, but that did kind of hurt. This baby is not the first grandchild. My sister said he also referred to Ana's death as a "miscarriage" and she quickly corrected him.  

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? I need to remain healthy, and let my feelings out. Losing my Mom has reawakened some grief of Ana. So I need to get back into journaling and walking more.

QOTW: Did anyone receive any gifts in memory of your child over the holidays?  Feel free to share a photo if you wish! Not this year. Well, we received the book "Heaven is For Real" from my neighbor. Other than that, no. Last year we received an ornament from my parents which I will cherish forever.  

ikrystal

**Ticker warning**

kderoy I love that figurine.  I actually saw one for twins and I almost bought it for myself.  The one your husband picked out is so pretty, it brings me to tears!

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? Nothing in particular... preparing for Conner and Ben's first birthday, which is in 8 days.  We are having a small intimate balloon release and cake, then DH and I are going to dinner by ourselves.  Planning it has helped me see the positive that our boys have brought us, but as you can imagine, I am overly depressed and overwhelmed. 

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? Get through their birthday.  No plans to get me through it - God help me. 

QOTW: Did anyone receive any gifts in memory of your child over the holidays?  Feel free to share a photo if you wish! We got a ton!  TB hates me and never uploads my pictures in a timely fashion, so I'll just list them here: tons of books (maybe close to 20!) and tons of ornaments for the boy (we will probably need a separate little tree for them next year).  DH also got me a new kindle "from the boys" - we read to them at night, so a new kindle helps

shandorfml2

**siggy

@kderoy omg I love the figureine! Is that from midnight orange?

CherryPicked

@shandorfml2 Yes it is!  He ordered it on Etsy!

msunshine123

@kderoy - I love your figurine. I have one with the parents holding a baby boy angel for my son and I love it:)

Morena Mama

~Living Children Mentioned Warning ~

@Happyin14‌ You are doing the best you can with the feelings you are experiencing. I agree with your husband on why you might feel the way you do. Be kind to yourself; it will all come together in time.

@kderoy‌ what a beautiful figurine!

I have been all over the place with my feelings. Anger, depressed, a few moments of smiles. I still feel like my sanity is mostly gone, but I'm working on getting it back.

I haven't done much of anything to move forward other than try to put some energy into daily activities. I look at my kids and imagine them plus their brother and I break down every time. All I want is my little boy to be with me, my husband, and his siblings. This is Hell.

Morena Mama

~Living children mentioned ~

@Happyin14‌ I can commiserate. I feel like I'm letting my kids down by constantly thinking about what life would be like with Nathaniel here. I try not to, but it's hard. I was so excited for his arrival. Where do I go from here?

OT, my son before Nathaniel was born the same day as Prince George and Nathaniel would have been around the same time as the next royal baby. Seeing all the talk about Princess Kate's baby is breaking my heart. Is that normal?

Maybe Joleisa

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? No steps towards healing plus I did not meet my goal of printing out pictures of the boys for Christmas for MIL. I think about them all.the.time, but then I start thinking about that day and it re-breaks my heart like it happened just yesterday. 

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? Print the pictures; assemble memory cabinets; hang them on the wall. I currently have everything from the boys' pregnancy in a crib in their nursery. No plan, though it would be nice to pull it off by their angelversary later this month. I don't want to make memory cabinets--I want to hold my baby boys again. 

QOTW: Did anyone receive any gifts in memory of your child over the holidays? Feel free to share a photo if you wish! I did not receive any gifts, but I did get MIL ornaments with the boys' names on them. (I bought a set for me, as well.) I'm pretty sure no one mentions them, because they think it will make me sad. They are right--I AM sad, but that doesn't mean they have to tiptoe around us and our loss.

shandorfml2

Morena Mama said:

~Living children mentioned ~ @Happyin14‌ I can commiserate. I feel like I'm letting my kids down by constantly thinking about what life would be like with Nathaniel here. I try not to, but it's hard. I was so excited for his arrival. Where do I go from here? OT, my son before Nathaniel was born the same day as Prince George and Nathaniel would have been around the same time as the next royal baby. Seeing all the talk about Princess Kate's baby is breaking my heart. Is that normal?

**siggy

I totally understand about the royal baby! Not only did we get married the same year, but my angel was due the month before Prince George, and now she is due the same month I am with my rainbow. Kinda strange, and seeing the magazines with baby George is hard...makes me think "Ana would be that big"

Littleowl913

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? 
Nope.
What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? The same ol' healthy goal. The holidays made me slack on my low-sodium diet and my BP  is showing it. I'm hoping it's the sodium instead of my  meds not working. 

