What to say to a crying adult?

Cricket81

I know this is an odd question for Xmas eve, and really long, so sorry.

Back story: My family does not deal well with crying. My mom cried at the drop of a hat my entire childhood and it drove my dad nuts. He always just said "(insert plural last name) don't cry" and would ignore the person who was crying until they were calm enough to just talk rationally. Because of this, I'm really not a cryer. I will occasionally, but if I do, I just want to be left alone until I calm down.

So here's the problem, my MIL is a cryer big-time. I don't think there's anything wrong with that, I just have no idea how to respond to it in a helpful way.

Today, after being out of town for 2 weeks, se called me sobbing because someone keyed there car and they think it's their 94 year old landlady who is going senile. My MIL is totally overtired and overwhelmed. I get that. And having your car keyed really sucks. I get that too.

I said I was sorry, that it stinks and is unfair, tht they should call the cops, that it must be really overwhelming, but she just kept hanging on the phone sobbing like she was waiting for me to say or do something more. After like 5 minutes she got all huffy and said "sorry I bothered you, I'll let you got." I assured her she wasn't any bother and if there was anything I could do to please let me know.

What am I missing? Is there something else I'm supposed to say? I feel like I'm broken when it comes to giving sympathy to people when they're upset.

lioness13

Honestly I think you responded appropriately but everyone is different so there's not a one reply fits all response. But I assure you, "don't cry" is not a good one. I think people crying don't want to be crying but they hate to hear that.

You may want to talk to your MIL in a week or two and tell her how you felt and ask what she needed. You can explain that you want to be able to be there for her but you're not sure how and could use some advice. I think it could strengthen your relationship.

megaroo64

I think I would have said virtually the same thing. I'm not sure what else you could have done/said. I would touch base with her when the dust settles. I honestly think if you ask her what you could have done differently to support her, she won't really have an answer.

I am a crier myself, but I don't want to talk about it at all- so take my advice with a grain of salt.