Another Intro

dandb925 · December 2014

Hi ladies, I've been lurking for a while now (actually too damn long because I feel like I know you all in a creepy way) and wanted to introduce myself. I've read the blog and Google post and I've been sad to see what's been happening the last few weeks on the board.

Anyway, about me and this crappy journey so far. In May 2013, DH and I started TTC. I saw my gyno for a check-up and my AMH came back below 2 so she recommended me to an RE. I'm very type A, so I dragged my husband to meet him and get tested. My testing came back fine, but DH had a bad semen analysis. Count was good, but morphology was 0% and motility was 37%. The RE told me that our only chance of conceiving was through IVF with ICSI. He was a total jerk and my husband refused to go back to there. He made a whole bunch of lifestyle changes to get a better SA (crazy vitamin regimen, lost 50 lbs, we did acupuncture and we cut out alcohol).

In January 2014, we saw a new RE recommended to us by one of my girlfriends. We loved her, DH's SA came back perfect, and it turns out I was pregnant naturally. It was a shock, but we were overjoyed. I was going for weekly blood draws and sonograms. Beta was always great, but the baby was always measuring behind. During my 9th week, on March 12th, the RE didn't detect a heartbeat. We saw it three times before that awful day. It's crazy how a moment can become so defined and unforgettable. I had a D&C on March 19th, one week later. It was a boy and he had Trisomy 13. The RE tested us genetically and we did karyotyping (came back perfect for both of us).

Beta took forever to fall (or what seemed like it to me). I had my saline sonogram in May 2014 and it turned out that I had some leftover placenta that required a hysteroscopy and another D&C. Finally got the ok to try again in July 2014. In October (my ED month), we got our second BFP, but very early on we knew it wasn't going to end well. The beta never doubled and hardly got past 10,000. It turned out to be a blighted ovum and I had my third D&C for the year on November 12th. Now, we're just waiting for the beta to fall to negative (needs to be below 1 and it's been effing 4 for the last week). I scheduled my saline sonogram for January just to get it booked and I'm really hoping I don't have to cancel it. The pathology report showed it was a girl this time, but no chromosomal abnormalities were detected. My RPL testing came back fine, except for a slightly elevated Hemoglobin A1c. Gaining 10lbs in two months played a big role in that I'm sure (sad D = comfort food in the form of lots and lots of carbs) and I have to seriously get my ass in gear to get to a healthier weight.

Overall, I have my good days and bad days. DH and my family are wonderful support, but they don't get it. It's just this ache that doesn't ever go away. Sometimes it's not bad, but other times it can be overwhelming. I know I've changed. I don't always like who I've become, but it is what it is. As for TTC again, I don't know what we're doing. The RE said that IUI with Clomid is a good option for us. DH wants a break and part of me agrees with him. But that other part, is like ehhhhh, but I don't wanna stop. The RE also said that there's IVF with PGD, which DH wants (just to avoid going through this again, not like that's a guarantee) but I'm not mentally there yet. He's worried about what this is doing to me mentally, emotionally, physically, etc. and while I appreciate and love him for it, I'm stronger than he thinks I am.

NTTCALR - I'm a CPA, live in the NYC area, been married for 4+ years/together for 8 this January, have a wonderful, crazy extended family (we're all a 5-10 minute drive from one another), I'm the oldest of three girls, have no pets because we both work too much (boo!), am most likely finishing my Xmas shopping on Christmas Eve (like I do every year), and just turned 30 in September.

Thanks for reading and I'm looking forward to supporting you ladies!

Nikolie93 · December 2014

Hey there, I am so sorry for your losses and what you've been through but welcome to the site. I hope you find support here, as I have!

I just want to say how awesome it is that YH was able to change his lifestyle to change the second report of the SA. That is hard work for sure. I can understand the feeling of wanting a bit of a break. It's just so hard to stop when you've been trying for a while.

I am in your same boat with some weight gain. We have a healthy living check in that has helped me feel a bit better about things. It helps me feel more accountable. Come check it out and good luck!

NOBB14 · December 2014

So so sorry for your loss- you've had one hell of a year. Hugs.

bfonz619 · December 2014

Welcome. I am sorry for your losses.

welly01 · December 2014

Welcome. I'm so sorry for your losses. I hope you can find some comfort and support here.

P.S. I'm a CPA as well, though I'm in industry.

flyoffeve · December 2014

I am so sorry for your losses. Welcome.

nicnackmama · December 2014

Welcome, I'm sorry for your losses. ::hugs::

catvaughn5002 · December 2014

Welcome to the board! I'm sorry for your losses.

dandb925 · December 2014

Thank you all so so much!

I can't wait for this year to end and 2015 to start. We'll see what 2015 brings us all.

Nikolie - I actually lost 30lbs doing Weight Watchers, so once the new year starts, I'm going to start that up again. My RE recommended a low glycemic index diet, whatever the hell that is haha! My husband is doing Atkins starting 1/1 (he has a work bet going on) and that's how he lost the weight in the summer. I might join him, but carbs are my friend and I don't want to cut them off completely!

Petra - I've actually thought the same thing about DH. He's told me that he has to be strong for me, but I know this weighs on him too. It just really really sucks.

Welly01 - I do taxes for HNW clients, but started out in Audit. I'm much happier now, even though in March and April I want to cry everyday.

Side note - sorry for the newbie question, but how do I tag someone to show I replied to them?

catvaughn5002 · December 2014

@dandb925- You click the @ sign and then type their name and it should work. You can practice with me

BookishMomma · December 2014

I'm so sorry for your losses. I've had multiple losses in a year's time, too. Here's hoping next year is better!

meredithcarole · December 2014

I am so sorry for your losses. Welcome!

BTW, the low glycemic diet would be something akin to the South Beath diet. Basically a low carb diet. How were your fasting glucose levels? Typically that is the diet recommended to diabetics.

jordangoodnight · December 2014

Welcome. I'm so sorry for your losses.

[Deleted User] · December 2014

Welcome, I'm so sorry for your losses.

firefly143 · December 2014

Welcome to the board. So sorry for your losses! (Hugs) I hope your next beta is finally negative!

dandb925 · December 2014

@catvaughn5002 thanks for helping! Hope this works

@meredithcarole‌ my RE actually didn't test my fasting glucose levels but she didn't seem that concerned about the A1c level. It was 5.7 which is in the pre-diabetic range but not terrible apparently. Diabetes runs in my family so I know I have to be careful. When we meet with her, I'll bring it up, thanks! @medic7979‌ I'm sorry you had a Trisomy too. Unfortunately there's not much out there on it, you're right. I've had a love/hate relationship with Google this past year and trying to find out whatever I could. Thank you everyone for the welcome! It means so much