Why aren't there "Mom coaches?"

KayteeGee

Or maybe "baby coaches"?
I would gladly pay a "professional" to be my mom coach - someone who could guide me through motherhood.  Advise me how to get baby DD to sleep better and effective discipline/boundary settings for pre-schooler DS.
I'm serious.
I know there are a million books to read, but I don't have time with work and wanting to actually spend time with my kids and DH.
I actually googled trying to find someone.  Why can I find a million people who can help me train my dogs but not a soul to help me learn to be the best parent I can?
Honestly, at the end of the day, I'm not a natural at this, surely some women are and could a) make a nice living and b) help a sister out....
ugh. 

Also I have a cold, DD is going through a growth spurt (I HOPE, otherwise I'm hosed) and I am drowning in Xmas.  Good times.

KayteeGee

beaubecca said:

I have thought this so many times. Remember Super Nanny? I want there to be a company who has people like her available and on call to whomever needs her!

YES!

KayteeGee

ClaryPax said:

Yes I agree being a mom is really hard.  I think I need 1 person to be there from the beginning like really nice doula/ lactation consultant, who then morphs into a night nanny/ nurse and then a sleep consultant. 

Then they could come in a little less frequent and answer all the questions that we have like discipline and PTing and pumping at work. 

The parenting books are OK.  I have also watched Super Nanny until Hulu got rid of the episodes I hadn't seen (I'm mad at you Hulu) and Nanny 911 on Netflix.  This board and my mom/ sister have also been good resources. 

I wouldn't say I am a natural not like some people, but I have now lots of experience, so I might be helpful in certain situations.  I like my job too much to go for a new career though, and have no time for 2 jobs. 

This is exactly what I need...

KayteeGee

OK! So I also moaned about this to a friend and she sent me an online site that might actually help.

I am seriously going to talk to DH about this tonight.   It would be remote - email/phone/skype - but I think it could help...... ??

ambrno33

I met a woman who is a "sleep consultant" for infants through school age. she will come to your home and work with you, and she also offers seminar type classes. costs money obviously since it's her job, but they are out there! She did give me some advice not to transition my 2 year old out of her crib until age 3... (a little too late as I had donated it to a friend who was having a baby and needed a crib, and hence why I was having sleeping problems with my toddler who would no longer stay in her bed )

bumpuser10331514

I just want someone who can help me with consistently and appropriately disciplining my child. Everything I do fills with me guilt that I'm being too easy, but as soon as I push it up, I'm terrified I've traumatized him. Someone who can help me analyze what DS's experience of things is, what he is capable of processing, and what he's really thinking when he does something he's not supposed to. And, of course, I worry that I'm disciplining him when a little extra lovin' would be a better approach - which of course runs me head first into being too easy... 

Parenting is hard. I also have many, many times wished Supernanny would come to my house.

KayteeGee

Lilki said:

Seriously. They should have Nanny 411, for those of us wanting to avoid a Nanny 911 situation. When I was pregnant I rhetorically asked how I'd know what to do. The lamest response I got was "oh, as a mom, you'll just KNOW." Like after giving birth I would suddenly find myself with a magical third eye. But she was wrong. I don't just know. In fact, I have a sneaking suspicion that I may have been WRONG more than once. I guess my "mom" gene must be defective.

Totally. I must also have that defective mom gene!

And I feel like I could've written this ... The discipline part is so hard for me. I feel like I'm creating a monster though

SomebabiesMom said:

I just want someone who can help me with consistently and appropriately disciplining my child. Everything I do fills with me guilt that I'm being too easy, but as soon as I push it up, I'm terrified I've traumatized him. Someone who can help me analyze what DS's experience of things is, what he is capable of processing, and what he's really thinking when he does something he's not supposed to. And, of course, I worry that I'm disciplining him when a little extra lovin' would be a better approach - which of course runs me head first into being too easy... 

Parenting is hard. I also have many, many times wished Supernanny would come to my house.

itsmevkb

All I want is for someone to potty train my kids. 

