Is it okay to have a breakdown? — The Bump
TTC After a Loss

Is it okay to have a breakdown?

Today marks the day that we would have found out if we were having a boy or a girl... And to top it off I got on Facebook and 10 posts in a row were about people announcing their pregnancies.... I'm happy for them, but I just can't express my happiness towards them. I feel like I'm letting myself forget our baby by getting excited for others.

I just can't stop bawling and I feel like it's not acceptable to be like this after almost three months or that I'll be judged..

Re: Is it okay to have a breakdown?

  • I'm sorry your having a tough time right now. It sounds like your getting hit from all sides. :( ((hugs))
    Me: 24 (hypothyroidism)
    Married June 2012 
    TTC September 2014
    BFP #1 October 17, 2014
    MC #1 October 26, 2014
    Benched 2 cycles (hoping to TTC January) 
    Off the bench as of Jan 2015
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  • Thank you @agpjt413‌ @BookishMomma‌ I really needed to hear that it is okay.
    [Deleted User]
  • Hugs. Remember you are absolutely not obligated to give your friends well wishes if you're not in a place where they would be genuine. So sorry.... Facebook can be a bitch and I know you didn't need what you saw today of all days.
    started TTC 3/2014 & got hitched 4/2014
    husbter's a 38 y/o smarty pants phD/me? a 27 y/o cat lady extraordinaire
    & we're missing our darling barnacles:
    May 2014 loss @ 9 weeks, MMC, no hb found at first appointment | edd dec 4 2014
    October 2014 loss @ 12 weeks, MMC measuring 10w after hearing hb @ 8w | edd apr 15, 2015
  • I'm sorry your having a tough time right now. It sounds like your getting hit from all sides. :( ((hugs))

    Yes it's been rough the last couple of days. I finally decided that I shouldn't go on FB because that's all that was on the newsfeed

  • It's totally okay to breakdown. Grief is a sneaky bitch who is neither linear nor logical. Mourning does not have an appropriate timeline. ((((Hugs))))
    [Deleted User]
  • It's completely okay.  We all have our bad days.  Like @bookishmomma said, grief is not linear (that's one of my favorite sayings because it is so very true).  (((hugs))) to you.  
    TTCAL January Siggy Challenge: Animals in the Snow


    About Me: 

    AMA 35 :  DH 33
    BFP#1 1/26/14 (EDD: 10/7/14).  MMC 3/10/14 D&C 3/14/14
    RE Consult 11/3/14 - AMH 2.25 "great" . FSH 7.10 . Low Vitamin D
    Myomectomy 12/17/14.  Benched until March.


    My Ovulation Chart
  • It's totally ok to breakdown and don't beat yourself up when you do. It happens to us all. I hope your upcoming days get better *hug*

    Oh, and as someone else said, you don't have to be all gaga over others announcements. There are times in life you have to think about YOU and this is one of them.
    I am not sure how to say this without getting a "solicitation" warning so I guess I just say that I am not longer active on THIS site. 

  • ((hugs)) Something that my DH and I have struggled with, and we still do, is that it is okay to feel however you do at any given moment. For me, my emotions change quite frequently and I think I'm finally okay with that. It's been 8 months since my first MC and it still hurts - don't beat yourself up about the time. Someone once wrote something to the effect of...if your parent passed away would you try to forget and move or, or feel bad about it? When I think about that, my answer is no, no I wouldn't. Food for thought. ((more hugs))
    Married my partner in crime 06/11/11
    DH: 29, Me: 28
    Started TTC 10/01/2013
    BFP#1: 03/05/14 | EDD: 11/11/14 | MC: 04/10/14 | D&C 05/01/14 [Molar]
    BFP#2: 10/15/14 | EDD: 06/25/14 | MC: 12/02/14 | D&C 12/04/14 [MMC]
    Current Status: RE appt 01/20/15 & Cleared to TTC
    Plan: Baby Aspirin, More (raw) folate, PNP, Iron, diet
    DX: MTHFR hetero C677T, ANA+ Homogeneous, Anemia. Ige sensitivities: gluten, egg, dairy
    All AL Welcome<3
    “Once you are real you can't become unreal again. It lasts for always.”
    We will never forgot our angels<3