QOTW: Did anyone receive any gifts in memory of your child over the holidays?  Feel free to share a photo if you wish! I didn't receive any gits but I bought one for myself! I purchased a memorial necklace from Etsy so I would always have something to honor Ronin. I loved it but unfortunately I had an allergic reaction to it (I tried to blame it on my scarves but finally had to admit it was my necklace). So I ordered myself a new one and according to USPS, it should be arriving tomorrow 

ikrystal

**ticker**

shandorfml2 It hurts me when people use the wrong words - even when they correct themselves.  They mean well, but it still hurts to hear.  I've been thinking about you and praying for you - hoping you are doing well.

Happyin14 I am sorry you are feeling this way.  But you are a great mother and you love all of your children.  Be kind to yourself, it is hard losing a child. 

Morena Mama When you said this is hell - I couldn't agree more.  Big hugs to you- sending lots of love. I'm sorry you feel this way. 

Maybe Joleisa I think your plan sounds good.  I know it is so hard putting together memory things for your babies instead of holding them, but I think you will cherish what you put together for your whole life.

MaiTaiBeth Thank you!  And I love the idea of getting two Pandora bracelets.  That would be a beautiful sentiment for your daughters. I also like your idea of writing a letter - I did that for my boys right after we got home and kept writing for weeks (which eventually turned into my blog).  It was very therapuetic and I truly believe that our babies know how we feel. Big hugs to you. 

Littleowl913 I love the necklace idea!  I have a ton and I love having something that reminds me of my boys close to my heart.  I'm sorry you had an allergic reaction but I hope that the new one works out!

mrswheelo

New to the board and checking in! Hope that's ok. ....

1- I didn't think I had done much to heal this week, until I went to renew my license. The ladies there were talking about old fashioned baby names and I chimed in about my husband and I leaning towards older name not often used anymore when picking out baby names. They liked our baby names. Then, a lady asks if I was expecting. I said no. And she asked how many children I had. I usually get uncomfortable and fumble that question. But I just smiled and said that those were the names we gave the twins we had and that sadly, they passed away. It was have to see the sad expression she gave me, but I felt better telling the truth, instead of saying we didn't have any children yet.

2- My goals this year so far are just to get through it! We have alot of remodeling projects we can/should do. So that is on the list

3- We got several memorial gifts! I was so happy!! A neighbor got us an ornament. It is 2 bears holding a heart. 1 in a pink hat. 1 in a blue hat. A friend got us 2 rocking horses (originally intended for a baby shower gift), made into a memorial by having each baby's name painted on them. A large printed blanket that had our maternity pictures and ultrasound pictures from Wal-Mart photo center. My mom gave us the blanket she had been making. My husband gave me a heart shaped locket with the words "forever in our hearts" engraved and a ring with the twin's birthstone and their names engraved.

shandorfml2

@mrswheelo love the memorial gifts, how sweet! I also like how you handled the question at the DMV. That is how I respond as well.

mrswheelo

Thank you @shandorfml2‌ ! I was surprised I was able to say that without choking up, but I did and I felt great! It's so hard knowing how to phrase that answer, especially when they are the only children we have.

CherryPicked

@shandorfml2 - I think about you often and continue to send hugs and prayers as you grieve the loss of your mother.

@ikrystal - The ornaments sound lovely!  We have a separate tree for our daughter's ornaments and I love it.

@msunshine123 - Thank you

@Happyin14 - I totally relate to being in a funk with the new year.  It is so hard.  Hugs!

@Morena Mama - Thank you!

@Maybe Joleisa - The ornaments with your boys names sound beautiful. 

@MaiTaiBeth - He got the figurine on Etsy from The Midnight Orange shop.  I will be thinking of you as you approach your girls' birthday.

@Littleowl913 - I'm excited for you to get your memorial necklace!  I wear mine every day and it's a small way to feel closer to my daughter.

@mrswheelo - Check in as often as you like!  You are certainly welcome here!  Answering the how many children question is always so hard.  It sounds like you found a good way to answer and still honor your children's memories.  

dadalou

 Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? We started planning for Nathaniel's birthday party. DH came up with a theme. We still need a place and a time, but we have some ideas.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? Figure out who to invite to the party and actually get invitations out. They should probably be done by next week if we want people to be able to come.

QOTW: Did anyone receive any gifts in memory of your child over the holidays?  Feel free to share a photo if you wish! Nathaniel actually got quite a few gifts. He got a first Christmas in heaven ornament, an angel ornament, some books to donate, a flock of chicks for a family in need somewhere, and a figurine of a woman holding a baby. DH donated money to help feed nursing mothers and babies.

The picture isn't working, but it's on my blog.