Deleted — The Bump
Babies on the Brain

Deleted

edited December 2014 in Babies on the Brain
Deleted.  Apparently not liking Disney and chicken fingers makes you "entitled" and "judgemental".

Re: Deleted

  • I don't think there is an easy way to answer your question. I'm sure a lot goes into making those families the way they are. Some of it will be parenting and other parts of it will be the kid's personality.

    For example, my oldest daughter has been high needs child since birth. She used to cry literally for about 5 hours per night. We would drive for hours on end just to get her to quiet down. Taking care of her as a baby was absolutely miserable. Nothing ever satisfied her. She was constantly screaming and needy. We avoided going out in public as much as possible because it was just impossible to enjoy ourselves. (Now that she is older she is still hyper and talkative, but a lot more fun. She makes us laugh until our sides burst. It is still very challenging to do things with her in public though. She is VERY strong willed.)

    My youngest daughter is super laid back. When we are alone with her, we can go on road trips, go to movies, and out to eat with no problem. She is quiet and sweet. That is just her personality. With her it is almost like we don't even have a kid! When she was first home from the hospital my husband and I would just take turns holding her while she slept and the other person would play Xbox. lol

    We have parented both of our girls exactly the same, but their personalities are completely opposite. When you have kids you never really know what kind of personality they will have. It is part of the surprise of parenting. It is possible to mold and direct their personalities into positive outlets though. That will have a major effect on the family culture as well. 

    My advice is to just take things as they come. You never know what hand you will be dealt when it comes to parenthood. It's quite the adventure. 
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    [Deleted User]
  • I (try) not to hold myself to the expectations that we will be like other families.  I absolutely had my list of "Oh, I'll never do that with my kids!" and for the most part, I stuck to it with my oldest.  Then my second came along, and well, like the previous poster said, he's just a different personality and there are a lot of things that I have done that I said I would "never" do.   Do I regret it?  Not for a moment.  Sometimes you do what you have to do.  Would I trade him for a more different kid?  I joke about it, but in reality, no never.  Am I the parent that i want to be all the time?  Not even close.  But I'm happy, my kids are happy and that is what matters at the end of the day.
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  • I don't let other people's children and lives affect my life choices.

    WTF is wrong with Disney?
    DH really didn't get the whole "Disney" thing.  I LOVE Disney.  DS one day saw something with Mickey Mouse on it and exclaimed "Mickey Mouse!" prior to us ever giving/showing him anything with Mickey on it (I think one of the kids in DC brought Mickey in for show & share).  Needless to say, he now requests to watch Mickey Mouse at least once a day and DH actually bought him a bunch of Mickey books for Christmas.  DH's finally getting it!  Now to figure out when we can get down to Disney World.

    To the OP, no one else's family decisions impact how I feel about having kids or not.  It may put into perspective some parenting choices I may or may not want to make, but it would never keep me from wanting a family.
    ashiscute
  • Maybe it's just me but your whole post comes off as really judgey. Being around a family who eats chicken nuggets and watches Disney makes you not want to have kids? You really don't know what goes on behind closed doors, or why people make the choices they do. For all you know, "family number 1" could be completely miserable and "family number 2" might love sitting down together and singing along to all those Disney movies.
    Amen! 

    To the OP, how often do you see these families?  My kids survive on chicken nuggets, mac & cheese and Disney movies when we are on vacation because its easier to give them comfort stuff when they are in a new environment and off their schedule.  That's not at all how our life is when we are at home.
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    [Deleted User]troynababymakes6
  • I didn't mean to be judgmental... I specifically said that I still think that parents from family number 2 are still great parents and the kids are great kids. I was just saying that family number 1 does stuff we personally love, while family number 2 does stuff that we would just be tolerating for the sake of the kids.

    There is nothing wrong with chicken nuggets and Disney.... H and I just have different preferences.  We are just more so pad thai and NatGeo people, and sometimes I worry that picky little eaters and busy schedules will take all that away.

    I guess the name of this post should  have been "Sometimes I worry that we will have to throw away all our interests and hobbies when we have children.  Other times I get excited about sharing those interests with our future children."

    For clarity, I'll say it one more time: there is NOTHING wrong with chicken nuggets and Disney.
  • I didn't mean to be judgmental... I specifically said that I still think that parents from family number 2 are still great parents and the kids are great kids. I was just saying that family number 1 does stuff we personally love, while family number 2 does stuff that we would just be tolerating for the sake of the kids.

    There is nothing wrong with chicken nuggets and Disney.... H and I just have different preferences.  We are just more so pad thai and NatGeo people, and sometimes I worry that picky little eaters and busy schedules will take all that away.

    I guess the name of this post should  have been "Sometimes I worry that we will have to throw away all our interests and hobbies when we have children.  Other times I get excited about sharing those interests with our future children."

