Don't know how to get through this edited - sorry

lovemybellag

Many of you ladies have followed my story. We had a miscarriage in September. Struggled with infertility since 2010. Since September my world has crumbled. My DH was diagnosed with infection and we were told to hold off on TTC only to later be told it was ok to TTC by urologist and infection was not concerning. I've had 4 colds and ear infection since October. Now my DH was diagnosed with cancer after they found a tumor in his chest. I was told AMH is at 0.97. We went to cryo preservation but are told that the majority of DHs sperm did not survive freezing and IVF may be only option (45 million pre thaw turned into 6 million post). We cannot due IVF fir financial and health reasons and we just don't feel that good about it. We were willing to do IUI. I now find myself crying every day multiple times at the thought if never getting pregnant again. I don't know how I will get through this. I feel like I've been stripped of the one thing I want in this world more than anything else. My heart aches and I feel nothing but pain and emptiness. At the same time I need to help DH get through chemo and have been running around to appts etc. no one IRL understands my longing and I'm constantly being told crying is not going to help. My biggest fear that my two SILs would be pregnant is what has happened and while I am happy for them and my future niece/nephew I am hurting not knowing how I will be able to get through this and watch my in laws have babies sone of which will be born close to what was my due date. I feel like I am being punished and not sure how I am going to get through each day. I plan to get counseling but needed to get this out to you ladies bc if no one in my real life understands than maybe someone here will. How am I going to live each day? I'm sorry this is so long. My best to you ladies on here who have been so good to me over the past few months.

mflowers929

I'm so sorry that you're struggling so much. I can't even begin to imagine the stress you must be feeling. We're all here to support each other, so feel free to lean on us all you want ♥

lovemybellag

PetraStonegirl said:

Fucking hell. I am so sorry that you are experiencing all of this. It is just violently unfair.

Exactly my thoughts.

HeyMrsPotter

It's an understatement to say that's a lot to deal with all at once.  I am so very sorry all of this is happening. We're here for you, and I hope you are able to get the support you need and deserve IRL as well.  ((HGUS))

LittleMrsW

I'm so sorry you are dealing with all of this right now. Sending you the biggest ((hugs)).

buggirl72

I am so sorry for what you are dealing with. Is there any cancer support groups that you can be part of? Counseling for yourself would also be a good thing.

Finally, I'm not sure if you are aware of the Trying For a Second board. It is a wonderful place for you to express your concerns about not having a sibling for your living child - a subject that is never talked about on this board.

I hope that you are able to get some IRL help and that you are able to give your husband the support he needs while he battles cancer.

Frenchteachermama

I am so sorry for what you are going through. I cannot imagine what it would be like to suffer from IF and have to worry about my DH's health at the same time. Sending you positive thoughts and prayers.

If you ever want to talk over PM I am here. I can't see your siggy because I'm mobile but there is also a board called 2IF. Sounds like you would be a good fit there too.

I've been in your shoes (on the TTCAL side) for the past 16 months. 2 miscarriages and a year struggle with IF all while I had to watch my identical twin sister and both of my SILs get pregnant and have babies. The main thing that got me through was the support of my therapist who specializes in women's infertility, grief and loss. I think it might be time you seek out some help for yourself, you have so much to deal with and you don't have to go through it alone.

Rocks526

I am so sorry you are dealing with all of this. I will keep your and your husband in my thoughts (((Hugs))).  If you need someone to talk to feel free to PM me.

skategirl128

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this! I will keep you and your husband in my prayers.

I also think the trying for a second board could help with some of your other feelings- so many lovely women on this board do not have any living children so hearing things like this can be hurtful.

Big hugs! Cancer is scary and I'm sending all my love to you!

ellebelle2384

Big hugs.  I'm so sorry for all the health issues you and your H are facing.  That is so scary.  And I am a huge supporter of counseling.  Even if you just go once and don't go back at least it's something you tried to help. 

I also agree with the other ladies in that you might want to check out 2IF or the TTCAS boards.  They will be able to give you the support you are looking for with TFAS as many of the ladies here do not have living children.

Nikolie93

I am so sorry you are going through this. Someone already mentioned it but you may want to look into some counseling. You are going through a lot right now. I am sending positive vibes your way and I hope that your DH is ok. *hugs*

lovemybellag

Thank you ladies. I'm sorry if I offended anyone or made anyone sad. That was not my attention. PLease know that I want the best for you all. All my love!

TowerClimbersWife

So sorry you are going through this! Please do find a therapist to talk to. It will likely help you very much! No one should have to deal with all of these feelings alone!

Many hugs and love being sent your way.

MrsOscarFelix

so much love and ((hugs)) your way. I am so sorry you are going through this.

EIsieMae

I am so sorry that you are going through all of this. I can't imagine what it's like to deal with loss and infertility, on top of dealing with your DH having cancer. Huge ((hugs)) to you.

MellyMel15

I'm sorry that you are struggling so much. I hope your husband will be all right. Wishing you guys all the best. Take care and hang in there. 

renegadewhit

I'm sorry you're dealing with all of this, especially all at once. ((Hugs))

rmpar29

So much love and so many ((((HUGS)))) coming your way.  I cannot even imagine the hell you are in right now, but certainly let yourself feel whatever it is that you feel.  I agree that finding someone to talk to might help you get your feelings out. 

catvaughn5002

I'm so very sorry that you are going through such a difficult time.  Please take some time for yourself to relax if at all possible.  ((hugs))

bfonz619

I am really sorry for your loss and what you and your family are experiencing and wish nothing but the best in your husband's recovery.  I can imagine the stress and sadness you're experiencing is quite intense.  Take care of yourself.

NOBB14

Ugh, you're in an awful spot and I am so so sorry for your loss and everything that's happening. Hugs.

aswedishbee

Will keep you and YH in my thoughts.

PinkCamino

FFS

CAN WE PLEASE STOP BUMPING THIS UP?

IF YOU WANT TO GET IN TOUCH WITH OP PLEASE SEND A PM.

Crunkal

I am so sorry you are going through all of this. I cannot even imagine the stress you are experiencing. Wishing you all of the best, and hoping for your husbands swift recovery.
Sending tons of hugs and positive vibes to you and your family.