FTM questions

topaz7777 · December 2014

Just a thought, on my BMB (which is really usually pretty brutal) we have a weekly question discussion where people can ask questions even if they think they are kinda stupid. It actually goes really well and is quite informative. I wasn't sure if anyone was interested in posting any question about baby/labor/pregnancy that you aren't really sure about asking a bunch of internet strangers. I know most of the BTDT moms here have a lot of pointers and helpful information but we know better than giving unsolicited advice. Anyone?

NeonNoon · December 2014

Thanks for starting this thread @topaz7777. I have a few birth related ones!

1. I'm planning on an unmedicated birth (have yet to discuss with OB). I have a ridiculously high pain threshold, e.g. I've burned myself before and not noticed until blisters showed up. I'm still anxious about the level of pain. How painful is labor? Is there a way you can describe it?

2. I'm terrified of my water breaking in public. Do you wear a pad close to the due date? Or do you just deal with the public embarrassment?

3. Of the things you took with you to the hospital for delivery, what were the 2-3 most useful?

topaz7777 · December 2014

@NeonNoon

As for me, I ended up with an epidural, though I will tell you, prior to getting it, I felt like I was having extreme period cramping. It was tolerable, just very uncomfortable. I was also on Pitocin so I don't know if that makes a difference, I'm sure other BTDT mom's have some unmedicated experience. I just felt very period like uncomfortable, and it got worse as labor progressed. At the end, they turned off my epidural so I could "feel to push" and I sure wish they didn't. To me it felt like the worst diarhea pains imaginable. The pressure felt like that. It was so extreme I didn't feel the tearing. It was instantly gone the second she was delivered though. I was crying. Not because my baby was born but because the pain finally stopped. I'd love to hear some other stories!

As for the water breaking, I absolutely recommend a waterproof mattress cover. Put it on now so you don't have to worry about it later. Mine didn't break and was broken for me, but I hear usually because the baby is putting pressure down there, it's more like a trickle than a major flow. A lot of people can't tell which it was. The good news, people usually assume it's your water breaking if you are in public anyway. But I don't think there is ANY problem with wearing a pad!!!

As for delivery, what I really wished I brought was one of those flexible nipple shields, in case you have trouble getting baby to latch (if you plan to nurse). Some hospitals carry them, some don't. It's the first thing I'm packing this time. I ended up not using nearly any of the clothes I brought since I was in the gown. You bleed all over it anyway, no need to ruin your clothes. And they check you for bleeding a lot, so it's just easier with the gown. Make sure the clothes you wear are still maternity clothes, just maybe not your biggest ones.

This time, I'm bringing the nipple shield, a nursing bra, and cover... (the cover because last time in order to nurse I had to pretty much expose myself and it's awkward with company) I'll have a change of clothes for me and baby, and maybe toiletries for a shower and brushing my hair. I had WAY too much stuff in the room last time and never used 90% of it.

Edit to add!!

Oh and snacks for DH!!! He was hungry at the wrong time! Also, cell phone and charger, for both of us. He'll want to share the news. And if he is out of the room when it's about time you can call his tail back in!

mandyreads · December 2014

NeonNoon

1. I had a natural birth with my last daughter and absolutely hated it. I withered in pain 40 mins after they gave me the pearls to thin my cervix. Was told I would deliver the next day, but she had other plans. 40 mins after they were inserted I went into labor and the anesthesiologist never made it in time. From the time that labor started and I delivered was just about 4 hrs. I was given morphine but after the 2nd time, it quit working on the pain. I however do not have a high tolerance for pain. I am a weeny and proud of it. I want to be mediated up a week in advance!

2. I wouldn't count on your water breaking in public or at all. Out of my 3 pregnancies so far I had to have it broken for me. With my last one I thought it broke during pushing but sadly they checked and I just wee'd myself.

$:\$ But a panty liner should suffice.

3. phone charger!! I have clothes to wear home, a nightgown, a robe, baby's bag and come home clothes, socks, undies. they usually give you pads but they are horribly big and uncomfortable. I would suggest bringing the ones you like.

niknak1208 · December 2014

NeonNoon

I had epidurals with all of my previous births. My contractions were pretty painful with my son prior to getting the epidural. I'm like a don't touch me silent person when in pain. lol So I remember just laying there quietly breathing and crying. lol With my daughter, the epidural didn't work on my left side because for some reason when I laid on that side she fell off the monitors so I had to keep to my right side which means it drained all to the right. I ended up having injections on the left to help with the pain because I could feel everything on that side.

I wouldn't worry about your water breaking. My water broke at the hospital with my son. My water didn't break with my daughter.. they had to break it for me. And with my loss at 20 weeks, my water leaked three times on the way to triage and then when I got out of the car at the hospital it broke.. but it wasn't like a pool at my feet. I had a skirt on and my underwear were soaked completely. My legs were wet but nothing that would have alarmed anyone else. I was uncomfortable of course and terrified but no one was staring at me or anything.