I did see on some reality tv show a rich couple hiring a baby sleep consultant.  Of course, that was in LA so I'm not sure that service is widely available elsewhere.

glaw

@itsmevkb I was going to say in LA there are lots of sleep consultants/night nannies etc...they advertise in FB groups among other places. I briefly thought about hiring a night nanny but my second was a great sleeper off the bat (now we are in the middle of a sleep regression from hell so I could use some help, but I digress). My friend in the UK told me they send a nurse to check on the moms the first month? I can't remember how long. It's a service the state provides and I think I remember reading smthg similar in France. But obviously in a country with no maternity leave, the idea of sending a nurse to come check in on new moms is like pigs flying. Ain't gonna happen!!

kmh2201

I agree having a "mom coach" would be so helpful.  It seems like years ago when families lived in closer proximity, mom coaches were grandmas, aunts, etc.  Personally, my DCP has been a wonderful mom coach for me, especially because she knows my LOs as well as I do.

Beevol

I work for a non profit that had RNs who basically do this sort if thing with a medical focus for high risk families (preemies, sick babies, moms with medical complications, families with social risk factors, etc). All services completely free of charge.

We have had people who only qualify for one visit (anyone who asks qualifies for one visit) or who feel like they don't need non profit services day they'd love to pay for the service, but our agency isn't set up for it. I'd love to see someone try it as a business but having administrated the services, I can say that it would be a huge amount of work - at least 60-80hrs a week for one person to get it off the ground. But that's any new small business.

Parents as Teachers provides prenatal care and then can help with parenting stuff and they're all over the country, but I know their programs vary a lot in terms of who gets services (they have a lot of sleep info and potty training tools in addition to the read to your baby stuff they're known for).

SunAndRain

I don't think there is ONE person who can be an expert in everything having to do with child rearing but I think we can build a pool of resources that we can turn to within our community.  Mine consists of our pediatrician, the lactation consultant who lead our weekly support classes (I attended these while on maternity leave), DD's teachers who are very experienced at dealing with behavioral issues and always willing to offer advice and support, and finally my friends and family...as well as the moms on this board!

When I had questions about DD's sleep I asked our pedi for advice as well as asked my lactation consultant if she had a referral (she did!).  And I find that I learn a lot of tricks by observing DD's grandmothers as well as my mom friends.  I have asked them many times how they have handled a certain situation. 

I am not a natural when it comes to motherhood.  My instincts can only get me so far.  I, too, don't have time to read umpteen books, often that will contradict one another.  I too need infomration and to learn skills and tools that will making parenting easier.  I prefer to get multiple perspective and choose the approach that makes most sense to me than to follow one person's view of the world.

KayteeGee

@SunAndRain I think it's awesome that you have such a community...
I don't... It is what it is.
I think, though, you miss my point.... I want someone who can help guide me and add perspective to that which I get from pedi etc...
I don't plan on blindly following one person's view of the world.  I just want another perspective (like you say you want) but one that's fully informed about a lot of different strategies.
I think of it as someone who can "curate" all the parenting info that's out there and help distill it into something that is acitonable in my life. 
And I need a lot more help than a pedi visit.   And I'm totally comfortable with being the outlier in this.  I'm absolutely OK admitting I may need more help than most.

For clarity: I'm thinking like you hire a personal trainer to help build a diet and fitness plan and coach you through it. Sure, I could read a bunch of books or just ask friends and family what they do, but I don't really have that time and I like the idea of someone who's formally educated about it... If that makes sense?

CarrieB.

There are some nonprofits in our area that offer some of these services. I haven't really looked into any of them, but one is called Mothering the Mother which sounds kind of like what you are looking for. I know that the community center where I take my daughter for dance has a lot of parenting classes.

KayteeGee

Please don't get me wrong. This wasn't intended as a "Woe is me" post. I'm good. It's just that I thought it strange that I could easily find a professional in every category except parenting.
I have a great network but it's just non mom centric. Only a few of my friends have kids. Most are older. No sisters, no aunts, grandmas have passed on, mom is thousands of miles away, MIL in another country. So the "village" some have, well I don't have it.
It's all good. I know I "outsource" a lot. I like expert strangers perspectives.
Anyway - I've connected with someone at the site my friend told me about and I'm super excited to have a pro there to coach me.