Question for cat and dog owners: NBR

alleycat39

I have a friend who is flying into town from Florida (I live in PA) before christmas and spending the night at my house before her parents pick her up here the next day and drive her back to our home town 2 hours away (I'm not going home for the holiday). We have been planning this for a few weeks now. While we were on the phone tonight she was talking to her dog that was in the room, which led me to ask "Where is Mia staying when you come up north?" She immediately responded that the dog was coming with her. I was taken back considering we have a cat (which she knows about) and she never made mention of bringing the dog. We have never had a dog in our house, nor do we think it is fair to us or the cat. For all we know, this could end up causing a behavioral issue with our cat and he could end up peeing everywhere to mark his territory. She didn't seem to understand why it would be a big deal to have her dog here over night.

I was pretty upset that she just assumed the dog could stay here, regardless of the fact we have a cat. Isn't it common courtesy to ask a host IF you can bring your animal, not just assume that is ok? Am I crazy? Or overreacting? 

Danielle0311

I don't think you're overreacting. I have a dog and I would never just assume it's okay to take him somewhere with me over night without asking. I also would be upset if someone brought their pet to my house without asking me but that's just my opinion.

TVLily

I have a cat and would be very upset if someone brought their dog over unannounced. I think it's totally different if your cat has been exposed to other animals in the past but if they hadn't I would want to add the extra stress, especially when the new addition in a few months will be stressful enough for your furbaby.

But I'm a self confessed crazy cat lady so that's my two cents.

carlsonbaby2014

Oh dear. I can only speak from experience since we have both dogs and a cat. First of all, I would NEVER just assume it would be ok to bring our dogs somewhere without confirming it with the host first. Even if they didn't have a cat or pet or kids...some people just don't want dogs or animals in their space and I think that's to be respected. Second, each cat and dog interact differently. My dogs are trained in how to be around cats and respecting them/their space but that's because we have our cat and they get it.

We have friends with dogs that have a high prey drive for cats and when they bring them over to our house we have to constantly police them. It's annoying!! And we feel it's unfair to our cat since this is HIS house as much as it is our dogs house. Our cat has never sprayed to mark his territory when we watch friends dogs, but I can see how you'd be concerned about that - it's only a natural response for them.

My advice would be to decide with your H if you're willing to set some boundaries for your friend and her dog while they visit which may mean some compromising of your cats freedom for the sake of sanity in the house. Especially if it's just for one night. But if you don't want to have to change anything for your cat then I say it may be best to ask your friend to find a pet friendly hotel or something. And don't blame yourself or feel bad if you go with the latter. It was not nice of her to just assume it'll be ok. That's really not cool.

Sorry for the long response but etiquette when it comes to pets is something that makes me tick. I feel like sometimes the animals are blamed when really it was poor decision making on the owners behalf, kwim?

So sorry you're dealing with this awkwardness. I hope you're able to work it out so that all parties (animals included) are happy .

jeslillyn

I definitely don't think your overreacting. Alot of cats can become super stressed due to change, especially the change being a dog. I wouldn't at all be okay with that if I was in your situation. I have a dog and two cats and my one cat can get stressed easily. I have to be really careful when our friends want to bring their pet's over. Sometimes she gets so stressed she'll stop using the litter box and trust me you don't wanna deal with that (not fun for your kitty either) So it's a very small list of who can bring what over here. Lol sorry your friend put you in that awkward spot.

alleycat39

Thanks ladies! I appreciate all of your response! I left it with my friend that I'd prefer to have her dad pick her up Monday night, rather than staying over bc an overnight is beyond what we are comfortable with. What we have to decide now is if we would be ok with her spending the afternoon at our house and having her dad come in the evening for her vs picking her straight up at the airport at 1pm.

Just baffles me that anyone would assume it was ok to bring their dog!

alleycat39

hmr110913 said:

Ps. You don't want this big moose to come and visit you???

We'd love that big boy to come visit us…..and play outside in the yard

The dog that my friend has is a shitzu/maltese mix I believe. Probably like 20 pounds or so? Not big, but still a dog!

luciddreamer106

I don't think you're overreacting , it's really rude of her to assume that it's ok. We have 2 cats who are very afraid of dogs, so they would be freaked out. We've had friends bring their dogs over, but they stay outside only.

Bigboneded

It seems common courtesy to discuss the plan to bring the dog with. I would try to be accomodating as a friend. But it is in poor taste to assume its okay to bring your pet to a friend's house withoutmentioning it. Can the dog stay outside?

heathersf11

As an owner of two cats and a small dog, I would be upset if someone assumed that they could bring their dog to my house for the night. Your friend was being pretty inconsiderate by assuming that this would be okay. 

lcwed

I'm glad you guys were able to work out a solution.  You were absolutely right to be upset.  She should really have asked first.  My BIL brought his cat when he came to visit, but asked permission first because we had a dog and are allergic to cats.  He also brought a kennel and kept the cat in there when we left and we let it roam free when we were home and could keep an eye on it.  These were compromises we were able to make because he asked permission. 

Chidador

Our pets are our furr babies. That's why they get special babysitters before we go anywhere. Our dogs are both big teddy bears but one sheds and the other swears she's a human and demands that you talk to her and no one else. It is your home. Your rules. We had this issue with my mother in law and her cat. My dogs aren't cat dogs. They are hunting dogs. She insisted that the cat had to come with her. So it did. The poor thing stayed in it's travel case because my dogs would try to hunt it. So are you being unreasonable, absolutely not. The cat is your kiddo and your friend should respect that. Plus if she goes out during the day who is going to watch the dog?

paintdadanta

I never do understand how people think it is okay to bring their pet without asking first. 

I have a couple dogs and a not-friendly cat but they rarely travel with us unless we can't find a someone to keep them in which case we always call to make sure it will be okay. I have had someone bring a pet once unannounced - my MIL right before we got married brought their older dog and then left ours outside in the rain all day while we were working because it was too energetic for hers. I haven't really permitted unwelcome house guests since. 

Best advice I could give is to explain that your cat doesn't do well with dogs and you would prefer they not bring the dog or keep it in a kennel during their stay. Kenneling will prevent to much a disturbance to the cat especially if you place a towel or cloth in front of the door to seal the scent. Plus it will most likely deter a return trip by the dog at least. She may even be able to find a pet sitter in your area or pet friendly hotel if causes too much of a problem. Best of luck, certainly no fun to deal with at any rate . . . .

xoalicia

I have Siberian huskies and I would never assume I could bring them to someone's house.

kate6214

I regularly take my dogs to my parents and inlaws houses but even with them we ask first. I would never assume it was ok to bring them anywhere.

Mel&John2013

I think that is so rude, and oddly enough, has happened to me! My older sister did this to me a couple of years ago. So annoying! We ended up letting the dog visit (I didn't have the heart to tell my niece no), but he had to be in his crate the entire time he was in the house so he couldn't chase our cat. Maybe you could do that for the afternoon if you still want to visit with your friend?

Good luck!