We're going crazy! Please help!!!

Snugly AelSnugly Ael member
edited December 2014 in Multiples
My b/g twins are 16 months old and are completely on cow milk. They still wake up at nights for feedings, which means they don't STTN yet. It's driving us crazy. These days their entire schedule seems to be messed up. They sleep when they want to and nap when they want to. Nothing seems to go the way it did before. Until two months ago, they used to sleep at 8pm and wake up at around 7-8am, and they used to nap 3 times a day. Now, they take 1-2 naps. Their first nap is anywhere between 11:30am-12:30pm. If they sleep for 3 hours straight they wouldn't take a second nap. And if they end up sleeping for an hour or two, they'll take a second nap at around 4:30-5:30.

They aren't going to bed until 11pm and sometimes they hit the sack at 1am!!!! If they end up taking one nap, they'll sleep at 8pm and then wake up after two hours and wouldn't go back to sleep.

The twins sleep in separate rooms. We co-sleep. My husband and son sleep together, and my daughter and I sleep together. They wake up around 9am-10am now, as they sleep late.

Both of them are teething and the worse part is my son is getting all his teeth together. He already has 14 teeth, while my daughter has 9. They aren't eating well and my daughter is a very picky eater. I do not force feed them either, as I don't like to. As they wake up at nights and demand for milk, I've stopped giving them milk during day time. They only have milk before bedtime and whenever they wake up at night. I want to restrict their milk intak as my pediatrician said they shouldn't drink more than 16-20oz milk in 24 hours.

I had even tried offering my son water in the middle of the night when he woke up for milk, but it went downhill from there as he started crying continuously and didn't stop for 45 minutes. I had sleep trained my son using the Ferber CIO method when he was 5 months old, but in August we travelled out of country and since we returned his habits have changed and have worsened.

I am going crazy with all this. My husband has stopped traveling too. He works from home now, so that means I have to do all the household chores. I have to cook, clean, feed the twins, and do all the work while my husband works from home. My husband is very supportive and helps me whenever I ask him to. I don't know what to do now. My pediatrician says they are too old for night feedings and I should stop it, but it isn't going well with offering water in the middle of the night. I don't want to be that mother who has to wake up for their night feedings even when they are 4 years old. I want them to establish healthy sleep habits from now on. I feel it's high time, as it's taking out sanity from us and they aren't getting the peaceful sleep either.

Should I sleep train them first? Or should I wean them off their night feedings first? Would CIO method work for them, as now they are older? What should I do? What am I doing wrong? I'm so confused and stressed. I just want to relax for sometime before I go to bed, but this doesn't seem to happen as they are awake with us. My husband and I hardly get to spend sometime together. It's getting very stressful. Will they ever STTN? Seriously!?! Please help!

Re: We're going crazy! Please help!!!

  • My twins are still young but I know my ds went to one nap around a year. That might help you set them up on a better schedule. He still takes a 2-3 hr nap in the afternoon.

    I was strict about not giving too much milk. I have DS 8oz in the morning and 8oz at night. Could u maybe make the portions smaller at night? And just keep making them smaller gradually.

    I also bed share with ds who is 3, because of this we really don't get alone time because we all go to bed at the same time. It's something we all enjoy so I don't mind giving up the alone time. Could you spend alone time with dh during nap time since he works at home?

    I hope you figure out what works for you and your LOs.
    Diagnosed MFI- low sperm count  
    DS-Born 7/27/11 After 2 years of IF we have our little man
    TTC#2 January 2013
    11 Medicated cycles gave us
    B/G Twins born 10/8/14 @ 32 weeks
  • Mine are 16 months now and we are having nap issues as well. I've been trying to push their nap to noon so they will take just one.

    Mornings we are up at 7 every day, I don't let them sleep late or it messes up their schedule. When I put them down for naps I let them talk and play and fuss, then they are out within 20 minutes. I think adhering to a strict schedule will help with getting them to sleep at decent hours instead of 1 am. I won't let mine go to sleep if it is after 3. If they do, there is no chance they'll go to bed at a decent hour.

    DS still wakes sometimes for milk in the night. If he didn't eat much solid food that day, he's more likely to wake. I give 4oz to him and he's back to sleep. DS is a picky eater but will always eat applesauce and yogurt. If he doesn't eat lunch or dinner, he will get that.

    We went out of town in October and DD refused to sleep in her crib. After a week, we tried CIO and it worked. It's harder now since they are older, but it still works.

    I stay home and do all childcare, cooking, and cleaning, so I know how stressful it is. Try sticking to a schedule so they go down at a decent time, that way you get a bit of a break. Good luck!
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  • Could u maybe make the portions smaller at night? And just keep making them smaller gradually.

    This is what I was going to suggest. When we weaned off of night feedings around 5-6 months, we gradually decreased the nursing time or the size of the bottle. Keep decreasing by about 2 ounces, until you are down to an ounce or two. Then get rid of the feeding altogether. If baby isn't satisfied afterward, try comforting and soothing in other ways, like rocking, singing quietly, pacifier if you use them, etc.. If at first it takes a long time to get them back to sleep without the feeding, that's okay, it will improve pretty quickly if you stick with it.

