What happens when one person changes the game?

branibug

My husband and I have been married for only a very short time; going on six months and due to work have not had the chance to live together yet as a married couple.  We both were on the same page about children, neither of us wanted them but agreed that if we happened to get pregnant it would not be horrible.  We both adore other peoples children and children are drawn to both of us.  I am not sure if it is our separation and inability to physically be together or what but lately I have been more open to the thought of expanding our family. It almost has come to the point where it is all that I can think about.  

To be honest, I am a little afraid to talk to him about this because I am not even sure if that is what I truly want; what happens if I have changed the "game" so to speak? Am I crazy? I feel like I should wait until he gets here with me (in one month to the day actually) and enjoy being married just he and I.  I am not sure what I am looking for here, I think it is more just a safe place for me to vent? Well thank you for your time. 

XCrissCrossX

I understand you're apprehension of changing the game and also your uncertainty about whether or not you actual want to. I would maybe mention something like "saw the cutest baby at the store and it made me want one" but I wouldn't have a serious 'we need to talk" conversation where you declare you want a baby--- because you're not sure. I think a series of conversations is best.

Even if your DH has changed his mind and you're sure you want one...  unless there's a reason that you'd need to hop on the TTC train soon, I would be married for a while before trying. DH and I were separated for about a year after getting married (military) and then I got pregnant right away (whoops!) when he got home. So our first year of being married and together was spent pregnant and with a newborn. No fun.

JennyH81

It sounds like you guys had at least not totally foreclosed the possibility of a baby - if you were both okay with maybe getting pregnant and didn't take any permanent action to prevent kids (vasectomy or tubes tied) then I would think this is something that can be discussed openly.  It sounds like you've moved from, "Eh, if it happens we will be okay with it" to "Maybe I really want to actually try to have a baby."  This is still pretty casual, and you need to discuss it so he at least is on notice that this is where your thoughts are (because as your husband he really should care about things like that, even if his thoughts on kids are different than yours).  Probably best to speak to him in person, and I agree with PPs that getting to live together as a married couple for a while is pretty important to figuring out what you really want.

Sugarplum0217

Having a successful marriage and being a parent means having open communication with your spouse. You need to sit down and talk to your husband about your feelings and see where he stands. You need two people to be completely ready to start TTC if that's what you decide.

I echo PPs and say you need to live together and be married before you try and bring the stress of a pregnancy and newborn into your relationship. Living together is difficult enough, enjoy some time together and then make a plan for TTC if that's what you both want.

bosco213

I agree with PP that you absolutely need to live together for some period of time before you start discussing TTC. My DH and I lived together for a year before we were married and I got pregnant 3 years after our wedding. I wouldn't change anything. We dated for 10 years before living together and it drastically changed our relationship.

littlebirdie28

Living together baby-free for a period of time is a solid piece of advice. My DH and I have been together for over 11 years, and twice during that time we had to be apart, one stretch was 2 years, the other 6 months for various educational and employment reasons. One of the best pieces of advice I ever received was right before we got married: always make time for yourselves as a couple, even if/after kids come along. It's so important to know yourselves as individuals and as a couple. I highly recommend waiting to cross that bridge until you've lived together and had experiences together. You might find that this baby fever is a phase that passes or you might learn that he has also caught it! Regardless, being together as a couple is so important. Good luck!!

jdanczyk

I have been with my DH for 8 years, lived together for 7 and married for 1.5.  our DD is now 12 weeks old, so I got pregnant not long after getting married.

All I can say is everything can change when you actually live with someone.  You truely get to know a person when you live with them, it may be for the better, or the worse, but I would recommend waiting until you live together before bursting out "i want a baby".  Maybe sneak it into conversations a bit starting off slow "_______ just had a baby, makes me think that getting pregnant wouldn't be such a bad thing" or something.  Drop hints and plant the idea in his brain....

Dana831

He said it won't be horrible if it just happens, so stop taking the pill and "accidentally" get pregnant lol.

MrsRustyGriswold

14whitney said:

He said it won't be horrible if it just happens, so stop taking the pill and "accidentally" get pregnant lol.

Are you serious right now? You're suggesting that she trick her husband?

Praying for that "great" idea to be MUD.