Anybody else? -other people's pregnancies

Robeano

So I'm wondering if this is "IF normal" or if it's just me.

A good friend of mine, who has been struggling with IF told me yesterday she's pregnant. Now I am thrilled for her. But terrified at the same time. She's talking about maternity leave worries already, and concerns with being pregnant at work. Inside I'm like "calm down until you at least get your second beta!" I have this intense fear when close friends announce their pregnancies, like afraid they are going to lose it. Especially when I see how blindly excited they are. And I don't want to be the big party pooper and tell them to be cautious. So I just panic inside and pray really hard.

Especially after having 3 losses I feel like I'm "stronger" than them. Like I feel they couldn't handle it cuz I remember how devastated I was, how much help I needed to be okay again. Am I weird?

Robeano

I agree @Ducky719, that is the one change from IF that I personally regret. I was such an optimistic person before. I mean it's probably for the better that I am more realistic. But ignorance was bliss, I miss it sometimes.

Ruthie04

I have mixed feelings about this one. With my first pregnancy, I thought about daycare, browsed baby bedding, bought pregnancy books...When I lost that pregnancy, I was devastated, but wouldn't I have been just as crushed if I had let worry plague my thoughts instead of joy? Then, with the boys, I didn't buy a single thing until 24 weeks. I wouldn't let myself attach to them or talk about names. I don't even think I really thought we'd be bringing home babies until 32 weeks.

The thing with PAIF is that you never know whether or not this is your only pregnancy. Why not spend those precious months (or in some cases, only weeks) being happy and excited? I just hate that this dark cloud of fear kept me from enjoying every minute of my pregnancy. This is especially true knowing that the pregnancy was most likely my only successful one. With the exception of telling people (because of the whole untelling part) and registering for baby programs (because of he never ending baby related mail items), I think being excited and looking to the future is a nice thing.

Of course, all this is talk. I may look all peppy as a former sorority girl with a southern accent and a JCrew wardrobe, but I'm all dark and negative inside!

KDR1979

This is really hard too. I've had 3 losses. When I was pregnant with the twins, I was constantly worried and always counting down til the next milestone. I didn't let my husband start putting baby things together until I was ~32 weeks pregnant and I made him keep all of the boxes in the basement. I didn't really believe that it would really happen until their birth.

Now, I know that I will most likely never be pregnant again, so I also wish that I could have enjoyed it more! I don't know if I could have though....I just know too much and am too familiar with loss. We didn't even tell our parents that we were pregnant until we were 10 weeks ( and saw their heartbeats that morning). My SIL got pregnant twice her first month off the pill. She pretty much told every one as soon as she POAS. I wish I could be that naïve!

TJ1979

I'm with you. I wouldn't dare say a word to crush their innocent joy, but I pray so hard that they don't end up where I was. My loss nearly broke me. I wouldn't wish that on anyone. But I'm always more fearful and cautious than people I know who are announcing their pregnancies.

itsmevkb

For me this is more about my losses than any struggles I've had to get pregnant.  I worry for other people but don't mind if they announce their pregnancies super early or immediately begin planning things that I realize they may never really need.  I just hope for the best for them.

I find it hard when people talk about waiting until 12 weeks to announce because then you're in some kind of magical safe zone.  Except you're not.  My loss at 14 weeks definitely taints my view on the entire safe zone issue.

On here, I struggle a lot with sometimes wondering if I'm being too honest.  When women post things like my ultrasound shows I'm 6 weeks and baby has a heart rate of 70 and I'm supposed to be 8 weeks, what do you think I always type out a response about how realistically, that's not looking so good so hope for the best but prepare for the worst.  And then, often times I never actually post it because every other response is how don't worry, it'll all work out and your dates are just off and whatever.  I feel bad if I respond truthfully and bad if I don't because I remember everyone telling me my two lost pregnancies would work out and I wish someone would have just said, yea, it's not looking so good.

luvboston

You are stronger. You have lived through something hopefully these people will never experience. It takes big cajones to have a miscarriage or several and "live" to tell the tale. I would be upfront with people but that's just me go ahead and live in la la land but just in case reality hits you in the bum here's why you don't tell people.

I didn't go through six miscarriages to not wake the world up and realize things aren't always rainbows and unicorns. My attitude is to shout it from the rooftops so that if it happens to someone else they know they weren't alone and that you do survive and possibly have some success later on. And that there are specialists out there that actually do know what they are doing.

MAbride0808

I never had a miscarriage, but I feel very apprehensive when my friends say they are TTC and start making plans like the baby is right around the corner.  I hope it goes easy for them, but I know that the journey is not always as quick and easy as you want it to be.