  • ((Hugs)). My most recent loss was about 3 months ago, and I still have bad days too. It's hard. Please don't put pressure on yourself to be okay, when your just not there yet. If you need to cry, then cry. More ((hugs)).
    BFP #1: 5-14-2010, DD born 1-22-2011
    BFP #2: 4-20-2012, Natural MC 5-1-2012
    BFP #3: 7-19-2012, DS born 3-27-2013
    BFP #4: 9-13-2014, MMC discovered 10-27-14 at 10w, d&c on 11-6-14 

    [Deleted User]
  • I'm so sorry.  Some days it just feels like the universe is sending a message that you shouldn't have even bothered to have gotten out of bed that day.  Sounds like today is one of those days for you, unfortunately.  :(  Can you go do something kind for yourself?  Get your nails done or a massage or something?  (((hugs)))
    Married to DH since 6/30/2007
    Me: 32  DH: 32
    BFP #1: 4/1/2010 DS born: 12/3/10
    TTC #2 since 5/2014

    BFP # 2 : 6/16/14 EDD: 2/25/15  Missed Miscarriage discovered 7/10/14 D&C 7/17/14 Pathology results normal
    BFP #3: 10/21/14 EDD: 7/6/15  11/24/14:  Saw heartbeat! 
    Missed Miscarriage discovered 12/22/14 at 12w0d D&C 12/23/14 Pathology: Partial Molar Pregnancy/Triploidy
    ~~Currently benched following PMP~~ 
    **all AL welcome**

    image image
    TTCAL January 2015 Siggy Challenge:  Animals in the snow
    Scumbag Penguin


  • ((Hugs)) You have every right to grieve in your own way.  My loss was in October and I still have days that I can't handle anything baby or pregnancy related without being sad.  It's an emotional roller coaster.  Hopefully tomorrow is better for you.
    Me: 26 DH:28
    TTC - Sept 2014
    # 1 BFP - October 5, 2014 EDD June 5, 2015 CP - October 14, 2014


    TTCAL January Siggy Challenge: Animal Interactions in the Snow
  • So many (((hugs))). This season is hard in general, and social networks can often make it worse. I've stepped away from FB for the past few weeks, because it can get to be too much - no matter how long since your loss. Be kind to yourself. 
  • ((Hugs)) and so much understanding and support. It's totally okay to have a breakdown. Be gentle to yourself and give you as much time as you need.
  • I have seen 2 baby related FB announcements today as well... There is a part of me that is truly happy for my friends.  BUT I am also still sad over our loss, and it just stings.  In the end you feel what you feel, and take care of yourself best you can.
  • *hugs* if it makes you feel any better, I went for a long walk yesterday so I could cry in peace.
    Momma to 3 angels and two amazing children
    F born June 2018
    W born September 2020
    #3 due November 2022
  • It's been over a year since my loss and some days, something triggers it and I end up crying and want to crawl into bed. It's definitely okay and normal. (((hugs))) - hope you feel better.
    TTC: Since July 2013
    BFP #1: EDD 05/27/2014 (D&C 10/17/2014)
  • It's totally okay and normal to have a breakdown. Be gentle to yourself. Facebook is always difficult for me. I have really tried to stay away from it since my loss. (((Hugs)))
  • To echo what PPs have said, there is not appropriate time line for grief. I have my good days, my bad days, and some really bad days. Don't beat yourself up over being sad. It takes time, and I personally don't think the it will ever completely go away, nor do I want it to. I don't ever want to forget or pretend it didn't happen.
    Take it easy. Allow yourself to grieve just don't let it consume you.

