What do you think about this?

miss2697

So I have a good friend that has been talking about her 30th birthday since last year. It's in August. She bought some sort of vacation timeshare for it. I guess she can choose where she wants to go and she made it clear she wanted me and our other good friend to go. Our other friend has a 4 month old. Now she tells us she wants to go to Key West and for a week. That sounds awesome to her other single friends that are going, but not so much for my friend and I. Neither of us has been away from the babies that long and it would be putting a lot on our husbands as well. I don't know how to tell her without hurting her feelings. Thoughts?

fabk

I would just tell her the truth. my sis invited me to New Orleans for her 30thbirthday this year. I said no. I couldn't afford it and couldn't fathom leaving Alex for that long. She was pissybut understood.

Dani428

I would be honest - and if she's a friend she should understand. Is it possible to join them for 2 nights or so? If not you can make up for missing the trip by bringing her out to dinner or something thoughtful if you feel bad.

Stacey099

F that. Like @casey78‌ said, offer a few days but no more.

Stina2012

Go if you want or tell her you can't go.

I'd hope a woman turning 30 could handle some friends not being able to make a destination birthday.

miss2697

I was thinking about making it just a weekend thing, but Key West is a pretty long drive from where I live and not sure I'd be up for the trip alone.

miss2697

@Mamasighs‌ That was the response I was looking for. However, I'm torn. I do think it's a selfish thing to ask, but she's been a really good friend to me. I also think she would not be as accepting of my reasons so we'll see how it goes.

miss2697

Plus, I'm off during the summer so it's not as big a deal for me. Our other friend works have to have her husband take a week off to stay with the baby since they don't have child care. Her husband already said he cannot take off since they have their own vacation planned in the summer.

miss2697

That was my first thought when she told me she bought a time share for her 30th birthday.

[Deleted User]

I feel like it's not that big of a deal. Just tell her you can't make it.

Unknown

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beckyanddon

A week is just too long. If it were me beyond the imposition that it would be placing on DH other family members would have to pitch in for childcare. The money would also be a factor. For a mom that kind of trip isn't exactly easy to take.

giraffeluvspi

When you say "she bought a time share" does this mean you have a free place to stay and you just have to show up? I'm sure she'll understand if people can't make it, but if she's all "Hey I bought us all a place to hang out in Key West" then this is different than "I'm getting a time share in Key West, and you all better come and split the cost for a week". 

ETA: I'm not saying anyone should go, just saying calling her out for "asking friends to drop a week of vacation time" may not be warranted. TO me it sounds like she's offering up a cheap vacation option, it just happens to cooincide with her birthday. 

miss2697

No, she bought it specifically for her birthday. And we haven't discussed the specs, but I'm sure we have to pay our way. Plus she knows that both families have planned family vacations that same summer because she had to work around them.

giraffeluvspi

I know she bought it specifically FOR her Birthday, I was just putting a positive spin on it. I'm sure she will understand, though, if you all can't make it or can only make part of the week. She should be up front with costs BEFORE planning it, though, or be prepared to eat the cost of whomever can't make it. Just booking a place without having that discussion or a firm head count and expecting people to pay is rude. 

PrimRoseMama

Mamasighs said:

No, it is. You and your H would have to arrange schedules and child care for the purpose of a full week for your friend's bday. That's an enormous imposition on you.
The more I think about it the crazier that seems.

This is where I am at. A weekend? Ok. A whole week is ridiculous to me.

I didn't ask for more than two days for my wedding. She's turning 30-- it's not this huge thing. :-??

Altima80

FFCM: I can't stand when adults make a big stink about any birthday beyond 21 years.

miss2697

@Altima80‌ I think she is a little depressed. Everyone around her is getting married and having babies and she's never had a serious boyfriend. I think this is her way of getting some sort of exciting event in her life. Another reason I feel bad for not being able to go.

PrimRoseMama

miss2697 said:

I think she is a little depressed. Everyone around her is getting married and having babies and she's never had a serious boyfriend. I think this is her way of getting some sort of exciting event in her life. Another reason I feel bad for not being able to go.

Ah I see. It does stink for her if she feels like others get "big events" & she's not in the same stage of life. She can do what makes her feel special. More power to her.

However, if she makes a big stink that you can't go then it's another story. Have the talk & let us know how she takes it.

opheliainwaders

econmama said:

Umm. You just tell her? My sis wants me to go to NYC in Jan for her 30th and I just simply said that I'd love to go, but it won't work out for us for these two reasons. That's it.

I'm just saying, you should come to NYC in Jan ;-)

new2011mommy

I would just be honest that you are not comfortable leaving your child for that long. I would not want to go away for a week and leave DD and DS home.

miss2697

Thanks, ladies. I'm going to have a conversation with my other friend to see if we can work out going together for a few days.