Hurtful comments about my parenting — The Bump
Parenting

Hurtful comments about my parenting

bri123abcbri123abc member
10 Comments Photogenic
edited December 2014 in Parenting
Hi everyone

I am looking for some advice please. I am a very career driven person and so is my husband. Our child is in school full time, has a full time live in nanny and spends many of his weekends with my parents, either at our house or theirs. He is well taken care of and I feel that we do spend quality time together when possible..for example if I have time off work we go on a family trip and do things together.

I have been called a bad mother several times, asked why I even had children etc. and that I shouldn't have any more.

Can I please have some insight as to why some people would say this, and how to respond? What do you all think?

I appreciate all the honest responses thank you so much 
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Re: Hurtful comments about my parenting

  • bri123abcbri123abc member
    10 Comments Photogenic
    edited December 2014
    Yes I try my best and think I do spend quality time as much as possible when I can
  • bri123abcbri123abc member
    10 Comments Photogenic
    edited December 2014
    well I see my child when I come home from work of course and we try to get together with family often when my child isn't with his grandparents. I feel the time we do spend together is quality 
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  • people have also told me I shouldn't have any more! 
  • I can't give you a mathematical answer to the amount of time I spend with my child. 
  • Pearl was here.
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    [Deleted User][Deleted User]
  • I just can't understand being so career driven you have no time to raise your child. A family member of mine just had a baby this year and it has since its birth spent 90% of her time being raised by her grandparents because its own parents are too busy working to spend time with their infant. The parents pick it up on Saturday and she goes back to grandmoms on Monday morning again. I feel so bad for the baby because she is never with her mother whos always working.
  • edited December 2014
    I just can't understand being so career driven you have no time to raise your child. A family member of mine just had a baby this year and it has since its birth spent 90% of her time being raised by her grandparents because its own parents are too busy working to spend time with their infant. The parents pick it up on Saturday and she goes back to grandmoms on Monday morning again. I feel so bad for the baby because she is never with her mother whos always working.
    The baby is not an it. I lived with my grandparents while my mom finished college and began a career. It sucks but it works.
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    [Deleted User]LightBright515[Deleted User]
  • I'm confused as to why you need a full-time nanny if your kid is in school full-time.

    For when school closes. Here even daycare closes at 6.


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  • I agree this is mud.

    So, OP, people are insulting your parenting because you're not parenting. You had a child and it seems like your role ended there. That's all fine and dandy. Your kid is taken care of. People will question your choices. I know plenty of kids raised this way (from my nanny days). The kids manage, but don't expect some deep loving relationship with your child as they grow up. It will pretty much remain as detached as it is now. They'll find other people to form bonds with. No worries.
    [Deleted User][Deleted User][Deleted User]
  • Do you personally feel you spend enough time with your kid?
    Is your kid happy ? Is he well adjusted?
    Are you happy?

    If the answers to these are all yes then you say "this is what works for our family "


    But still think this is MUD because I doubt many would say this to your face.

    I would. If I personally knew someone in this exact situation, like a friend or relative, I'd definitely say something. I wouldn't give a shit if it offended them.
  • Do you personally feel you spend enough time with your kid? Is your kid happy ? Is he well adjusted? Are you happy? If the answers to these are all yes then you say "this is what works for our family " But still think this is MUD because I doubt many would say this to your face.
    I would. If I personally knew someone in this exact situation, like a friend or relative, I'd definitely say something. I wouldn't give a shit if it offended them.
    I don't think I would. As Kermit says while sipping tea, "That's none of my business."
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    [Deleted User][Deleted User]
  • People have definitely said it to my face and behind my back too
  • Everything points to MUD - First post, generic ABC 123 in screen name, and basically stating that she spends no time at all with her child and not seeming to understand the problem with that.

    If this is real by any chance, you aren't a bad parent because you aren't actually parenting your child. You are more like an egg donor leaving others to parent your genetic offspring.
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  • CFox815 said:

    Do you personally feel you spend enough time with your kid?
    Is your kid happy ? Is he well adjusted?
    Are you happy?

    If the answers to these are all yes then you say "this is what works for our family "


    But still think this is MUD because I doubt many would say this to your face.

    I would. If I personally knew someone in this exact situation, like a friend or relative, I'd definitely say something. I wouldn't give a shit if it offended them.




    Wow.
    I wouldn't be mean about it, but I would voice my concerns.
  • CFox815 said:

    FWIW, I had nannies as a kid, they were with us after school. My parents worked long hours. I spent summers at my grandparents. My mom was a single mom putting herself through law school and she had internships in the summer.

    I totally think this is MUD but I had a similar situation and it didn't make my mom a bad mom, she was busting her ass making sure we were provided for. We took vacations and I feel the time we spent together was quality time. But, BytheBeach, if you want to call my mom and tell her she's a bad mom, I'm happy to give you her phone number.

    The difference here is that OP is not saying it's a matter if necessity and providing, as a single mother. She's saying it's a planned, conscious and desired choice to not spend time with her child. Big different, but go ahead and feel offended even though apples and oranges. It's ok.
  • You missed the point.
  • CFox815 said:

    CFox815 said:

    FWIW, I had nannies as a kid, they were with us after school. My parents worked long hours. I spent summers at my grandparents. My mom was a single mom putting herself through law school and she had internships in the summer.

    I totally think this is MUD but I had a similar situation and it didn't make my mom a bad mom, she was busting her ass making sure we were provided for. We took vacations and I feel the time we spent together was quality time. But, BytheBeach, if you want to call my mom and tell her she's a bad mom, I'm happy to give you her phone number.

    The difference here is that OP is not saying it's a matter if necessity and providing, as a single mother. She's saying it's a planned, conscious and desired choice to not spend time with her child. Big different, but go ahead and feel offended even though apples and oranges. It's ok.

