Single, pregnant, stuck

desiraeh93

Hello, I am 21, 6.5 months pregnant, and single. I am working two jobs, but I'm barely making it by as is even while living back with my parents. I need some inspiration! I am so scared for when this baby is born. Daycare is outrageous, but my bills need to get paid somehow. I'm also very hesitant to leave my child with anybody. Especially somebody who I don't know. None of my family is willing to provide childcare even half the time.

Baby's dad is not involved at all. He thinks he would hinder my plans for mine and my baby's future by being involved (I think he just doesn't want to pay for another kid; this is his second). He is also 14 years older than I am, and started dating somebody new when I was 5 months pregnant. I couldn't trust him with my child anyways...

I just want to hear from other single mamas. How did you survive financially and emotionally?

I should also add that I am overqualified for state assistance. And I'm going with a home birth because it will end up cheaper than a hospital visit out of pocket. (Plus I wish to attend school to become a home birth midwife).

MinnesotaMomma91

Deep breaths. I get by with a lot of deep breaths.

You do qualify for child support, but there is the can of worms that it can open your ex up to his parental rights.

Im a bargain hunter. I shop second hand for clothes, buy food when on sale/in bulk.

I was a single parent in school. It was rough i struggled. I graduated in october, have a job and im still struggling. But the ladies of the bump, my parents, and my friends help me cope.

desiraeh93

@MinnesotaMomma91‌ child support is out of the question because of that can of worms. But I appreciate your advice

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desiraeh93

@becwheat‌ thank you for your input.

He did tell me that if I went after him for child support, he would go after me for visitation rights. Which could potentially hinder my plans to move out of the state after I finish school. I'm rather determined to make it without him.

As for my money, it is all bills that I picked up before conceiving without thinking that I would have a child to take care of. I am eliminating my phone bill, and I have a couple other bills that I am dropping once the baby is born.

I am struggling to find affordable childcare in the area. I live in Boulder, CO which is getting more expensive by the day. Literally. I'm considering the option of taking on another child and working as a nanny so that I can stay at home with mine. But finding somebody who reliably needs childcare and can meet my financial needs is difficult too. I know something will appear for me.

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MinnesotaMomma91

And in regaurds to daycare, you can apply for daycare assistance. And tour daycare centers in home daycares to help ease your nerves.

Apply for wic and snap as well.

acbarbour

I am a BTDT single mom and I have as few things to mention.

1.  Child support and Visitation are two very separate things and you can get child support without having visitation established.  I would and have requested it.  You don't have anything to prove to him and he is just as responsible for that child as you are in the same ways only one is financial.  Visitation is another whether by phone or Skype or in person.  Look at what he does for his children now and expect the same or less.  Visitation may not even be an issue.

2.  Visitation is not always a bad thing.  In some situations based on the other parents living arrangements or mental well-being it is not safe but not liking a person does not mean they can not care for their child for a few hours.  I dislike my BD very much and can't stand any of his GF's but with the exception of one they all kept my DS clean, feed and safe while with him and I got to sleep through the night. 

3.  Lastly and most importantly.  DON'T LET HIM BULLY YOU!  I feel strongly about that.  You have the rest of your life to deal with this man and if you start letting him make demands or giving you ultimatums you are going to have that problem forever.  "If you ask for child support, I am going to ask for visitation" is a bully tactic and you should not give in.  Look at what these things really mean.  If you get money from me, I will watch the child two weekends a month.  That sounds like a win to me. 

Some moms here have chosen to not acknowledge the father at all and left them off the birth certificate and that is an option if you don't want to deal with him at all but that is a serious life long commitment that can not be gone back on.  Also, in most states custody is not determined by birth and each parent has equal right to the child so establishing sole legal and physical custody upfront is important.

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brinaroze1

I also live in an expensive area: Portland, Oregon. I haven't applied for assistance because I'm living with my parents and my dad's income is pretty high. My mom babysits DD while I'm at work. I would love to give her even a little $$ for her work, so I'm thinking of applying just to see what I may qualify for.

Other than my parents, my main line of help has been another single mom friend. She has two kids and a wealth of information. My advice is to find someone local who may know of resources in your area. Maybe someone you work with is in a similar situation as you? Can you do a sort of child care swap, where you pair up with another mom who works opposite shift as you and you take care of each others kids?

These are just a few ideas.

camilleashleyyy

I am in your boat darling, 21 & pregnant (14 weeks). Apply for assistance I am a full time student and I get finicial aid loads of it. And I am also going to be applying for food stamps and wic. My parents are divorced my dad barely pay child support and me and my 2 siblings plus my mom share a room. Different struggles but still a struggle. I am here for encouragement if need be darling. Hang in there. With hardwork you will get by.

jennaleigh23

Just wondering if anyone still checks back here.. 24 and pregnant.. 17 weeks today. BD left around 7 weeks. I'm doing ok just looking for others to talk to in the same situation.