OT vent- adopting a kitty fail

manacita

Can I vent? You can snark all you want. I just need to vent about how hard it is to adopt a pet when you have kids. And I need to do it to other moms who know that we do take really good care of pets even when we have kids and that having kids doesn't automatically make us give up our pets.

My sweet 2.5 year old son's cat passed away on Tuesday. He has really been struggling with the loss (they were besties), and I decided on Friday to try to adopt him a kitty to bring home for the holidays. We have been to one shelter twice, a second and third shelter one time each, and to a big adoption event today. It is really hard to get people to help you adopt a cat with your 2.5 year old and 1 year old in tow. I don't want to think that they are rude and dismissive because I have two kids, but it really does feel like they are.

At one shelter they have a great facility. No kill. Happy animals. And big open free range kitty rooms. So the cats can come meet my son on their terms and we can see how they feel about him. But at that shelter my sweet and very shy son was quietly and slowly going through a door into one of those rooms because, in his words, 'no scare kitties.' 3 people yelled at him to hurry up and close the door. 3 people! Yelled! He started crying so we left.

Another place told us they don't adopt to homes with young kids. Really? Not at all? That seems excessive.

At least at one place they were super nice. They tried really hard. But they were so busy, my little introvert got overwhelmed and we had to leave. They did have an adoption counselor call me tonight and talk to me about what we are looking for and what our family is like. She is going to try to match us with a few cats to meet at their shelter this week. We're just waiting for a call back. I swear, if this works out, I will give this shelter all of our end of year charitable giving money.

Thanks for the space to vent. I was so frustrated with everything I almost started crying at the last place (and they were the nice people.) I'm crossing my fingers we can bring my little guy a cat for Christmas. Here is a photo of him with his bestie Hugo a few days before he passed away.

Xoxo

FreddyisReady

I am so sorry for the loss of Hugo. Hope everything smooths out for this next kitty to find a home.

Lezzie82

That is ridiculous. Don't cats die every single day from over population issues? Id be frustrated as all heck.

Hopefully this lady can work with you. Have you tried Petsmart adoption center if you live near one? I worked at a Petsmart during college and they adopt cats and are pretty lax about it from what I understand!

murrayd83

If you live in NY I can suggest a great place to go! Hope you find that purrfect family member soon

khaleesi123

I want to punch the people that yelled at your little son how dare they! And it makes me angry that they have such strict rules with adopting a pet! Wouldn't they prefer them to go to families rather than putting them down for not getting adopted how ridiculous. Don't worry it will work out it was just one of THOSE days we all have them goodluck

loloyoyo26

Op, I also hope that this works out for you. I never thought I'd be a cat person, only a dog person until my roommate got a cat. I swear I felt like I cried as much as she did when it was his time to go. Pets of all kinds to me are now one of those things that are great for having with kids.

Have you seen the Hallmark commercial with the kitten ornament? Makes me cry, but perhaps you could get an ornament to commemorate Hugo that DS gets to help hang on tree. Maybe even one for new kitty, if things work out. Good luck!

animaldoctor12

Glad that you were able to vent to us. Believe it or not, when my DH and I were looking to adopt a second dog, we got denied from almost everywhere. I was a vet school student, we owned our condo, both have stable jobs, excellent vet resources for the care of our first dog, etc. I got denied many times for simply being IN vet school. Seriously. Then we got denied for working. And not having a fence. Some shelters have ridiculous standards and make it impossible for good owners to adopt. I am sorry that you are going though this. 

I ended up getting a special needs puppy because he was the only one that anybody would give me. He is awesome and given the fact that i was I'm vet school made it that I could get the care that he needed. ( neuro and ortho specialists). You will get a great kitty, don't give up!!

samiamagirl

GFJ48 said:

Sorry to hear about your cat

I volunteer at a shelter and yeah you can't open/close the door slowly and let cats out....Just saying. They shouldn't have "yelled" but I can see where they're coming from.

Also, I think they just have to make sure with families with very young children because 99% of the time they're the ones bringing the animals back for various reasons.

Hopefully this other shelter can match some cats to your family and everything works out!

First off, I'm so sorry about the loss of your cat and how hard your son is taking it. This may be a good time to teach him how to remember and memorialize someone he's loved and lost while you're in this transition period of getting a new companion. The wait will be a good lesson for him that each pet is special, unique, and truly irreplaceable.

I also know your shelter experience was reallt frustrating but just want to echo what @GFJ48‌ said and add to the bolded:

You are also hitting up shelters (by no fault of your own) during the holiday season when, unfortunately, so many families with young children are making impulse buys to "put under the tree." Shelters see this so often and once January rolls around these poor animals are brought right back into the shelter. So shelters tend to be more cautious about who they adopt out to around this time of year.

I hope this adoption coordinator who's able to take the time to know you and your family will see that this is not an impulse buy for you and your family and can find you a great cat to love and spoil just in time for Christmas!

thegabymama

Best of luck in this process! Your son looks like quite an animal lover and I hope he can have a new friend soon. We have 3 pets, 2 cats and a crazy dog. We're really hoping our LO loves them as much as we do and they love LO just as much! 8->

ETA: we adopted our dog after a long adoption process, she was one of the Christmas gift puppies gone awry mentioned above. She's a sweet girl but a lot to handle with loads of energy and a strong hunting and herding instinct. We refused to be like the people who got rid of the "dud Christmas present" and have trained her and continue to work hard to get her the exercise she needs to be a good girl. I would imagine this is a really tough time to adopt. Good luck again and so sorry for your loss!

samiamagirl

stratto814 said:

Oh! I also want to add, and you ladies who volunteer please correct me if I'm wrong, but I think the spring is referred to as "kitten season" so if you're looking for a kitten vs a cat you might have better luck waiting until March or April when shelters are flooded with kittens.

Mainly spring but there's a second season in the fall around October-November.

I honestly wouldn't advise a kitten for a family with really small kids, especially for the sake and sanity of the mom. Kittens are a huge, unpredictable, time commitment who's personalities are still developing and you really can't fully "shape". A cat at 1-2 years old is still young and playful but their personality is much more set and predictable, they also have more moments of calm, perfect for a family.

manacita

Thanks so much for the warm wishes and great advice ladies. I LOVE the idea of getting an ornament to memorialize Hugo and ordered one on shutterfly this morning. It should be here in a week. Right now my son starts crying whenever he sees a pic of his Buddy, but I think that several of you are right, it is a normal part of the grieving process and just because he is two, doesn't mean he should skip the sadness.

Also, we're looking for an adult cat. We have a 17 year old cat already, and it wouldn't be fair to her to get a kitten. Plus, I totally trust my son to treat a kitten with respect, but my daughter... Not so much. Older cats are capable and willing to tell Joey to back off and touch them nicely.

The good news is that a foster family for the shelter called me this morning. They have a special medical needs cat who might be a good fit. We're going to meet him sometime this week. I'll keep you updated as to what happens.

Xoxo