Behavior help

Pokedot

Ok mama's I need some advice. Friday night we had some friends over who have a 13 month old. He's a peanut of a thing and not walking so thus B recognizes him as a "baby" vs someone close to his age. He was taking every toy away from him possible, not sharing and overall being an absolute nightmare. We had to remove him from the situation no less than 5x. I talked to him before hand about a little boy coming over (not using the word baby), the importance of sharing his toys and how he needed to be nice. I tried to get hime excited about meeting a new friend etc. I also reminded him just before they came then got down on the floor with them to remind him how to share etc.

By the end of the night when he realized they were leaving he was all about sharing. I just don't get it. The majority of the time he was awful. Screaming, crying, almost hit the little boy on the head. We notice that if he's not the center of attention he acts out. He's also really threatened by kids younger than him, specifically babies. Do you ladies have an suggestions on what to do and say? We're currently ttc so I'm extra nervous about a possible little one in the more near future. 

BeebopandBuddy

I would suggest giving positive attention for doing good things and modeling what you want to see. Ask him to share a toy and, when he does it, cheering and clapping. Also emphasizing it when you share, even when it feels silly. If DH asks me to hand him the butter at dinner, I'll say "I would love to share the butter with you!" Also books on sharing. My kids like "Llama,Llama Time to Share".

Pokedot

BeebopandBuddy said:

I would suggest giving positive attention for doing good things and modeling what you want to see. Ask him to share a toy and, when he does it, cheering and clapping. Also emphasizing it when you share, even when it feels silly. If DH asks me to hand him the butter at dinner, I'll say "I would love to share the butter with you!" Also books on sharing. My kids like "Llama,Llama Time to Share".

I really like the book idea! I was doing that also. We emphasized sharing, we'd get excited when he did (but he only did 2x). I would take a truck and start a conversation like you said, "I would love to share this truck with Otis. Would you like to share too?" I'll keep working on it. We were hoping by sending him to DC 1 day a week he'd get better as well. It's a process! Thanks for the advice!

BeebopandBuddy

We struggled with sharing a while back once Ethan got old enough to want to play with the same toys as Maya. It's easier with siblings in one way because there are constant opportunities to practice versus someone visiting. Of course, the harder part is that it's constant because the other kid never leaves, lol. My kids still fight over toys often, but it's gotten better.

kelbel527

Is it possible that he was just having an off day?  Sometimes Aedan is awesome, other days I am pulling him away from situations constantly.  I would keep putting him in situations where he has to share with other kids and keep working on it with him, praising him when he does a good job sharing.  

I agree with beebop - books are a great idea and talking about sharing day-to-day is good as well.  We just bought calm down time & it looks like the same set of books has "Sharing time."  

I'd also say, that I wouldn't worry that it's a sign he'll have trouble with a little brother or sister.  Brody has behavior problems at school and went through a long phase of hitting kids at school.  However, he has the most amazing patience with his little brother.  Aedan will get in a sassy mood and do something to annoy Brody, or even smack him in the head for no reason, and Brody just takes it.  He very rarely hits back or hurts Aedan.  I have no idea why, but you might be surprised how good B might be with a little one.  

Pokedot

kelbel527 said:

Is it possible that he was just having an off day?  Sometimes Aedan is awesome, other days I am pulling him away from situations constantly.  I would keep putting him in situations where he has to share with other kids and keep working on it with him, praising him when he does a good job sharing.  

I agree with beebop - books are a great idea and talking about sharing day-to-day is good as well.  We just bought calm down time & it looks like the same set of books has "Sharing time."  

I'd also say, that I wouldn't worry that it's a sign he'll have trouble with a little brother or sister.  Brody has behavior problems at school and went through a long phase of hitting kids at school.  However, he has the most amazing patience with his little brother.  Aedan will get in a sassy mood and do something to annoy Brody, or even smack him in the head for no reason, and Brody just takes it.  He very rarely hits back or hurts Aedan.  I have no idea why, but you might be surprised how good B might be with a little one.  