    For clarity, I'll say it one more time: there is NOTHING wrong with chicken nuggets and Disney.
    But here's the thing:  people change.  Interests change.  Who is to say that you are going to be interested in pad thai and yoga in 5 years, regardless of whether you have children or not?  You get interested in the things your kids do, because you love them and it is fun to watch them learn about the world.  I know way more about Ninjago then I ever thought was possible, because my kids dig it.

    It's important to make sure you don't lose yourself in your kids.  But at the same time you can't expect to maintain the exact same lifestyle you had before kids either.  You find a balance you are happy with and that balance will be different for each family.
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    strickland8052[Deleted User][Deleted User][Deleted User]
  • Um... since when has NatGeo and astronomy been considered to be cool?  I'm just talking about stuff we enjoy doing versus stuff we do not enjoy doing. 

    For the third time: I do not look down on Disney or chicken nuggets... I just do not, personally, enjoy those things.

    Are we really so sensitive that we can't handle someone saying they don't enjoy certain foods and activities?
    Mysh said:
    I didn't mean to be judgmental... I specifically said that I still think that parents from family number 2 are still great parents and the kids are great kids. I was just saying that family number 1 does stuff we personally love, while family number 2 does stuff that we would just be tolerating for the sake of the kids.

    There is nothing wrong with chicken nuggets and Disney.... H and I just have different preferences.  We are just more so pad thai and NatGeo people, and sometimes I worry that picky little eaters and busy schedules will take all that away.

    I guess the name of this post should  have been "Sometimes I worry that we will have to throw away all our interests and hobbies when we have children.  Other times I get excited about sharing those interests with our future children."

    For clarity, I'll say it one more time: there is NOTHING wrong with chicken nuggets and Disney.
    Still...as in they are fine despite the fact that they don't act the way I think is cool. If your biggest concern is that you won't be able to do what you think is cool now anymore if you have kids then my suggestion is to wait. 

  • I'm deleting this, since it offends some people, and I guess the title was a little off.  Thanks to the majority who actually had positive comments to contribute.  You are right; it is about finding compromise between what the entire family enjoys. I need to remember that! I just was wondering if anyone else, who doesn't have children, has the same worries.

  • There is nothing wrong with chicken nuggets and Disney.... H and I just have different preferences.  We are just more so pad thai and NatGeo people, and sometimes I worry that picky little eaters and busy schedules will take all that away.

    I can smell your entitlement from the other side of the planet.
    Yeah, this is what got me.  Such a turnoff.

     

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    ashiscute[Deleted User][Deleted User]
  • I'll admit that the title was "judgy", but the post was not intended to be judgy at all.  Maybe I didn't explain it correctly, let me try again....

    My husband and I like things that most kids don't like.  I worry that we will have to give that all up for a ton of kid only things. Whether your pre-baby interest include motorcycles or rock climbing or professional dog shows or underwater basket weaving (all of which I fully support).. I thought most BOTB childless couples could in some way relate to this.

    My point in naming what we like to do was NOT to say "I'm superior because I like X", my point was that most kids don't like these kinds of things. I really hope my kids will be like my little cousins and enjoy the same stuff we enjoy, but I doubt that will be the case. More than likely they will hate spicy food and find documentaries to be boring.  More than likely, our house will be covered in legos and Sponge Bob memorabilia... and that is what I'm trying to prepare myself for.

    For further clarification - If you are a parent whose life is absorbed by Dora and Elmo and happy meals and minivans, I do not judge you.  Quite the opposite!  I actually think you are are pretty awesome, because I know you have given up whatever interests you had pre-baby, and replaced those interests with things that make your kids happy.  I look at your life, and I wonder if I have what it takes to make those sacrifices when the time comes.

    Also, if your pre-baby interests ARE chicken nuggets and Disney, then you are pretty awesome too.  I'm a little jealous of you, because you aren't just tolerating these things for your kids... you really like these things yourself!  But regardless, your interests are in no way "less cool" than my interests.


  • Bubbles - Glad to hear your kids are an exception. I was just under the impression that most kids don't like spicy foods.  I'm not as well traveled as you, nor have I been around too many kids, so I am probably misinformed.

    Disclaimer: I do not think that our interests are any better than other people's interests.  I just think our interests consist of things that most kids do not enjoy. If I somehow insinuated that I think we are better because of our food and television preferences, then I sincerely apologize.  Merry Christmas Eve!
  • Um.... when did I say that pad thai is fancy?  When did I say that  people who watch this channel are better than people who watch that channel? 

    Some of you are putting words in my mouth.  You are the ones labeling me and making fun of my interests...






