new to forums, advice about a jealous friend.

cameronaj21

Hello! I am 10 weeks and this is my first pregnancy. My husband and I have been trying for 2.5 years and we had given up only to find 3 months later I was pregnant. This has been a very happy and stressful time. The most stress is that my good friend (who is also my coworker) is very jealous. She is not in a position to have a child, yet severely wants one. She gets an attitude when I talk about about anything to do with my pregnancy, even if others ask me questions in front of her. Anyone else have this issue? How do you go about dealing with this? She is a close friend and I see her so often. I'm excited so how can I not talk about this every so often. I will not bring it up for days and 1 thing comes out and she instantly gets irritated.

mamijr

Put the cards on the table and tell her how her 'attitude' is making you feel. You've been trying for so long, she should be happy for you. For you it must feel like a miracle, you shouldn't have to stifle your excitement or walk on pins and needles around her.

cameronaj21

I have thought about this but feel it may make things worse. But, honestly I may just have no choice. I know she is in a hurry to get married and have a child. And I am sensitive to that, but damn it she is giving my pregnancy glow a damper.

Kalidawn523

I'm in a similar position except with my SIL. Last year we announced our pregnancy to my MIL, FIL and SIL and she had to leave bc it made her too upset. We didn't talk until after my mc when she called to see if I needed to talk. She wasn't supportive of my pregnancy but she was more than willing to support my mc. She's very jealous and depressed bc she's not married and having babies. Now I'm pregnant again after a long year of trying and we haven't told her. She's said things to me like she would "take a mc around now bc it would mean she was in the game" and I about lost it bc we were in beta hell and didn't know if we were loosing the baby again.

Some people are so caught up in their own feelings they can't put anything aside to be nice let alone happy. We are aknowledging this and planning on having DH tell her alone and leave to let her have her own feelings and reactions. It's a fine line to walk between being respectful of her feelings and walking on eggshells. I don't really know how to help you bc I'm in the same position but I wish you the very best. I understand.

cameronaj21

I really do not bring the subject up. I avoid it around her, so really it is maybe a few times a week she may hear a comment. I will obviously be talking to her soon. The reason I I say she is not in the right situation to have kids is because her boyfriend does not want them until they are married, as of now she is not engaged yet. I am not a person who gushes over this. Yes I am excited but I am also private about things. So I have thought about her side and realize sure it's frustrating but like most of you mentioned, this is a 2 way street. Before it happened it is all she talked about for me. I never even mentioned that we had stopped trying because it was just getting depressing. I suppose I'll take this advice and talk to her. The main reason I am having trouble is because of the work situation. I pretty much work side by side with her so it's not something that can just be avoided or that will make for a terrible work week.

cameronaj21

I can say I am glad to have found these forums to ask questions of others in the same situation, the last thing I need to do is to be asking friends that know both of us. I do not want any conflict. This is a happy time and as I know I should take her feelings into consideration. (And I will watch myself even closer now) I am still not going to let this be a downer for me.

cameronaj21

I am not mad at her by any means, it's just creating a weirdness. I don't think she is mad either. We aren't in high school, so I would hope there wasn't any anger anyway.. I just wanted advice on a good way to talk to her about this without completely overstepping on her feelings. I have never been a fan of talking about feelings, and now when I talk about anything that is upsetting I get so emotional it's embarrassing. So I can't just hide all of my symptoms and pretend everything is normal. Because well, it's not.

PrimRoseMama

I think both of you need to grow up. Life is short & BS is unnecessary. Tell her that you don't want things to be weird. Air grievances & move on.

How old are you?

cameronaj21

I am 26. I was not looking for advice on how you think I need to grow up, just on how to talk with a friend I have to see on a daily basis. I agree with the fact that all of this is unnecessary but unfortunately unnecessary things happen whether I want them to or not. I plan to talk to her after work tomorrow, she is just not the easiest person to talk to.

Kalidawn523

Honestly I would be straight with her. I think your concern is valid and it's not about being immature. It's a hard place to be in: stuck between being excited about your pregnancy and sharing that with your friend, and being sensitive to her feelings. It sounds like you've tried to do this. As I said before I'm in a similar situation although my SIL doesn't know, she suspects and she isn't happy about it. We are planning to be straightforward. My plan is to not flaunt it, but at the same time I'm not going to bend over backwards to hide my pregnancy. It will become very obvious sometime in the future and you will have to continue your relationship with the white elephant in the room. If she's a good friend you will hopefully be able to talk candidly with each other and come up with a way to get along that works for both of you. I wish you the best of luck tomorrow! FX for a good outcome!

cameronaj21

Thank you! I am hoping for a good outcome as well:) and I hope your friend comes around as well. It is a hard spot to be in and may sound "immature" to others but these things happen and immature think there are good and bad ways to go about this. Thanks for the advice.

