OPP Tuesday ***pregnancies, babies, kids mentioned***

theholmanherd

Have at it, ladies!

typo31

*********Loss Mentioned***********

An OPP has really thrown my for a loop in the last few days, and I'm grateful to be able to share my F'ed up feelings here with those who (hopefully) understand.

My husband's twin brother and his wife (our best friends in the world) have a wonderful toddler they conceived on the first try. 2 months ago they informed us and a few close friends that they were trying again. I've been bracing myself for an announcement, and when we saw a few missed calls from my BIL this past weekend, my stomach dropped. However, once we called him back, the news was that my SIL had been pregnant but miscarried at 6 weeks. 

My mind was reeling after hearing this, and I'm feeling ashamed of all of the thoughts swirling around in my head. Primarily, I'm horrified and sad for them. But at the same time I'm...jealous? That they got KU immediately again? That's a completely insane thought I'm also...relieved for myself, that I won't be getting their pregnancy announcement on Christmas, as they planned? (they confirmed they were going to call us privately first, because they are kind and wonderful people). 

I'm just so upset right now, that IF has burrowed into my mind in such a way that there are ANY competing emotions when someone I love has gone through a loss. I feel like a broken friend.

dancerspose

I'm so sorry @typo31.  I completely understand the whirlwind of emotions IF puts us through when it comes to OPP.  Please don't feel broken or like a bad friend.  Just know that you're not alone in this, and the fact that your are grieving with them makes you a great friend. 

AFM - I don't want to start a political debate, that is not at all the intention of sharing this.  Has anyone else seen this story about how the US helped one of the Cuban spy prisoners who was released last week artificially inseminate his wife while in prison?  I happened to catch it on the radio on my way home last night https://www.npr.org/blogs/thetwo-way/2014/12/22/372525940/cuban-american-not-so-immaculate-conception

What isn't clear in any of the stories I've read about this is who payed for everything, but that's what hurts me the most.  I (a contributing member of US society) cannot get insurance coverage for my fertility treatments, but the government helps someone in prison for spying have a child?  What kind of sense does that make?  Believe me, I understand it's not that simple, but it still made me very angry.

cateyes543

@typo31‌-if does completely crazy things to your brain and makes you feel all kinds of emotions when you hear news of someone else's pregnancy. I know I have both been elated and devastated at the same time. I have trouble rejoicing with friends because I feel pity and sorrow. Have your feelings, know they make you human not bad, and don't hold them all inside. Hugs to you.

@shafwilson‌-that too makes me ragey, like regardless of who pays, why are prisoners getting IF help!

@kensie5226‌-hugs to you. Family parties can be super hard and family can say some of the most hurtful things, whether intentional or not Lean on your H and take time to cry/vent/ take care of yourself. FX that CD 1 holds off and you can start your testing soon!

pinkdoggie

A lot of you know I have a really annoying 19 year old cousin who is currently KU. I have to endure hearing about her pregnancy everey.single.day. On pinterest all she does is pin stuff about babies. Aside from that she is torn between two names, one of which is MY pick for a baby girl (Lola) the other is some ridiculous name from Game of Thrones (It's some dragon queen?) I have nothing aganist game of thrones, I've never seen it, but don't do that to the poor kid. But I'm hoping she doesn't go with my name though. I just keep thinking that out of 10 million names in the world she picks mine. Grrr. 

BandM14

@pinkdoggie Daenerys?? I love GoT but just..... no. I'm sorry that her other choice is your top name though (I love it, btw), I get how much it would hurt if she chose that.

@typo31 please don't feel like you are a horrible person, that couldn't be further from the truth! IF completely screws with our thoughts and emotions. I felt really bad earlier this week because a friend from work has been trying for the past 3 months (but on month 2 they didn't really get to try because they were both sick) came in to my office and said she got her period and was so disappointed because she really thought she was pregnant. Of course I would NEVER wish IF on anyone, but a big part of me felt relieved. And then I felt horrible for feeling relieved. I just think we have to be kind to ourselves and understand that all of our feelings are normal given what we are going through. 

dancerspose

iPutKetchupOnKetchup said:

Explain to me how it is "humane" to use federal funds to help a couple get KU by paying for an IUI which is necessary solely because the sperm is serving a prison sentence for spying against the U.S., but if MK gets deployed for 18 months fighting for our country we'd be shit out of luck unless we elected to pay the storage fee and do IUIs, all OOP because military health care, funded by DOD, doesn't cover IUI or IVF - regardless of whether the AD member is defending on U.S. soil or fighting overseas. Which is ironic in this instance considering that we couldn't get an IUI or IVF paid for, yet the very act of defending/fighting for our country includes protecting the U.S. from the negative impact of the intel obtained by individuals spying against it, who we'll totally help out as a favor to the Senator. Because that makes sense. 

THIS 1000000%  I can't do it while at work, and not that it will do anything anyway, but I do intend on writing to every elected official I can think of when I get home this evening to share just how infuriating this whole thing it.

pinkdoggie

@BandM14 - it's the other name...Kaleesi (sp?) I know I agree. That's why children shouldn't have children haha.

pinkdoggie

@Shafwilson - that article makes me so angry. I agree with ketchup, why do we treat our own citezens like shit? I am not an army wife but my father was in the air force and my grandfather was in the army so I am fiercely protective of people in the army and I think our men and women fighting for our rights are completely taken for granted, meanwhile people who aren't citezens of our country and are arrested (for crimes aganist our country) get to have a kid? What the actual fucking fuck. 

eskimozie

I found out the week I miscarried that my SIL was also pregnant with #2. She is due one week before I would have been and making that baby quilt, seeing her, reading facebook bits... it all makes me bitter and angry.  Every month, as I don't get pregnant, and don't get pregnant, and don't get pregnant, she gets bigger and bigger. Febuary is going to be a pretty rough month.

wanderlust508

@eskimozie - Big (((Hugs))). That sounds so hard. I'm so sorry for your loss and the pain caused by your SIL's pregnancy. I hope you will plan something really fun for you and YH in February (maybe a weekend getaway somewhere). I try to take those as often as I can. Sometimes I feel like I'm giving myself a consolation prize when I do ....but getting away and doing something fun with DH always reminds me of what I have to be grateful for.