A phone charger for sure!!! All the necessities like toothbrush/toothpaste, make up if you wear it, brush etc. Coming home clothes that are comfortable. Bring your own pads.. the hospital ones are basically like wearing a diaper.

All of baby's stuff. I also brought my body pillow because it helped me rest more comfortably in the bed before labor.

topaz7777 · December 2014

niknak1208 said:

NeonNoon

I had epidurals with all of my previous births. My contractions were pretty painful with my son prior to getting the epidural. I'm like a don't touch me silent person when in pain. lol So I remember just laying there quietly breathing and crying. lol With my daughter, the epidural didn't work on my left side because for some reason when I laid on that side she fell off the monitors so I had to keep to my right side which means it drained all to the right. I ended up having injections on the left to help with the pain because I could feel everything on that side.

I wouldn't worry about your water breaking. My water broke at the hospital with my son. My water didn't break with my daughter.. they had to break it for me. And with my loss at 20 weeks, my water leaked three times on the way to triage and then when I got out of the car at the hospital it broke.. but it wasn't like a pool at my feet. I had a skirt on and my underwear were soaked completely. My legs were wet but nothing that would have alarmed anyone else. I was uncomfortable of course and terrified but no one was staring at me or anything.

A phone charger for sure!!! All the necessities like toothbrush/toothpaste, make up if you wear it, brush etc. Coming home clothes that are comfortable. Bring your own pads.. the hospital ones are basically like wearing a diaper. All of baby's stuff. I also brought my body pillow because it helped me rest more comfortably in the bed before labor.

Yes!! Your own pillow! I brought a nursing pillow also, but it was kind of hard to get and move and position and all that, ended up not using it at the hospital.

mandyreads · December 2014

@hikerlady‌ I have bled from anywhere between 3-4 weeks after the birth. So have plenty on hand.

topaz7777 · December 2014

@hikerlady Yes, the mother of all periods is a great way to describe it. I am pretty sure I bled 4 weeks after birth. Also as an extra joy if you are a woman who happens to ovulate that first cycle guess what??? Another period right after it.

So after birth, it's like a super heavy period (at least for me, I had a vaginal birth and have no idea if that makes a difference). You really need some heavy duty pads. I agree with PP's though that the hospital ones are really bulky and uncomfortable. Especially when you sit on them and they put pressure in that very sore area. They also give disposable underwear which I definitely wore a lot of.

That area is also very sore. They sent me home with a sitz bath and a peri bottle, both are the ONLY way I was able to urinate without intense burning. Tucks pads are your friends.

mandyreads · December 2014

Oh yes!! I forgot about Tucks pads. Those are amazing.

Sharon&Paul · December 2014

I had the epidural with all three deliveries. I did a maternity rotation in school and was able to deliver babies. Since I saw the process I decided I rather go the epidural route and enjoy the delivery. I did not want the side effects from the pain meds. My first and third were inductions, so I could get the epidural at any point. I did not wait out the pain much. My second I went into labor at home. Between contractions you get a breather, but it is intense during the contraction. For me it was the not knowing how much longer it would last.

First DD they broker the bag of water while in labor. Second DD it broke during pushing. Third DD broke on it's own a month early. It was a pop followed by a gushing feeling. Though it only soaked my underwear. My clothes were still fine. So I would just have pads with you. I put a pad on and went to the hospital.

niknak1208 · December 2014

Yes.. unfortunately you do bleed a lot for a while. After a few weeks it dies down and you're not supposed to use tampons so it's just pads. That part does kind of suck.

NicoleWI · December 2014

Bleeding for me was like 6 weeks or even a bit more every time.

1. Labor Pain seems to be different for everyone, and different with different babies, too. My first was an induction. It was terribly painful, I thought. I was at the limit of what I could handle when I finally got the epi. It may have had something to do with induction, though. I was expecting a slow build-up when DH and I would watch TV, walk around, etc. Instead, I was in tears almost immediately. It really hurt from the very start but I wasn't dilating. I had a kind of bad nurse at first which didn't help, either. They wanted me to wait until like 3 cm to get the eli but it took ages, and I was maxed out on pitocin. So for me, and my mom, incidentally, with her labors, I thought it was extremely painful. That said, my water broke with my second and I still had no contractions until they started pitocin. I was really scared about the pitocin after my first experience but the second time it went much more smoothly and I was able to manage much better (no tears for quite a while) until I got the epi. When I got the epidural, labor was getting extremely painful for me already even though I was not very dilated. I don't think I have a particularly low pain tolerance, either. Personally, I LOVED My epidurals. But, lots of people seem to handle labor pain much better than I do, or experience it differently.

2. I'm terrified of my water breaking in public. Do you wear a pad close to the due date? Or do you just deal with the public embarrassment?

Just deal. People will just be excited for you and think it's a novelty! My water broke at home. I was able to wear a big maxi pad to the hospital and that worked out fine, with a couple restroom stops! My pants weren't soaking wet. Have a towel in the car and waterproof pad in bed, just in case.

