Sorry for a name rant... but why does this have to be so difficult :,(

TiffanyJill

My husband and I are truly struggling on names at the moment. He comes from a strong Italian family and has a very Italian last name. However, he is also Irish as am I. My maiden name was Patrick. For that reason we made the compromise "even before having kids" that boys could have Irish first names seeing that they will always be identified at being Italian by their last names. Girls were the opposite, since they would more than likely lose their last name down the road they would have Italian first names. We decided on 2 possible girl names and said we would wait to see what she looked like to decide and actually have 5 boy names that we have both been crazy in love over. I told my husband he could make the final decision on any of the 5 names and I would not be disappointed. Then about 2-3 weeks ago he requested his cousin send him their family tree and he keeps pushing for Italian boy names... ones that I really do not like.

I know I am complaining but I feel like I am being robbed here... That my heritage doesn't matter... and that my opinion doesn't either. Where I did feel like we were in a great place for names now feels like one or the other is going to be gravely disappointed. I just feel like I have bonded with the names that we did have for months and now that is being taken from me. I hate more that I am a people pleaser and part of me is just tempted to give in, but I also know that I would be extremely disappointed if I did.

Thanks for listening/reading... can't really go to family on this one because both sides are too biased.

jmcmoe

What happens when the baby comes out with light skin and light hair?? I think an Irish name would be more appropriate in that case when we had DS we had two Irish names we liked (Finn - meaning fair, and Grady- meaning noble) we were leaning towards Finn until we saw him with super dark hair...that just didn't work for us! So Grady it is! And we ant picture him with any other name from our list!

4littlebears

Do you know for sure you're having a boy, or is it a surprise still? But for me, I'd stand my ground. Your opinion does matter, and you've been the one carrying this child for 9 months. You had an agreement too so I'd tell him he has to stick to that. Turn on the tears if that helps. If you're like me you won't have to, they'll just come naturally. I'm a crier when I'm hormonal.

TiffanyJill

That is how we were originally going to decide, if blonde and a boy Finn it would be! But in that argument,  what if this kid comes out dark hair/skin/full set of eyebrows... the works! I did tell my hub that I would go with Lucca if he HAD to have an Italian name, then when we have more kids in the future it is one that I could still blend with Irish names and flow fine. If we go all out Italian "Giuseppe"... there is no going back

Just feeling discouraged.

snowbaby1214

We have a very italian last name (DH is close to 100%) and he looks italian as well.  I am also mostly irish (I'm a mutt) with no italian blood what-so-ever.  Our boys names are latin (Griffin) and english (Ryder) and our daughter's name is welsh (Dylana) with baby-no-name having too many options to choose from.  I didn't really pay attention to the origins of the words, but the way they sounded with the last name and the way I personally felt about the names themselves.  Our first 3 also do not look italian at all.  It's important that you agree on the name; you don't want it to be something you regret later.

raveness

laziestdaisy said:

I'm sorry you and your husband aren't more in agreement. Names are definitely stressful and you really should love the choice. If you strongly dislike some of the ones he is pushing you need to speak up.

FWIW, my DS was born with tons of tons of jet black hair which subsequently fell out and he's now a light brown/dark blondie with hints of red. What they look like at birth isn't necessarily what they will be for the rest of their life. 

Just wanted to add that this is very true. I was born with jet black hair. Now, 31 years later, I naturally have dark blonde hair. 

Like PP have said, I would not budge on this. You had an agreement and he should stick to his word. 

Edvent

I think whatever you decide it's important that you both feel good about whatever name you end up picking. It doesn't have to make the whole extended family happy, but at least the two of you! Also I'm with @saiven on wanting to know if you've told him how you're feeling about it. Sometimes we assume others know when we're having a hard time with something, but you can' be sure he gets it unless you've clearly expressed what's going on. Good luck and I hope you can decide on something that makes you both happy.

Disneygeek77

I think what you want is very reasonable and fair.  I would stand your ground on this one.  Trust me, you will regret it if you don't. 

TiffanyJill

Yes, he knows how I feel about it, which is why I don't understand why he has now flipped on our name options. And he was actually born blonde and now has super dark hair. But even so, I would just tell my lo he was blonde as a baby that's why he is Finn. Our kid will get a name... I just wish one of us didn't have to feel like they had to settle. This was so much more fun when we were in tune on what we liked.

Disneygeek77

If he liked the names before, he will like them again.  

Stand your ground.

TiffanyJill

And no, we are team green. Just struggling with the boy name because I already agreed girls can have Italian names. Now he wants both.

jennielynn+

We are still stuck on no name but, have been trying to agree on narrowing the list down. We have an Italian last name with 4 "c"s in it so, it seems impossible to match with a nice first name. I think it is very important for both of you to agree. You each need to be comfortable with the final choice. It is a bit disappointing he wants to mix it up this late in the game.

However, I am not really into the whole name origin or heritage factor. You can always teach your child about both of your family histories. If you chose a family name that meant something special to you, that may be different. Also, I have been to Italy and Ireland. People I met have pretty much the same names you can find here in the states. They just say them with a nice accent.  

mmur76

I think you should try to convince him to use Patrick if it's a boy! A nice tribute to your family. I'm also biased since that's my husband's name, but I have always loved the name!

