Second Opinion Meltdown

Austrogermokee

So, I set up a consult with the other fertility clinic in town, because I'm getting so frustrated. I feel like our RE won't level with us about our chances, and won't give us straight answers about our diagnosis. I have a blocked tube, then I don't. I have extensive endometriosis, then it's mild. 

I asked DH to go with me, because I get overwhelmed when I need to process a lot of spoken information very quickly (mild learning disability). He started making jokes about how he was no help because he was just going to read a book while he was there anyway. That's when the bawling, mouth open, ugly crying started, I am very, very not up for jokes right now. Luckily he backpedaled and apologized right away, but I basically had to lay it on the line. I have been through an abusive upbringing, unemployment, an eating disorder, a divorce, you name it. IF is the worst thing I've ever been through, because it just goes on and on. There's no fix and no relief. 

So, here's hoping the new RE helps. At the very least, I want somebody to tell us the truth so that if parenthood isn't in our future, we can let go and move on.

hooligans4

Big hugs to you.
I hope you get some strait answers. Maybe tell the doctor right away that you want him to to be honest and upfront about everything. No sugar coating.
Let us know how it goes.

WinoGrrl

tons of hugs! hope the appointment gets you some answers!

sonpetitlapin

Hugs!!  I hope your appointment goes well. I agree with @hooligans4 Let the Dr know you would appreciate honesty.  You are a strong woman!!!  

Nikolie93

so many *hugs* to you, hon. You've been through a lot! 

I hope that you like the new RE. Make sure you let them know you don't want anything sugar coated. 

I understand your frustration. More *hugs* just because

vh2014

Another wish that the new RE gives you some answers and straight talk.

bookworm40

Hope you have a very positive visit with your new RE and you get the answers your hoping for! Sending positive vibes your way!

Austrogermokee

Thanks y'all. DH deals with things by making dumb jokes or shutting down, which leaves me feeling abandoned. We're dealing with it, and he's gotten better, but sometimes it flares up.

I'm really not looking forward to the IL's getting here for Christmas - FIL loves useless platitudes ("just adopt" - sure, let me run on down to the Baby Store!), and MIL fancies herself a medical expert and will ask if I should really be having that glass of wine. They mean well, but I feel nitpicked instead of supported. 

Davie813

I'm so sorry, and I'm sorry you have the in-law visit hanging over you, too.  I'm right there with you on that one.

I agree with PPs that letting the Dr. know exactly what you're looking for is a good idea.  I hope you're able to get some real answers!  Hugs.

Nikolie93

Austrogermokee said:

Thanks y'all. DH deals with things by making dumb jokes or shutting down, which leaves me feeling abandoned. We're dealing with it, and he's gotten better, but sometimes it flares up.

I'm really not looking forward to the IL's getting here for Christmas - FIL loves useless platitudes ("just adopt" - sure, let me run on down to the Baby Store!), and MIL fancies herself a medical expert and will ask if I should really be having that glass of wine. They mean well, but I feel nitpicked instead of supported. 

MH is a jokster by nature, it only took a few times of me punching him in the face before he stopped. (ok, I didn't really punch him in the face..maybe the arm  ) 

I am sorry about your IL's visit, that would be very tense. Can YH talk to them and ask them not to try and "help"? 

peregrinefalconx

First off, it is super common to be overwhelmed in those appts...they are very emotional, a lot of information is being thrown at you, you never know if you can trust what they are saying (let's face it, it is difficult to get two doctors to agree on anything complicated). So I wouldn't blame it on a learning disability (if so, I've got it too!) Do you have a recorder on your phone?

These holidays really tend to amplify difficult IF feelings. Anybody have a quaalude? Do they still make quaaludes?? GL.

Austrogermokee

That might not be a bad idea. MIL is sensitive about alcohol as it is (issues run in her family), so I think that's a factor in the hovering. Maybe I can ask DH to fetch them at the airport alone, and say something to them about not judging or making comments.

kelley72

Hope the appointment goes smoothly and a straight forward  plan evolves, best wishes with the IL's..

dream2be3

Good luck at your RE appointment and I hope the visit with the IL's goes well!  ((hugs))

emsmama15

I hope you get answers from the new RE.  When were you able to get an appointment?  Soon, I hope.  My husband is also one to make jokes at not quite appropriate times.  Most of the time, I just give him "a look" but during our infertility struggles, there has been more than once when I've lost it.  Luckily, my husband, like yours, is smart enough to know when to backpedal and apologize.  It's just the way they deal with things, I guess.  My heart goes out to you though, because I totally understand how you probably felt.  

GOOD LUCK with your in laws. I had my family Christmas on Saturday and not a single person asked me about TTC!  I couldn't believe it.  I had prepped myself to deal with it the day after my negative beta, but I didn't even have to!  Maybe they're learning.  I think it's a GREAT idea to have your DH pick them up and say something to them about not judging.  

flyliceandcoffee

I'm sorry you're having to go through this and feel like your doctor isn't giving you straight answers. I hope this new doc is a better fit for you and you find out all you need.

sonpetitlapin

I am sorry about the IL. I hope it goes smooth.  I told my SO when we first meet that if he never meet my mother, it meant I really really liked him.  He now understands what I meant.

kindershlitz

I hope the next RE shoots it straight and you like them. Every appointment is overwhelming for me too and the holidays seemed to have amped up the TTC failure crazies for me as well. Totally understand!
Good luck with the in-law visit. It sounds like a good idea for your DH to get some alone time with them to maybe squelch the topic.

Teenie16

Big hugs for you! I hope the new RE gives you straight answers. I agree with all the other ladies in letting hime know that you're looking for honest answers. When is your appointment? Hope you don't have to wait too long.

peregrinefalconx I must have it too. Whenever I have a Dr appointment I somehow forget most of the questions I had before I walked in and forget half the info I was given as soon as I walk out the door. 

I hope your husband can buffer you IL over the holidays. 

wvarn

Hope your new RE helps you get some answers. Sorry to hear about upcoming IL visit I hope it goes well for u.

meredithcarole

Thinking of you. I am so sorry you are facing this. It is not fun and it definitely feels endless. I hope you get the answers you need. I am glad YH saw his error quickly. Not that it makes it right, but he truly might have been trying to break the tension and perhaps he is nervous himself.

Austrogermokee

I'm feeling a lot better today. Overall, I'm looking forward to seeing the IL's, I really do like spending time with them. And I can see things from their side - they want a grandbaby, and they don't want to see us suffer any more. So the suggestions come from a place of helplessness, not judgment or malice. Unfortunately, unsolicited advice just amps up the misery. Our appointment is Jan 16.

Nikolie93

I am glad you're feeling better today! 

gfgrump

I can see that. We're trying not to talk to our family about the TTC process for that reason. But it's weird to keep something this big a secret.

wannabmama23

Just lending support. It's great that you can see that the ILs come from a good place.

It's hard to be on the outside when you just wish someone you love could be happy and there's nothing you can do really to help make it happen.

I hope your next appt is helpful and productive!

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C_Girlie

Good luck at ur apt, hope you get the info 100%. Keep us posted