Question about PgAL from the other side

lcwed

As of last night, MIL and my mom know I am pregnant.  MIL suspected it and badgered DH until he caved. So I told my mom to be fair.  My mom's reaction took my by surprise.  She said she didn't care what my Dr. said, she didn't think I was ready and wished we had waited longer to have another.  Needless to say it was not the SQUEEE I'm going to be a grandma reaction I got when I was pregnant with DD and was taken aback.   Is this reaction from a parent normal?  I never really thought about how the loss affected her as my mother and her concern for me.  Also, the loss was while TFAS so is it normal to think "I have one pretty awesome grankid, I don't need another?"  Of course then PgAL brain kicked in I started freaking out that it was going to be another loss because she said that.  Sorry this is so long, I tried to give a short version.

SpartyKim

Sorry to hear your mom wasn't excited like you wanted/needed her to be. My mom and MIL have known about all my losses. In Aug, after my loss at 8 weeks (was measuring 2 weeks behind and baby never had HB - low progesterone) my mom asked me what the doc said as far as waiting to try again. My mom had done her own research online too. So she was expecting to hear about my BFP. I don't know what to tell you about your mom but her lack of excitement can't jinx your pregnancy. All of us here on PgAL are excited for your rainbow baby.

Junebug060609

Lurking from PAL

My parents had guarded reactions with subsequent pregnancies. I think the muted reaction was mostly out of concern for me.

Bostonchelle

I'm sorry about your moms reaction. I do think sometimes we forget how difficult our losses can be on our parents and other family members, particularly our mothers. I think this reaction is out of concern for your well being and she is likely trying to make sure you are ok and it is nothing against your pregnancy or the baby.

littlecookie

My mom definitely had opinions about how long I should wait to try again. The first time I followed the docs advice (less than my mom thought), but she didn't say anything negative after I got my bfp. I unfortunately did have another loss that pregnancy, but my mom was totally supportive.

I think there is a difference in being guarded and afraid (which I'd say yes normal) and saying something hurtful. I'm sorry she said that to you. It would have upset me too.

footprint

I agree with PPs that your mom's reaction will not affect your pregnancy. My mom has said some similar stuff and I really believe that it comes from a good place. Mine doesn't want to see me hurt and disappointed so she tries to temper her reaction. I can't say if that is true for your mom, but it makes it easier to handle if I believe it's from a good place.

Congrats on your pregnancy and welcome to the board!

Mel&John2013

I'm sorry your mom's reaction wasn't what you had hoped for, but I also agree with the reminder to you that her reaction and feelings will NOT affect your pregnancy.

I'm sure she's just coming from a place of concern for you, but that doesn't make it sting less. We've had lukewarm reactions from a couple of people, and the best way to deal for us has been to just brush them off and talk to someone who can be more excited with us. That helps build us back up.

lcwed

Thanks guys.  I know it is from a place of concern and not malicious.  Also, I had some pregnancy complications that will probably occur this time and I'm sure that is part of it.  Thanks for the reassurance about her comment not causing another MC, rational me knows that, emotional me forgets that.  @hmr110913 I had a MMC in July and doctor said we could try again right away, but she didn't know we could start right away.

classicstar28

**lurking from PAL**

I'm sorry your mom's reaction was not what you expected. When I first got pregnant, my brother and SIL were extremely excited. Then I miscarried and they had opinions about how long to wait that differed from my drs advice. We actually had a huge fight over it. When we told them I was pregnant again, they were less than enthusiastic. They didn't get excited until after our a/s and announced we were having a girl.

I know it hurts to not get the excited reaction you're expecting. I agree with pp that losses are hard on our family members, too, and they can react in unexpected ways. Hopefully your mom will get excited like my brother did as you get further along.

Congrats on your pregnancy!

paintdadanta

I'm sorry to hear that she reacted that way. My parents were surprised but warmed up to excitement after a few days. DH's on the other hand have been extremely disinterested and apathetic but no reason as to why. It's certainly not fun and I have wondered the "one grandkid" question myself as DH has a son from a previous marriage and their response to the news was if he was happy and okay with it. But then again according to them SS comes before either of us - we simply don't exist to them. I hope  your mother will come around and begin to see how good this baby is for you all. Hang in there and don't let her negativity ruin this for you.

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lcwed

You guys   are the best.  The hugs have definitely helped.  I'll talked to her in a few days and ask what her main worries are as to why she if feeling that way.  If DD was going through this, I may just be the same way.

Belle0720

This pretty much just echoes what PPs have said, but I'm sorry your mom didn't react as excitedly as you expected. It really sounds like she is just concerned for you and also scared about the potential for another loss. With that said, her response and concerns have no impact on the health of your baby. Congrats on your pregnancy and FX for a happy & healthy 9 months!

asglover514

*hugs* I'm sorry your mom didn't give the reaction you were hoping for. I have no advice just lots of *hugs*

lyndz333

Sorry the reaction wasn't what you were hoping for!. Sometime people just don't think before they speak. Congrats to you!

cutiepie0104

My Mother is rather Stoic, when we told her of our first she smiled and actually hugged me, but when I called and told her about the MC she said it happens.... which is not what I needed. With this Pregnancy I called her before even telling my Husband I couldn't get the sound of her disappointment out of my head from the MC (first Grandbaby for her)  I found out later she had MC at 12 weeks when she was younger. I feel that her not telling me until now kept a bond from forming, don't let her questionable response make you doubt yourself. If you want her to know all aspects of your pregnancy let her know, I have done that with mine and she is more accepting of my wants and needs at this time then how she is. I am so thankful her stubbornness rubbed off on me.

heathersf11

I'm sorry that your mom's reaction wasn't what you had hoped for. Hopefully she will come around soon when she sees that you and baby are doing well. ((((Hugs))))

Mills0401

I am so sorry you got a poor reaction from your mom. When I told my mom I could physically see her restrain herself and say she wasn't going to get overly excited this time. Last time she was shouting from the hilltops and when I had the mc I found myself having to explain it to people I didn't even tell! She might be trying to protect herself from heartache instead of being there for you when you need her the most. I'm sure she will come around.

sgio7485

I actually experienced this a little with my DH. I never realized how much our loss effected him until I got pg again, and he didn't get excited the same way as the first time for a long, long time. I'm sure it was his way of protecting himself from heartache. FX that your fam comes around and gets more visibly excited. (Hugs)