    In terms of a sleep schedule, if you want them on a certain schedule, you have to take charge of it rather than leaving it up to them. It sounds like they are ready to drop down to 1 long nap during the day. If the timing of that nap is around noon, you might want to try to soothe them back to sleep if they wake up after only an hour. With a decent mid-day nap, they should be ready for bed at a reasonable time.

    If you're finding that they're sleepy in the late afternoon as you're making this transition, I would do whatever you can to keep them up, even if they're crabby for a couple days. I also would wake them up in the morning when you would like them to wake, even if they're not ready yet. I think if you start actively taking charge of their sleep schedule, they'll get on board within a few days.

    I'm sorry you're struggling like this. There seem to be new challenges at each new stage. Just like the crazy newborn stage though, you'll figure it out and this will become a distant memory. One step at a time!

    TTC since June 2009
    BFP #1 2/22/10 M/C 6w2d
    BFP #2 October 2010 CP
    BFP #3 1/11/11 M/C 8w5d
    IUI #1 Aug 2011= BFN
    IUI #2= BFP #4 9/18/11 missed M/C, D&C 10/18/11
    IUIs #3&4 = BFN
    IVF #1 May 2012 = BFP! Twins!!

    Fraternal twins born Feb. 2013

     Lilypie - (X78c)


    Snugly Ael
  • No advice, just sorry to hear your little ones are not sleeping well. Getting all their teeth in all at once is never fun! 

    ((Hugs and Love))
    Snugly Ael
  • Keep listening to your Doctor. Do you have other family and support, so you can get some alone time with your dh? This season will pass, and it will get easier. I am sorry it's so difficult right now.



  • My twins are a couple months older, but I also have a 4.5yo.

    I would start by establishing a consistent schedule w one nap. Also a bedtime and nap time routine. Put a plan in place to deal w night wakings and stick to it. The older they are, the longer it will take.

    Let's say bedtime is 8pm. Start at 715/730 and do bath, books, snuggles, keep the light low. I'm not against rocking or soothing to sleep at all. Did it w my oldest for a long time. We don't do any milk at bedtime.

    When they wake up, go in and soothe and don't give milk. Decide on a limit of time for your sanity. When we were going through sleep issues w my oldest, 2 hours was my limit. After 2 hours, I'd give up and live to fight another day.

    Also decide on how many consecutive nights you are willing to try your method before switching it up. For us, it was 2-3 weeks before we'd try something else.

    Maybe you try to eliminate one night feeding at a time, maybe you go cold turkey. Night wakings were the main problem w my oldest - we stopped MOTN feedings as a baby.

    My oldest is still a shit sleeper but it's gotten a lot better - sometime after 3yo he started to STTN. But the duration of wake-ups got considerably shorter and at some point it didn't take any longer than getting up to pee.

    This age is all about consistency, though. You've gotta keep at it long enough to establish a pattern. If that still doesn't work, then switch it up but you've gotta give it a chance to work.

  • Snugly AelSnugly Ael member
    edited December 2014
    Thank you all for your reply and advice. I plan on eliminating their feedings first and then would sleep train them. I hope all goes in place and they give up on their night feedings without any chaos. So far I've succeeded in putting them to bed by 10pm since the past two days. The problem lies in their feedings and naps. Sometimes they eat well and sometimes not. Their naps aren't consistent either. Sometimes they naps for just an hour and sometimes 3 hours. That's what ends messing their entire schedule for the day.

    @BabyKsMommy, Thanks for your advice. I'll work on making their night portions smaller and then eliminate it completely. About spending time with DH while the kids nap, it's not possible. The reason being I prepare lunch while they nap and my husband works PT zone, and we reside in Chicago, IL (CT zone).

    @Millimeter, Looks like your son and my daughter have similar eating habits. She too is a picky eater and when nothing works with her, she'll have yogurt and applesauce. And when she wakes up for feedings at night, she wouldn't have 4oz. She'll just take half an ounce or one and then go back to bed. She'll wake up again after an hour or two and would cry for milk. I hardly get 5 hours sleep when I sleep with her. Thanks for your reply and advice.

    @Ducktapetherapy, that's the problem. We don't have any family or friends to rely on. My husband used to travel for work and now he's working from home. His office is based in a different state. I am a SAHM. It's just my hubby and I raising the twins. Yup! We're nuclear family, hence all the hardship and sleepless nights. :( I hope it all gets better with time and age.

    @carrotcake06, I like the idea of not giving them milk immediately when cry, and deciding on a time limit. But then that would leave me with a cranky toddler. I tried that with my son and he cried for 45 minutes at a stretch and didn't calm down even when I offered him his paci. I shall give it a try again.
  • I wonder if you give them some milk during the day again if that would help, too? They may be waking up partly because their bodies do need milk and that's their only chance to get it. Try limiting it more at night and offerring more in the daytime? Good luck! It is not fun when babies don't sleep well.
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