Kalidawn523

Please let me know how it goes tomorrow! I am hoping it goes well!! I'll be thinking of you.

cameronaj21

Will do!

luna0803

Joy2611 said:

@BubblesMartin - ::wave::

 

It dawned on me to read your siggy.  Was I jerk to you yesterday?  I feel like I may have been.  I'm sorry if so.  :-)

Haha I keep waiting on this to happen to me. Someone is going to definitely be a dick to me at some point. I only have like <80 love tits. Yikes.

Meery82

If everything is really playing out the way you say it is, and you aren't gushing about pregnancy/baby business, then she is acting like a selfish child and needs to start acting like an adult before it damages your friendship. And you need to tell her that.

cameronaj21

@Meery82‌ I have heard this from others also. I will see how today goes and if that has to be said (I hope not) then I will just have to say it.

GSUDavis

OP, I have a similar situation, in that my best friend (who is also my SIL) is not likely to ever be able to concieve due to her and her husband's weight and health issues. I know that she is crazy happy for me, but I also know that it's a tender subject because she badly wants kids of her own. When I approach the subject with her, I do so lightly and with respect to her feelings and situation. I know that she's not going to act like a child when I mention my pregnancy, but I also know that I don't need to rub it in her face.

As others have said, pull back and do a self check to make sure you're not being a braggart and be respectful of her feelings as well.

Best of luck!

[Deleted User]

The user and all related content has been deleted.

sudjeyg

I don't think it freaking matters if you’re sharing too much. If she was really your friend she would be happy for you. Regardless of her situation. As a matter of fact if it bothers her, and she is really a true friend, she would talk to you about it. She will not in any way shape or form try to damper your happiness, especially if she knows what you have gone through to get pregnant. I say this because I was once that friend/sister. I am 9 years older than my sister, and had been trying to get pregnant forever. However, my sister got pregnant and was over the moon. I did feel some type of way at first! However, I made it clear to her although I was happy for her; I did feel bad, because it was me who was suppose to have a baby. She understood, and although she kept talking to me about her pregnancy, she would keep it to a minimum until I came to terms with it! She now has a baby 2 weeks old today, and I am 8 weeks pregnant with twins after my first IVF cycle. When I told her I was pregnant, her excitement was shocking to me, but never the less very welcome. Since all we have is each other. Our Mother passed away  1 1/2 year ago!  Life goes around in circles; you never know what will happen. Don't hide your excitement. Being pregnant is the best thing in the world, and if she was a true friend, she would be has happy for you as if it was her who got that positive result.. >-

momthatlifts

RedheadBaker said:

No one is required to be as excited about your pregnancy as you. Stop talking about it in front of her.

Um, no. I agree with the first part. But she doesn't need to tip toe and walk on egg shells just because her friend gets jealous. If someone walks up to her and asks her about it and her friend just so happens to be around is she supposed be like "hold on i'll meet you in the bathroom and we can discuss it there."? No. Sure, she doesn't need to brag about or flaunt it..

sudjeyg

TOO BAD!!!! FOR ALL WHO DON'T LIKE IT!!

momthatlifts

Joy2611 said:

Kalidawn523 said:

Some people are so caught up in their own feelings they can't put anything aside to be nice let alone happy. 

Yes, some people are so caught up in their sadness that they can't be happy for someone else.  But, some people can be so caught up in their happiness that they can't have empathy for someone else.

 

This is a two way street where neither always gets the right of way.

This.

It's perfectly ok to be happy about it and talk to it with co workers who ask questions. If she nows (which obviously she does) that this friend is jealous then she needs to not talk about to to her specifically. But like I said in my previous post, she doesn't need to run away everytime someone asks her about it just because her friend is standing right there.

If she is struggling with infertility or something a long those lines then I would be more sympathetic and tell OP that it would be more polite to talk about her pregnancy when said friend is in the room.

sudjeyg

I am glad tooo!! your need for empathy is pathetic!!

momthatlifts

sudjeyg said:

TOO BAD!!!! FOR ALL WHO DON'T LIKE IT!!