    Oh ok. So it's not a problem if a woman has to work because there's no man to provide for her, only if she wants to work? Got it.
    What in all hell are you talking about?

  • I'm gonna leave it alone @CFox815‌ because you obviously have a lot of emotions toward this. I'm sorry.
  • pobrecita said:

    CFox815 said:

    Just a question, @Bythebeach09‌ , if a man worked all the time and didn't get to see his kids a lot, would you "voice your concerns" then?

    Just FYI...this will probably go nowhere.
    You know how much I hate when you do this shit pobre?

    Let. It. Go. Already.
  • Mags748 said:

    Everything points to MUD - First post, generic ABC 123 in screen name, and basically stating that she spends no time at all with her child and not seeming to understand the problem with that.

    If this is real by any chance, you aren't a bad parent because you aren't actually parenting your child. You are more like an egg donor leaving others to parent your genetic offspring.

    Woah.

    Well I'm convinced it's MUD. There are no details or back story. If this is real and OP can offer more insight I will apologize and take it back.
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  • Mags748 said:
    Everything points to MUD - First post, generic ABC 123 in screen name, and basically stating that she spends no time at all with her child and not seeming to understand the problem with that. If this is real by any chance, you aren't a bad parent because you aren't actually parenting your child. You are more like an egg donor leaving others to parent your genetic offspring.
    Woah.
    Well I'm convinced it's MUD. There are no details or back story. If this is real and OP can offer more insight I will apologize and take it back.
    This is real and there is no more back story. I enjoy my career intensely. I do not work out of necessity but because I love it. And therefore have lots of help with my child and that includes school, a live in nanny and my parents 
  • Mags748 said:

    Mags748 said:

    Everything points to MUD - First post, generic ABC 123 in screen name, and basically stating that she spends no time at all with her child and not seeming to understand the problem with that.

    If this is real by any chance, you aren't a bad parent because you aren't actually parenting your child. You are more like an egg donor leaving others to parent your genetic offspring.

    Woah.

    Well I'm convinced it's MUD. There are no details or back story. If this is real and OP can offer more insight I will apologize and take it back.
    I'm not WKing OP, since I'm sure it's MUD, too, and as previously stated, it's too Saturday for this. I just think that statement (if you meant it in earnest, which apparently you did) crosses a line in any context.
    I didn't mean it in earnest because it was a response to the OP who I think is likely not being earnest herself. However since I have been offesive, I am sorry.

    And dont get me wrong, i am not one of those "I stay at home and actually raise mmy children" moms. I am a full time working mom and I like my career but my kids/family are my priority. Yes I do things for myself on occasion or go out with my husband or friends but the majority of nights and weekends are spent as a family. I am away from them enough that I don't want to send them away a lot on the weekends and just fit them in when it's convenient for me.
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    ready-or-notmyfriendscallmemeg
  • This was my cousin and his wife before they had their little boy. They were looking for a nanny because they didn't want their lifestyle to change or to sacrifice their careers. Then they had their little one, now there is no more talk of nannies and they have happily changed their lifestyle.

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  • While I think this is MUD, what I don't understand, OP, is why you give a shit what other people think/say.

    People say asinine things all the time - sometimes it's to fill the space or maybe they're just an asshole, but what does it matter?

    If it bothers you, then perhaps you aren't as okay w the situation as you think you are.
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    ready-or-not[Deleted User]
  • I am working mom and my kid goes to daycare full time. I feel no guilt from this thread. The situation the OP laid out is an extreme one and not the same as even the one @CFox815 laid out.

    I agree. I get what others are saying, but as a working mom who has her dd at daycare all day all week I do make a priority to spend time with her on the weekends because of not seeing her much. Yes sometimes I wish she could go overnight somewhere because I would love a date night etc. I couldn't imagine doing it every single weekend. Also a single mom working hard and needing to do that is different.

    That all being said I'm not going to judge op because it seems to work for their family.


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  • CFox815 said:

    I am working mom and my kid goes to daycare full time. I feel no guilt from this thread. The situation the OP laid out is an extreme one and not the same as even the one @CFox815 laid out.

    I can understand that. I'm more bothered that @Bythebeach09‌ would have no problem telling someone they were a bad mother because they don't agree with how they allocate their time. It's just completely insensitive and sanctimonious.
    Whoa. Did I say that I would ever tell anyone they are a bad parent???? No!

    Don't make up shit that didn't happen.

    I said I would voice my concern if it was a friend or family member. Not some random stranger or acquaintance or something. I said I wouldn't be mean about it. People CAN have heart-to-heart conversations about parenting concerns without being insulting and being mean. Most normal people wouldn't be offended if a concern is coming from a good place. And if they were offended by a concern of mine that I presented in a respectful way, then that's their issue.
  • Bythebeach09Bythebeach09 member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Photogenic Name Dropper
    edited December 2014
    Right. And if you read what I wrote you would have seen that I added that I wouldn't be mean. But, rather, voice my concerns. I said I would say SOMETHING. Did that get lost in your over sensitive obvious issues with this????

    Here's how to not care what people say about your (anyone's) parenting:

    Don't care what people say.

    Easy enough??
  • Or be confident in what you do so if someone doesn't mind their business you don't cry....
  • One where I really don't care what people say or think about what I do. It is possible b
  • Nope. Not at all.
  • pobrecita said:

    I don't even have a dog in this fight (mostly because the OP won't answer any fucking questions) but goddamn LJ. The insensitivity you display regularly is astounding.

    Really? Cuz I certainly don't see you gushing with warm fuzzies, either.
  • Because everyone is so damn warm and kind to me. Right?
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