4littlebears

mmur76 said:

I think you should try to convince him to use Patrick if it's a boy! A nice tribute to your family. I'm also biased since that's my husband's name, but I have always loved the name!

It's a good name! I'd probably try to go for that.

TiffanyJill

I agree Patrick is a wonderful option, but he does not like the nn Pat. However he does like Patricio for a middle name. Italian version of Patrick. Would be Finn Patricio.

TiffanyJill

I could maybe compromise and fight for Patricio as a first name, but I still like our other previous options more. We are going to talk about it tonight... Thanks ladies for the compassion and suggestions. I am sure the final decision won't be until we see this lo and if a girl a guess we will have stressed for nothing on this!

TiffanyJill

@jennielynn+‌ four "c"s that would be tough to match up with! We were fortunate to visit my husband's grandfather's hometown in Italy. Seemed everyone was named Claudio, Rocco, and my husband's name, Marco! A few of our boy names were ones that we just both really liked that had family significance such as Everett. Our original top two were Finn Patricio and Everett Enrico, Enrico is my husband's middle name. I felt like both names included what we wanted!

Disneygeek77

I know this isn't the same thing, but my husband wanted a junior.  I on the other hand always knew I didn't want one.  I told him we could give our daughter a feminine form of his name and we could reverse his name for a son; but I simply didn't want a junior and stood my ground.  

He agreed and that is pretty much what we did.  First DD's middle name was Michelle and we gave DS his middle name.  

I think the names you picked out are a great compromise between both families and again I would suggest standing your ground.  

csjsmom

My SO wants a Spanish name to match his last name. I would like a name I can say and spell and since we live in canada, other people can say and spell. We're having trouble deciding. We each have 2 kids from our previous relationships and none of them have particularly Spanish names so I just don't get it! Eventually we will find one I guess.

llambrose

I think that you had a very good, reasonable and fair plan laid out and he is trying to change that. I would stand my ground for sure. It is not fair to push you out of the naming process especially since the baby will have his last name.

robsbabygirl08

I cry almost every time someone asks me what my sons name is around DH. His name is Robert Christian, and I told H from early in the pregnancy that I would call DS by his middle name. He never agreed, but didn't object either (he never gave his opinion) so I assumed it was all good. Well, once DS arrived and I started calling him Christian my DH had a shit fit and is adamant about calling him Robert, which is also what my MIL calls my DH. So there will be two Roberts in the same house which I think is dumb. I call my DH Rob so that nickname won't work for DS either. I hate feeling like my opinion does matter at all to DH. He has pretty much said as much. My baby is almost 2 weeks and I still just call him baby when DH is around.

TiffanyJill

@robsbabygirl08 that is terrible! Especially being that you told him what you planned to call him with no objections until the little guy arrived! Mad for you!! Can you call him Robbie or Bo?

misslizzy82

robsbabygirl08 said:

I cry almost every time someone asks me what my sons name is around DH. His name is Robert Christian, and I told H from early in the pregnancy that I would call DS by his middle name. He never agreed, but didn't object either (he never gave his opinion) so I assumed it was all good. Well, once DS arrived and I started calling him Christian my DH had a shit fit and is adamant about calling him Robert, which is also what my MIL calls my DH. So there will be two Roberts in the same house which I think is dumb. I call my DH Rob so that nickname won't work for DS either. I hate feeling like my opinion does matter at all to DH. He has pretty much said as much. My baby is almost 2 weeks and I still just call him baby when DH is around.

How about RC?

llambrose

robsbabygirl08 said:

I cry almost every time someone asks me what my sons name is around DH. His name is Robert Christian, and I told H from early in the pregnancy that I would call DS by his middle name. He never agreed, but didn't object either (he never gave his opinion) so I assumed it was all good. Well, once DS arrived and I started calling him Christian my DH had a shit fit and is adamant about calling him Robert, which is also what my MIL calls my DH. So there will be two Roberts in the same house which I think is dumb. I call my DH Rob so that nickname won't work for DS either. I hate feeling like my opinion does matter at all to DH. He has pretty much said as much. My baby is almost 2 weeks and I still just call him baby when DH is around.

I would call him whatever you want to call him since your husband is doing the same. I wouldn't even care if it made my husband mad, he is not considering your feelings and I think it is dumb when men feel like their son's have to have the same same as them, such an outdated, patriarchal tradition. I love both of my husband's names but won't use either one because it bugs me. The baby already has his last name, he doesn't have to have his first name too. I am all for mother's getting an equal part in naming (if not even the final say) I would never let myself be bullied into a name I didn't want to use. Stay strong ladies!!

kellycheponis

St. Patrick may have been Italian (google it) so that name is a great compromise!

Maebb

DH has wanted Gavin since almost the beginning. I am so-so about that name. I want Eli, but DH doesn't like it. We both kind of like Everett.

DH originally chose Gavin because it means Hawk. He wants to call the baby Hawk, but I am adamantly opposed to that. I may give in and agree to the name Gavin, but I will lose my shit if DH starts calling him Hawk.

@robsbabygirl08‌, @TiffanyJill, and others who are having name conflicts with your DH - I can empathize!

Disneygeek77

This will sound incredibly lame but I wanted Isaac because I like the name and because it's nn is Ike.  I just got a huge kick out of calling DH and a boy Mike n Ike.  He nixed the idea, so we went with his middle name.  I understand, it was probably too cutesy and dumb.