accept if you think expectant mom can parent?

Rachel7181981

I am very new in the process and trying to make sure I know exactly what I believe is right and what may be wrong going into adoption.  I also want to make sure

I do my best not to offend, so...

If you felt that the expectant mother could parent their child in a safe and loving environment, would you accept the placement? Ive read a lot of stories from birth moms regretting their decision (I google worst case scenarios often and have been reading anti adoption websites to get another POV) and just want what is best for the baby.  I know money can be a huge obstacle to overcome, but if that is the sole reason someone is placing their child, I'm not sure I can deal with that?

Also, I have read from a lot of expectant moms that they get annoyed by their family questioning their decision to place their child.  Should I just assume they have researched and that the agency has counseled them on exactly what will take place? 

Dr.Loretta

Yeah, you need to back away from worst case scenarios and anti-adoption blogs, or at least balance them out with other POVs so you don't overthink one side or the other.

IMO most adoption plans are specifically because of financial issues. You may have e-parents who are already living on the edge parenting other children, or just aren't in a place where they feel they can give a child (any child) what they feel is best for them. And usually that comes down to having financial resources.

Without getting into specifics, it's quite possible DD's birth parent could have parented her. But it would not have been the life she envisioned for her child, so she chose someone who could provide that kind of life for her. As pinkie stated, it's not my place to make that kind of determination. She knew exactly what she was getting into with her adoption plan, as evidenced by her actions during and after placement.

WannaBmomma

My child's birth mom chose us to be parents. She was already a mom to two who she needed help with. She knew she couldn't raise a third child. She sat down with us and explained she knew we could be the parents that our daughter needed. She loves our daughter so much. If love alone could raise a child, we wouldn't have our daughter today. She wanted more for her. We are blessed that she is an active part of our daughters life. She never had to worry about our daughter. I know they will have a close bond as she grows.

I know it was extremely hard for her to sign the termination rights papers and to give birth to a child to a child and not take it home. She told me that dye couldn't do it for just anyone that she loved me and her brother and she could do it for us and our daughter.

Like the others said, when one begins the adoption journey they so not do it without weighing out all options. I feel they want what is best for the child. They are mothers and love these children. I admire these women who have that kind of strength. I don't think I could be that strong

CarolinaGirl2014

I'd also caution against spending too much time in the anti-adoption world. It can very quickly stress you out, though I think it's great you now know both sides.

I think this is the beauty of using an agency- if you trust them and their counseling you can trust them to have thoroughly counseled the EMom on her choice as well as communicating with family. It's sweet that you care so much but it's not your job to worry about those things- just love and support her and enjoy the hope for you.

I agree that most birth parents in DIA could parent. I could have, but it once again came down to wanting her to have two parents in her life daily as well as the desire to take the stress of limited financial resources out of her life. I've seen what single parenting and parenting with limited resources/while in school has done to my friends as Moms. A deserved better than that version of me. I've known birthmom's with the same finances as their child's adoptive parents, but weren't ready to do it alone or put career on hold.