You're a fool. Regardless of the situation? You're completely heartless and probably clueless with life outside your little bubble of imagination and IGNORANCE.

sudjeyg

Speaking of FOOLS & STUPIDITY!!!!! I am happy you feel that way! speaking of ignorance to someone who has no clue!!

sudjeyg

momthatlifts

sudjeyg said:

Speaking of FOOLS & STUPIDITY!!!!! I am happy you feel that way! speaking of ignorance to someone who has no clue!!

Yes, I am speaking of ignorance to someone who has no clue. You. Are you stupid?

sudjeyg

sudjeyg

sudjeyg

wickedsugar said:

sudjeyg said:

I am glad tooo!! your need for empathy is pathetic!!

WTF... 

I am responding to all that had something negative to say about my comment! every body is entitle to their own opinion. If I get respect it will be returned. You get what you put out!! SIMPLE.. IS this better for you!

sudjeyg

JKBMA2014 said:

sudjeyg said:

Speaking of FOOLS & STUPIDITY!!!!! I am happy you feel that way! speaking of ignorance to someone who has no clue!!

Yes, I am speaking of ignorance to someone who has no clue. You. Are you stupid?

sudjeyg

wickedsugar said:

sudjeyg said:

Speaking of FOOLS & STUPIDITY!!!!! I am happy you feel that way! speaking of ignorance to someone who has no clue!!

The quote button is helpful so we know who you are responding to.. And be careful there, you are violating the TOS there.. 

sudjeyg

sudjeyg said:

JKBMA2014 said:

sudjeyg said:

Speaking of FOOLS & STUPIDITY!!!!! I am happy you feel that way! speaking of ignorance to someone who has no clue!!

Yes, I am speaking of ignorance to someone who has no clue. You. Are you stupid?

Not as Stupid as you to think I wouldn't reply to your Stupid comment!  I have stupid company on this forum!

sudjeyg

wickedsugar said:

sudjeyg said:

SO YOUR MOM RAISED YOU BETTER!! FROM STUPID TO STUPID!!! OK!! SMART PANTS!!!!

::::Shakes head:::: Yup you really are wanting to be banned aren`t you ?? 

Go for it! I am so scared!!!

momthatlifts

sudjeyg said:

sudjeyg said:

JKBMA2014 said:

sudjeyg said:

Speaking of FOOLS & STUPIDITY!!!!! I am happy you feel that way! speaking of ignorance to someone who has no clue!!

Yes, I am speaking of ignorance to someone who has no clue. You. Are you stupid?

Not as Stupid as you to think I wouldn't reply to your Stupid comment!  I have stupid company on this forum!

Wait, I'm trying to make sense of all the stupid in this post. You are saying that I thought you WOULDN'T reply to my comment? If that's the case, let me make it clear that I was hoping you would reply, doll.

sudjeyg

JKBMA2014 said:

sudjeyg said:

sudjeyg said:

JKBMA2014 said:

sudjeyg said:

Speaking of FOOLS & STUPIDITY!!!!! I am happy you feel that way! speaking of ignorance to someone who has no clue!!

Yes, I am speaking of ignorance to someone who has no clue. You. Are you stupid?

Not as Stupid as you to think I wouldn't reply to your Stupid comment!  I have stupid company on this forum!

Wait, I'm trying to make sense of all the stupid in this post. You are saying that I thought you WOULDN'T reply to my comment? If that's the case, let me make it clear that I was hoping you would reply, doll.

Congratulations!! DOLL
:-@

momthatlifts

sudjeyg said:

JKBMA2014 said:

sudjeyg said:

sudjeyg said:

JKBMA2014 said:

sudjeyg said:

Speaking of FOOLS & STUPIDITY!!!!! I am happy you feel that way! speaking of ignorance to someone who has no clue!!

Yes, I am speaking of ignorance to someone who has no clue. You. Are you stupid?

Not as Stupid as you to think I wouldn't reply to your Stupid comment!  I have stupid company on this forum!

Wait, I'm trying to make sense of all the stupid in this post. You are saying that I thought you WOULDN'T reply to my comment? If that's the case, let me make it clear that I was hoping you would reply, doll.

Congratulations!! DOLL
:-@

Thanks. Because you did exactly what I wanted you to do.
)

PrimRoseMama

sudjeyg said:

I am glad tooo!! your need for empathy is pathetic!!

Wow. Just wow.