Need advice- FIL issue

Aurora1181

(On mobile- sorry for block of text!)

So FIL will be watching my twins on Thursdays and MIL (they're divorced) will be watching them on Fridays starting in January. They'll be at daycare M-W. Mom in law has some health issues, so FiL said he will pick up her Fridays as necessary. He'll just stay the night at our house in between. He has a 12 year old golden retriever who basically sleeps all day, and he and this dog are inseparable. So of course we said it was fine to bring the dog on Thursdays, especially since he might be spending the night. We have a dog and three cats. Everyone gets along. Well my 19 year old sister in law just got FIL a Great Pyrrenes puppy as a surprise for Christmas! So.. Yeah. What now? Let him bring the puppy too? I can't imagine our twins doing tummy time with a puppy running around.. But maybe it would be okay? Do I talk to him? Or DH? I'm irritated at SIL for getting him this puppy and complicating things- am I overreacting?

persephonerose

That would be a big fat no on the puppy. They take a lot of work and the focus needs to be on the twins, not corralling a ton of animals. Because who knows how this puppy will interact with the other animals, and that's a huge dog in the making! Let it come now and you will always have to let it come.

I'd tell DH he needs to make sure his dad understands the puppy cant come with. Of course then you have to accept that it might keep Fil from helping you on those days.

sabby2

What they said. A puppy takes a ton of attention and work. Maybe your SIL can watch the puppy since you already had the plans with your FIL for the twins?

golfingdarwinfish

I think the puppy will be too much....  Does he plan on crate training her at first?  If she's going to spend the vast majority of early days in the crate it may be okay, but you would have to trust that he wasn't taking her out and letting her run around.

Personally I think being irritated at SIL is a bit of an overreaction if you say something to her or treat her differently for it  Your FIL is watching the twins one day a week; that shouldn't prohibit someone from gifting him a dog (or anything for that matter), which will also enrich his life in different ways.  He obviously has a life past that one or two days a week!

lvcpatt84

I think we have the same FIL. My FIL and MIL are also divorced, and he had a Golden Retriever also. They were inseparable. He was a principal before he retired, and even took her to work with him everyday. She passed a few years ago, but he has another Golden, who visits our house every time he does. They are the sweetest dogs!

Anyway, like PP said, the puppy could be a pretty big hassle. The only way I'd be ok with it is if FIL brought a crate over and kept him in there the whole time. Not only for the baby's sake, but you definitely don't want a puppy running around your house peeing on everything and chewing up your stuff. Maybe SIL could watch the puppy while FIL watches LO?

Try not to get too irritated with SIL. The puppy threw a wrench in your plans, but I'm sure she didn't mean any inconvenience to you.

Aurora1181

So what I'm hearing is that it is okay to say he can't bring the puppy (he hasn't asked if he can yet so maybe he gets it) but if I say no puppy, I need to accept the consequences. I haven't and won't say anything to SIL. I just privately fumed about it :-) organizing child care for two is such a pain, yo! (Side note- I actually am excited about meeting the puppy. Love puppy cuddles!)

AmandaJean12

I guess I'm the odd one out but if he is offering to leave his schedule up in the air every week to maybe cover another day of child care for you, I think you're going to have to let him bring the puppy. Or, I wouldn't expect him to stay the night.

I think saying you don't want the puppy running free in the house or around the babies is fine. He can crate it and take it out as needed, play with it when the babies are napping. Or he can use baby gates to keep it in a room without carpet, etc. But saying he shouldn't be getting a puppy because he's doing something nice for you doesn't seem fair to me.

silliegirlie143

As a large dog owner who takes their dog with them most places I'd be very put off if you told me I couldnt bring my dog somewhere overnight. I also am a firm believer that puppies, like children, need a lot of interaction and crating a puppy all day is wrong, too. This could be a great training experience for the puppy so your twins are safe with such a big dog in the making! 

Times like tummy time, where the twins are on the floor and vulnerable would be good times for the dog to be separated.

If you're trusting your FIL enough to care for your twins you should also trust his judgement on what he can handle (puppy or no puppy) but that convo will have to wait until he knows he's getting the dog!

SIL has nothing to do with this and being upset at her is a total overreaction

If this makes no sense, I apoligize in advance. Bumping one handed and sleep and such...

Aurora1181

silliegirlie143 said:

As a large dog owner who takes their dog with them most places I'd be very put off if you told me I couldnt bring my dog somewhere overnight. I also am a firm believer that puppies, like children, need a lot of interaction and crating a puppy all day is wrong, too. This could be a great training experience for the puppy so your twins are safe with such a big dog in the making! 

Times like tummy time, where the twins are on the floor and vulnerable would be good times for the dog to be separated.

If you're trusting your FIL enough to care for your twins you should also trust his judgement on what he can handle (puppy or no puppy) but that convo will have to wait until he knows he's getting the dog!

SIL has nothing to do with this and being upset at her is a total overreaction

If this makes no sense, I apoligize in advance. Bumping one handed and sleep and such...

Excellent points and you make total sense! He already got the dog (early present I guess). I like what you said about trusting him to know what he can handle. Thanks for giving me that to think about.

Aurora1181

AmandaJean12 said:

I guess I'm the odd one out but if he is offering to leave his schedule up in the air every week to maybe cover another day of child care for you, I think you're going to have to let him bring the puppy. Or, I wouldn't expect him to stay the night.

I think saying you don't want the puppy running free in the house or around the babies is fine. He can crate it and take it out as needed, play with it when the babies are napping. Or he can use baby gates to keep it in a room without carpet, etc. But saying he shouldn't be getting a puppy because he's doing something nice for you doesn't seem fair to me.

Great ideas- I like the idea of there being puppy time (twins are napping) and non-puppy time. We even have two crates we aren't using so it's not like he would have to lug one back and forth.

KelliRR

AmandaJean12 said:

I guess I'm the odd one out but if he is offering to leave his schedule up in the air every week to maybe cover another day of child care for you, I think you're going to have to let him bring the puppy. Or, I wouldn't expect him to stay the night.

I think saying you don't want the puppy running free in the house or around the babies is fine. He can crate it and take it out as needed, play with it when the babies are napping. Or he can use baby gates to keep it in a room without carpet, etc. But saying he shouldn't be getting a puppy because he's doing something nice for you doesn't seem fair to me.

I agree. The puppy might be a huge distraction, but I think there's probably a workaround. Since your F I L is doing you such a big favor, I would offer to be flexible and find a way you can both work through it.

BreandMikewedding

A new puppy could change the dynamics with the other animals. Even if they get along well, they could be more rambunctious. I think it's very important that each animal has their own space in your house where they can be separated if he needs to focus on the babies or they are getting out of control. My dogs love their cages! Not only does it keep them away from the kids when needed but it keeps the kids away from the dogs when the dogs need a break. My dogs will actually go open their cage and go in when they need some time away from the kids. 3 dogs, a cat and twins sounds overwhelming to me but it all depends on everyone's personalities.

Dani0329

Personally, I don't think it's a big deal. Your FIL has a few weeks to start crate training. I would imagine he would put the twins first, but of course I don't know your FIL.

ishknits

Idk from what I've seen, puppies and babies make EXCELLENT instagram pics and apparent BFFs.
I'm sure even if your FIL brought the puppy over and realized it was too much it would probably be a decision he made only once. I'm sure an older person (or any person) wouldn't choose to make himself miserable all day