3. Of the things you took with you to the hospital for delivery, what were the 2-3 most useful?

Mouthwash (threw up a lot every time and liked being able to rinse), Vaseline (dry lips/skin), hair ties, nursing tanks and breast pads. Zip up sweatshirt to wear on top. My own pillow. CAMERA and VIDEO with batteries and chargers! Phone. Toiletries for that awesome first shower. Baby blanket (and if you have them, other accessories? Hat, headband) if your hospital does in-house newborn pics. I was not super prepared for this.

lcwed · December 2014

@NeonNoon

I did not have an epidural. I have a huge fear of needles and everyone said my fear of needles would be overcome by pain. Well, it never happened. I have a pretty high pain tolerance too. I swear when the say you forget the pain, they are right. I remember it felt like sharp period cramps when they started pitocin. It didn't really get painful until they broke my water. I think they felt like my entire stomach was being pushed and jabbed. The real pain was the pushing part. That hurt and was a burning sensation. After 4 hours of active labor, I asked for IV meds, but it was too late because I had to push.

The doctor broke my water so I can't help you there, although only like 20% of women actually have their water break naturally.

Second the chargers and a tablet. Also, plan to leave in either maternity pants, yoga pants, or something elastic. I actually ended up weighing more after giving birth than when I went in to deliver because of fluid from the IV.

@hikerlady I bled for 5 weeks. I used hospital ones for the first week. After that, I was able to use the always infinity overnights. They weren't as bulky and rarely leaked. I second taking home the tucks pads, and the spray stuff they give you that cools you down. They charge you for them anyways, even if you don't use it all. I can't remember the name, maybe some of the other ladies remember.

NavyMom77 · December 2014

I can't speak much to the pain of birth since I'm a wuss and asked for an epidural as soon as humanly possible. I do remember up until then it felt like period cramps, that just started getting longer and more intense. And the doctor had to break my water both times.

One suggestion I always tell moms is to bring home as many of those cool-pack maxi pads the hospital has as you can. They do not exist in the real world, and with my first I had an issue healing and wound up using them off and on for almost a week. I would send my husband in to the bathroom at the hospital to grab a few to put in our bag every time they re-stocked. The nurse actually strongly hinted that we do that, so I didn't feel too guilty. :-) With the second I didn't have the same issues, so only used them at home for a day or two after discharge, but better safe than sorry!

topaz7777 · December 2014

Our hospital takes a newborn diaper and shoves ice between the layers of the diaper and gives it to you as an ice pack for your lady parts. Could not have lived without it. If you have a home birth, I strongly advise looking into creating your own ice packs for down there. Some people freeze a maxi pad that is soaked in water, some do the diaper thing. I've heard of people putting witch hazel on them and such. Whatever works for you, but it does help.

Bostonchelle · December 2014

topaz7777 said:
Our hospital takes a newborn diaper and shoves ice between the layers of the diaper and gives it to you as an ice pack for your lady parts. Could not have lived without it. If you have a home birth, I strongly advise looking into creating your own ice packs for down there. Some people freeze a maxi pad that is soaked in water, some do the diaper thing. I've heard of people putting witch hazel on them and such. Whatever works for you, but it does help.

-The ice diaper is the best! I also would add to that a few witch hazel pads. Also my best post birth pain tip is to bring yoga pants with you and wear them instead of pjs or whatever- they hold the ice diaper, the cold packs and the witch hazel pads in better!

supersarah77 · December 2014

I had a 39-hour unmedicated labor. I labored at home for the first 9 hours and during that time it felt like period cramps. When I got to the hospital I was dilated to 5cm and it was more intense, like having to pause until they passed, but totally manageable. Still like period cramps in feeling but more intense. When I got to transition phase 8-10cm) is when it got tough. The pain was definitely centered at my cervix and was pretty intense where you can't focus on anything else. You truly become inwardly focused. I studied hypnobirthing which I really recommend. Learning to relax through contractions and all the coping skills really helps. Just take one contraction at a time. They come in waves and peak and then go away, you get a couple minutes of break in between. In my preparation for birth class they had us practice by holding an ice cube and you can really tell that when you relax it's less painful. I truly found exhaustion to be the most challenging part of labor, not pain.

As others have said it's unlikely your water will break ahead of time. Mine didn't. I think that's a movie thing.

Top 2-3 items would be snacks/Gatorade for labor (our hospital food service closed overnight), phone charger, and clothes for going home.

The bleeding was much more than a period for the first few days, then became more period-like. It lasted 3 weeks for me. It was messy in the hospital for sure, which is why I recommend against wearing your own gowns for labor and postpartum in the hospital.

marijaa333 · December 2014

This is the most helpful thread I've come across on the bump! Thank you for all the insider tips and please keep them coming!

JC714 · December 2014

You have some very useful advice here already so I am only going to add my experience with#2 ....Don't want to concern you more than you are, but a pad would have done nothing for my water breaking, I was at home getting ready to call my doctor because I had been having consistent contractions and my waste broke in my kitchen, it was more like a bucket of water for me, not a trickle...I was soaked, and had to change clothes, after that I did not continue to leak much, a pad was fine for the trip to the hospital.