I am not a regular poster here, but have gotten some great advice from this board over the years regarding DS1 and am really struggling now and need either some support or a slap in the face
DS1 (4.5) has an anxiety and Language Processing Disorder diagnosis, and we are looking at possible ASD. We JUST finalized his IEP a month ago, and the support in place for him seems like it's going to be great for he remainder of his preschool year. Next year, he'll be in kindie, and we're moving, so we'll have to start this process over with the new school district.
He is a sweet boy at his core, but his default emotion on a daily basis is so negative. I feel like I always have to be "on" to make or keep him happy and even keel. This morning I was in the shower when he woke up - he came in to the bathroom and I said "good morning!". He had an absolute meltdown that I wasn't downstairs ready to make breakfast. Not because he was hungry, but his ritual was thrown off because he woke up earlier than usual. He also struggles to sit still and focus on any task at hand, and is ALWAYS seeking my or DH's attention. When I try to have conversations with him, most of the time he responds by reciting TV show lines. He truly exhausts me, and there are many days that although I love him very much, I don't like him, his attitude, and the way he seems to make normal, and a lot of times fun, situations difficult and complicated. I know many of you can relate.
I also have a DS2 (2.5) who is very opposite. He is adaptable and easy going. I'm grateful for the balance he brings into our lives.
I just got a VERY surprising BFP (our birth control failed), and am scared and feeling really depressed over it. We were "done" and DH was planning on a vasectomy next year. The daily craziness of being a mom with two kids and works aside, I find managing DS1 and his support (maybe this will prove to settle down soon, but so far it's been two years of constant struggles with the PA EI and IU units and getting the right support in place, and we'll have to do it again in the fall next year when we move and he enters into a new district in K) to be more than a part time job. I'm also struggling myself with an eating disorder, which I'm sure is lending to my overwhelm.
I don't have the bandwidth for another SN child. I am grateful that DS2 has been more mainstream so far. DS1 was a crappy sleeper, nurser, eater, you name it. Then with his severe speech delay, we knew there was something not right. I am so overwhelmed by the thought of another SN child that I have thought about not continuing the pregnancy, which absolutely shocks me and makes me so sad.
I know there are plenty of people who have more on their plates, handle it, and feel blessed. I feel awful and selfish, but the thought of a potential additional SN child makes me feel absolutely trapped.
Was anyone else scared to have another baby after a SN child? Will this feeling ease? Is the likelihood of having another SN child higher since we already have one? I don't know. Any words of advice/wisdom? Thank you.