I feel guilty for feeling this way (BFP Mentioned, Not Mine, Loss Mentioned, Mine)

sonpetitlapin

Yesterday was SO's sister's 23 birthday.  We were going to take her out for dinner but she said she would just take cash instead.  We went by to see her, wish her a happy birthday and drop off the money.  He offered to take her to get a bottle of alcohol for her and her BF could have a good night.  She told him she wasn't drink right now.  He froze and put his hand on her stomach. 

My heart sank.  I didn't pick up on it but he did.  She thought she was pregnant.  (And a test confirmed today she is)

Don't get me wrong, I am very happy for her.  Albeit jealous but happy.  And I shouldn't feel jealousy or self pity.

Then his hand on his stomach triggered a downfall within myself.  He used to place his hand on my tummy all the time.  I would be 35 weeks right now.  Large with baby and his hands would be feeling his child move inside of me.  I have been feeling like it won't happen again.  I won't have that chance again.  

It's crazy, I know.

Davie813

Hugs.  There is absolutely no need to feel guilty--or crazy.  Jealousy is completely natural when it seems like someone else has any easy time getting something you want so badly and have tried so hard for.  I would have been really upset, too (honestly, these days, I'm finding it harder and harder to feel happy for anyone who gets pregnant.)

I really believe it will happen for you, though.  As you know, 35 is young around here, and 4 months of trying is still well within the normal, pre-go-see-an-RE realm.  Hang in there!

URMySunshine77

I'm sorry that this triggered such pain and sadness for you. I would have felt the same way in your situation. I hope that you will keep your hope alive. Giant hug to you.

spartandawg

Don't be hard on yourself.  These are totally normal feelings - don't fight them, just have them.  Then move on b/c there is plenty of time and no reason at all to give up.

rspalding001

You are only human, dont beat yourself up for having those kinds of feelings. You still have plenty of time!!! Treat yourself to something extra nice today and try not to worry about it too much. Hugs!

KirstenAlecia

this sadly is an all too familiar feeling among many ladies here. Hugs and i hope it gets better. 

MySallyGirl

Aww man that's rough. I'm sorry. I think it's totally normal to feel jealous. Someone at work got pregnant who wasn't even trying and a cousin who wasn't either. I had similar feelings!

Nikolie93

Please don't feel bad, you're feelings are justified right now. I'm so sorry, there are so many triggers out there and they suck *hug*

MsJazzy73

No apologies needed! I certainly understand, as most if not all of the women in here, that feeling of jealousy when someone else "pops up" pregnant! I know I do!

I'm SO sorry about your loss and the feelings seeing his hand on her stomach caused too! 

>:D<

wvarn

Hugs. Sorry your having to go through these feelings, they suck, but really don't feel bad for the jealousy or self pity. I know we all have those days.

thirtyninetoforty

I agree, don't feel bad...we all feel it.  ((HUGS))

wannabmama23

Big hugs!

sonpetitlapin

Thank you so much ladies.  You guys are awesome.  I never thought I would get caught up like this.  It took me by surprise.  Seeing women pregnant or with new LO it would cause a pang in my heart.  But I would keep it moving.  That is what I do.  

I think it is a combination of things. I am getting really caught up in my feelings lately as my due date is approaching fast and the pangs of not feeling baby in me (I always loved being pregnant) and the fact there will be no baby come Jan 14 (would actually be closer to the first of the year).  Then the close intimate act of his hand on your stomach, one I shared for a short couple of weeks and should be sharing right now.  

My pregnancy was a surprise. But now that I want it so bad, I get caught up feeling cause I want it really bad I won't have it.  I just need to get out of my feelings.

kelley72

Feelings are feelings, all are valid and undoubtedly will change.  Be kind to yourself.  My hope is you are wrong in that you are very much big and 35wks+.  

Jenniferk08

b0710 said:

So sorry for your loss. I think your feelings though are completely normal. I know just this week on FB I've seen 6 pregnancy announcements on some Christmas themed picture. It stings a little each time. I realize I'm just sensitive to it because I want to be pregnant myself, but it seems like the announcements are everywhere, in addition to the handful of pregnant women I know right now, and those that have just had LOs. It doesn't mean that we aren't happy for those people,

I feel the same. One friend who posted recently is due a few days after I would've been. Sometimes I think FB was invented by the devil to torture people. All I see are pregnancy announcements. And friends asking of ways to announce at the Christmas party.

To the OP as long as there are doctors and you have breath it is not over yet. Try not to give up hope.
Praying for the new year we all get the BFP We are hoping for.

sonpetitlapin

Thank you!