No it wasn't an off day. He was so excited that "Otis" was coming over. Whenever he's around kids younger than him he's terrible. He hated my niece until he realized she wasn't a baby. He got better when he could play with her vs her not knowing and taking toys etc. It's so hard to explain to a 2 yo that the baby doesn't know but you should kind of thing. I realize it's a work in progress. I was just so embarassed of his behavior. Especially when he really is such a good kid. I'll keep working on it and maybe some more playdates. I'll just forewarn mom's "your child could be harmed" hahaha 

hmp1

I really wouldn't worry about the sibling aspect yet. You are a year away from them even attempting to play together if you are like 2 min pregnant right now. James was a totally different kid at 3 than 2 (although he was a worse kid at 3, lol). Putting him in situations to share with (younger) kids is the best way for him to learn. Teaching James to trade was a big thing for us. If he wanted what Leo was holding, he had to offer Leo an equally awesome toy to trade. It was still Leo's choice to trade, but Leo is a happy go lucky kid that would almost always switch. And teaching James to ask for help if Leo was encroaching or grabbing instead of pushing Leo away.

Since he has the new train table, take him to a book store or somewhere public with a train table and let him play on it with other kids. When a new kid comes up, tell him to share two of the trains with the new kid.

AKB090609

I would say practice, two year olds are designed to hoard resources (toys, food, attention....) the only way for them to get better at it is to be given lots of opportunities to share.

kelbel527

hmp1 said:

I really wouldn't worry about the sibling aspect yet. You are a year away from them even attempting to play together if you are like 2 min pregnant right now. James was a totally different kid at 3 than 2 (although he was a worse kid at 3, lol). Putting him in situations to share with (younger) kids is the best way for him to learn. Teaching James to trade was a big thing for us. If he wanted what Leo was holding, he had to offer Leo an equally awesome toy to trade. It was still Leo's choice to trade, but Leo is a happy go lucky kid that would almost always switch. And teaching James to ask for help if Leo was encroaching or grabbing instead of pushing Leo away.

Since he has the new train table, take him to a book store or somewhere public with a train table and let him play on it with other kids. When a new kid comes up, tell him to share two of the trains with the new kid.

This is us to a T.  Our rule is that Brody can't take away whatever Aedan is playing with, he needs to offer a trade.  Aedan almost always trades, even if it's inferior.  He loves his brother.

Hyaline

For sharing: Trading has been awesome for us, as well as designating "the red one is yours, the blue one is Timmy's."  I think the concept of "I can have anything taken from me at any time" is terrifying for toddlers, and so they avoid sharing and hoard their stuff.  But if it's "trade X for Y" and they learn they can trade back, or "you use this one, I'll use this one" I think the concept is more concrete and basic than this scary broad "sharing" thing. We practiced trading at home a lot.  And there are special toys that I won't make DD share--she doesn't have to share her favorite Snow White little people toy or her baby doll.  That's just too much, haha.

Overall with littles: Probably nothing to add here except keep exposing him, preferably in short doses so he doesn't get overwhelmed.  Give him positive attention while the baby is there so he knows he's not getting displaced.  I kinda get it--tiny babies get a ton of attention whether people mean to or not, and for a kid who's outgoing and likes attention, that can be threatening.  Like hmp said, it's borrowing trouble to worry about how he'll be with a sibling now.  A lot can change in a year or so.

watercolor5

We don't really do the trading thing, but I often tell Sophia to go find Julia a toy she will like.  It forces her to stop what she's doing, and consider her sister before she goes back to playing.  Usually she really does come back with a toy Julia would enjoy, though occasionally she gets distracted in the playroom and either comes back with a new toy for herself, or brings her sister something random like a bib. 

This probably works better for toddlers and babies, than when kids are closer in age and start to get competitive- then we institute taking turns.  Julia will pretty much love anything that Sophia has shown interest in, so having Sophia bring her something else holds her attention much better than if I had gotten something for her.