  • I get it.  You're worried that a baby will change things.  And it will.  But if you have things you like to do, you can still do them.  Maybe not as often as you'd like, but you will still do them.  You can choose to introduce your kids to the things they like. 

    FWIW, my picky eater (the one who survives on mac & cheese and chicken nuggets when we are on vacation or visiting family?) ate 3 servings of indian food at an indian restaurant this past weekend.  Like the previous posters said, it's about compromise.  Sometimes we eat chicken nuggets and sometimes we go to a place Mommy & Daddy like.
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    ashiscute
  • This all sounds very self centered. If you don't want to compromise on some of your interests and uses of your time, maybe you should reevaluate whether it's the right time to have children.

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  • Well I suppose you find a way to make it work.  Lately, my kids only want to eat waffles and PB&J sandwiches, so I make it for them but my husband and I eat regular stuff like pot roast. DH and I also love going to food truck events so we end up getting interesting food for ourselves and the kids get a snack like chips or fries.  When we do go to a more exotic place to eat, we give them a meal before we go or they snack on something simple like bread and butter and eat when we get home.  We don't expect them to eat foods we like and we also don't eat the foods they like.   

    As far as TV is concerned, they watch their kids shows during the day and we watch our shows at night and yes that sometimes involves the History Channel or the Discovery Channel.

    When it comes to vacations, we have been to Disney World and loved it.  Can't wait to go back.  However, we also go to museums, zoos, aquariums and national and state parks.  

    Also, sometimes parenthood surprises you.  You might be one of those parents that wakes up at midnight so you can get your kids tickets on the Polar Express or wait two hours in line so your child can meet Anna and Elsa or spend a lot of money so that Spiderman can make an appearance at their birthday party.  Activities that you imagined you would laugh or roll your eyes at actually bring you lots of joy when you experience them through the eyes of your child.  To this day I will never forget DD's reactions when she met Cinderella at WDW.  My husband and I also were strangely excited to see Jake from Jake the Neverland Pirates.  Did we care about Cinderella or Pirates before we had kids? Of course not.  But again, when you have kids you see these things in a different light.  
  • Random AW: My husband was filmed in his lab for National Geographic several months ago. 30 seconds of fame baby!
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  • Deleted.  Apparently not liking Disney and chicken fingers makes you "entitled" and "judgemental".

    You were quoted. Why bother "deleting"?

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    [Deleted User]AMcLawsizza2
  • I don't get people who think their lives end at parenting. I've done so much with my kid. She has been to more places at 7 than I had by 18. She still gets her dose of Disney along with everything else. Her favorite topic ATM is space. She is obsessed with any and all things dealing with how the universe works. If you think your life is over, maybe it's time to reevaluate having a child.
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    DebateThisthelittlestbee
  • OP, this whole post made me kind of sad. In his younger days, DH used to be of the same mentality that your life is basically over when you have kids. I can understand why people would feel this way, because having children does change your life, but in a GOOD way. 

    Having children does not mean giving up who you are and everything you are interested in. Do you think just because you have a baby you will never eat Pad Thai or get to watch NatGeo again? I mean, that's just silly... 

    Our baby hasn't been born yet, but not once has the thought ever crossed my mind that I  will have to give up traveling/music/food/wine because kids just aren't into that. One of the things I am most excited for is to be able to travel with my child and show her the world as my DH and I see it. That is the blessing of being a parent, you get to create a new life and shape the person that they become. And on the flip side, they teach YOU about life and shape the person you are as well. 

    I agree with PPs that have suggested to wait to have kids... Seriously, be selfish for a few years and do all the things that you think you can't do with kids - get it out of your system. One day all of it will get old and you are going to want for something more than Pad Thai and NatGeo (which isn't even that exciting anyways)...

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  •  

    I agree with PPs that have suggested to wait to have kids... Seriously, be selfish for a few years and do all the things that you think you can't do with kids - get it out of your system. One day all of it will get old and you are going to want for something more than Pad Thai and NatGeo (which isn't even that exciting anyways)...

    I agreed with you until you said this. Delaying to have children (or not having them at all) is not selfish.
    I think she meant take that time to be selfish instead of having kids now, not that it's selfish to wait a few years.
    I still find it odd that's it's viewed as "selfish".

    @14whitney I think you misunderstood me. I didn't mean that it was "selfish" to wait to have kids. I mean that one should "be selfish" and do things that are going to be hard to justify once you have kids. As in things that you can do when you only have your SELF to worry about, and not another human being to take care of. I really didn't mean it in a bad way at all... DH and I were "selfish" for 10 years before I got pregnant. I am forever grateful for all the wonderful experiences we had that will make great stories for us to tell our kid some day. 
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  • I'm judging use of the term NatGeo.  Even though the channel refers to itself that way.
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