Anyone else TTC while dealing with ED? **TMI warning**

roselynnerm

I think I've written this post a million time, but have never had the courage to post it. I've been with my DH for 8 years, and during this time, we have struggled to have a satisfying sex life due to erectile dysfunction. He questions conventional medicine, so he has been extremely reluctant to try medication. It is not an anatomical problem because he has gotten checked out (when after a couple of years into our relationship, I insisted). Our sex life has never been ideal for me, but I truly love my husband and so for 8 years, we have just kind of accepted our situation. We tried some couple's therapy, but other life stresses became the focus during those sessions, and our sex life issues got pushed to the back burner.

We know that his ED is caused by psychological/emotional issues, including performance anxiety, so basically, any time he knows I want sex or that he must perform (like during ovulation!), it sets us up for failure. I'll spare you most of the details, but suffice it to say that we had to get creative when we decided to start TTC. Lots of manual stimulation and then, ahem, depositing his stuff into my stuff, whether directly or using syringes. As you can imagine, TTC our first was extremely challenging, but we managed, two years and two miscarriages later, to welcome our son. The losses, of course, are unrelated to his ED, but in conjunction with whatever is causing my now three losses, I feel so broken and frustrated. After breaking down once more and pointing out to my DH that while I'm temping and testing, and timing and tracking my fertility, and seeing an RE and a therapist, he basically hasn't done anything to help us expand our family (which he tells me he desperately wants). DH is now looking into taking medication, but can't help but feel a little terrible demanding that he do something that he is uncomfortable with.

Where I am now: I think I O'ed last night (no temping this cycle or kits because we're on vacation.. just based on CM and the crampy/gassy feeling that I usually get when I O), and we did the deed, but we failed to successfully get his stuff into my stuff. And as if my life were a freaking sad, dark comedy, texts messages started rolling in announcing that my SIL had gone into labor.. exciting, but devastating all at once.

Anyway, big ol' diary entry here, but I'd love to get some words of encouragement or guidance. Anyone else living through a similar situation?

roselynnerm

I realized now that I edited out the more TM bits of I, so not so bad, I guess.

NB817

I first need to second everything Lemonblossom wrote.

I'm glad that you have let this out so you can 1. feel some relief by letting things off your chest (at least I always feel better when I do) and 2. Get some support.

I don't have any experience with ED but I do think you are right to feel like you're putting in all the effort and you SHOULD NOT feel badly about asking him to match your efforts. Sending you big hugs!

PS I'm super curious how you "get his stuff into your stuff"???