NBR-I hate empty gestures

CanukMam

I hate it when people vaguely say 'we should get together more' and never actually make any attempt to make plans. Or vaguely offer to help but never follow through. The latest is my aunt offering all these 'kids toys' for my son. I've asked her to bring them so many times that I think it was an empty gesture.

I feel like people who are 'all talk' get the gratification of making the offer without feeling the need to follow through.

I'm just feeling it more now because I could really really use the help but all I get are empty gestures. Guess you find out who your true friends are...

CanukMam

Fwiw, I'm totally fine doing everything on my own. I don't don expect anything from anyone. It just makes me a little sad that I can't take an offer at face value and be appreciative anymore. I don't want to get excited/look forward to something that is never going to happen

BookitBoo

I'm one of these people. I fully intend to make/keep plans with people but I'm kinda introverted and social interaction can take a lot of energy and leave me feeling drained. I sometimes have to decide the best use of my energy. I feel guilty about it and agree it sucks

kellimark

I get it both ways. I would never offer something tangible unless I meant it. So if I offered toys I would bring toys.

But also as an introvert I do say hey yea lets get together and don't really act on it. I feel the most times I do that is to end a conversation. If that makes sense.

LadyXaverian

I feel like there is a difference between "we should get together more" and something specific like "I am going to do (this thing) for you". The first is one of those things we all just kind of say (maybe we shouldn't...), but the 2nd would definitely get to me if it was a habitual thing from the same person.

marvan5

I torture myself over commitments I never keep. I'm introverted as well and I just feel obligated to say such things but rarely follow through. It takes a lot of energy as is to make time for myself, my DH, and our families and a couple friends. And even then I need plenty of alone time. I'll admit I am a flake but I accept my needs come first before others', and I doubt that it really gets to them as much as I let myself think it does. So I try not to make such commitments.

CanukMam

LadyXaverian said:

I feel like there is a difference between "we should get together more" and something specific like "I am going to do (this thing) for you". The first is one of those things we all just kind of say (maybe we shouldn't...), but the 2nd would definitely get to me if it was a habitual thing from the same person.

Agreed. Tangible things are the worst. Even commitments to assist with a specific task that seems to fall through Or the best one I recall is my sisters committing to spend Christmas with my young cousins. Three kids under ten bought my sisters gifts out if their own money and my sisters didn't show up. Its so disappointing for the kids. I'm going to do my best to shelter my kids from that disappointment, my family seems wrought with it.

General 'we should get togethers' are such common place, I get that, its just from some people it can be hurtful that they don't make more of an effort.