    Sending lots of big squishy ((hugs))
    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
    [Deleted User]
  • Hugs. Rough days happen, there is no timeline on this stuff. Go easy on yourself hun.
     Daisypath Anniversary tickers        Daisypath Happy Birthday tickers

    Oct Angel*BFP 1/25/14 * EDD 10/6/14 * US#1 2/26/14 *US#2 3/3/14 no heartbeat*d&c 3/12/14*

    BFP 1/17/15 * EDD 9/30/15


  • *hugs*

    I had my loss over 5 months ago and some days I still think about it and don't even want to get out of bed. Before I had my ectopic I was in the best shape of my life, woke up everyday dressed to impress for work, was happy and motivated. Now, I am about 20 lbs heavier, miserable most days,  get up 10 min before I need to leave and put on the easiest thing that is laying on my dresser. I know that I cant continue to act like this, however I don't feel guilty or embarrassed or judged. Ill be ready to start the healing process when I am ready, not when other people tell me I should.

    I also hid a lot of people on FB including family members because I just couldn't handle their pregnancy updates, or their complaining about being a new mom.

    Me: 31 DH:28

    BFP: July 6 2014. Ectopic discovered at 7 weeks. TTC since February 2014

  • It's totally okay to have a breakdown sweetie (ex: see my post last night when I was a basketcase).
    There's nothing easy about this road. I'm so sorry you're having a rough day. Sending ((hugs))
    Married 07/2006, TTC since 2010
    08/2011: Clomid 50mg, IUI --> BFN  ,
    10/2011: Clomid 100mg, IUI --> BFN

    04/13: Clomid, IUI BFP --> MC at 6w1d
    05/13: Femara 2.5mg, IUI --> BFN  , 08/13: Femara 2.5mg --> BFN
    03/14: Femara 5mg, IUI --> 1 follicle @ 27d --> BFP! EDD 12/02/14--> blighted ovum, missed MC 6w6d --> D&C
    4/23: D&C...starting over again, with a little part of my heart broken off
    5/31: Femara 7.5mg --> cancelled cycle, no follies
    7/14: Femara 5mg + brevelle + menopur + IUI --> converted to IVF, ER 7/28 --> ET cancelled due to severe OHSS.
    9/20/14:  Frozen Embryo Transfer --> BFP--> EDD 6/6/15 --> MC at 5w3d 
    10/16/14: Frozen Embryo Transfer --> BFN
    2/6/15: Frozen Embryo Transfer --> BFP --> MC at 5w4d
    3/20/16: PGS-tested Frozen Embryo Transfer --> BFP, Living Child born 12/1/15
    6/6/17: Fresh IVF Cycle --> Severe OHSS, 5 PGS-tested embryos frozen
    2/23/18: PGS-tested FET --> BFN
    3/30/18: Cancelled cycle due to lining 4.2mm
    6/21/18: PGS-tested FET --> BFN
  • Big ((hugs))

    IUI#3 brought us our dragon baby Z

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

    TTCAL January 2015 Siggy Challenge: Animal Snow Interactions 

  • The holidays were tough for me too. I had been doing a lot better lately but Christmas came along with all the pregnancy announcements and it hit me hard. We would have found out the sex just before Christmas. Hugs to you!
    Me: 25 DH: 25, married 5/2013 
    TTC baby #1 since 9/2014 
    BFP #1 9/16/14, MMC 11/5/14 
    Dx Factor V Leiden 12/2014 
    BFP #2 1/16/15 Hoping this is our rainbow baby!
  • This happened to me yesterday... I had just looked at facebook yesterday for the first time in a while and I saw an announcement and it made me freak out. My birthday is Sunday and Friday we would have found out what we were having. It's been a poopy poopy week.
    I feel your pain.
    Married: August 16 2014
    EDD: July 12, 2015  MC: November 30, 2014 8weeks
    Clover Grace
     our little angel.
  • I completely feel your pain. We had our loss in August and it seems like every day someone new is announcing their pregnancy. We have been TTC for three cycles unsuccessfully now and had my most recent breakdown over Chriatmas. It's totally unfair, but it's ok to be sad. We will get our rainbows. Bring it on 2015!
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