Communicating with In-Laws - Who and How Often? — The Bump
July 2015 Moms

Communicating with In-Laws - Who and How Often?

jd7615jd7615
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edited December 2014 in July 2015 Moms
While not exactly a pregnancy problem, this question is triggered by the new baby. How often do you personally talk to your in laws (mother, father, siblings)? My MIL calls me daily and also speaks with my husband directly every day (sometimes multiple times). I've never been a phone person and don't even talk to my own family that much. Am I wrong to assume that in laws don't need to keep up with both me and my husband this often? Perhaps part of the issue is I'm TIRED of talking baby baby baby all day, everyday.
Ashelee13mandmlala

Re: Communicating with In-Laws - Who and How Often?

  • Wow that's a lot of communication! I talk to my ILs 1/month or even less. Lol
  • Here's what we do, but know that my MIL is a narcissist and we have to be very self-preserving in our communication schedule so I don't really have advice on what is normal.

    We are long distance, so we skype instead of call the majority of the time. We skype once or twice a month. When we first got married and moved, the ILs wanted to skype once a week, but we weaned them off of that to where we are now. Phone calls are only in case of birthdays or scheduling travel for the most part.

    I'd go nuts talking to her every day. I don't skype with my family much more often, but I call them more. I talk to my mom at least once a week, but more since getting pregnant.

    You could try telling her you're not up for talking today, need rest, or say you're busy and offer to talk tomorrow or two days after to take some control of the situation.
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  • Flashy said:

    My MIL calls or texts if she has a question or needs to tell me something about a family get together (time/location) When we are together, we have nice conversation, but we never call or text "just to talk". I love the woman but she can be a little overbearing sometimes. I like that we have a good relationship with each other, but if we were any closer, I'm not sure how good it would be.

    Yep, this exactly. I don't talk on the phone to very many people anyways, but I definitely don't just chat with MIL
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  • jd7615jd7615
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    edited December 2014
    Don't get me wrong... I LOVE my in-laws and know that I'm very lucky to have such a good family that I married into. I just feel like they want me to be this super involved, chat with them daily kind of daughter and that's not who I am... with my family or theirs.
  • I'm lucky. I got a fantastic MIL whom I can talk to like one of my best friends. That said, we talk somewhere around once a week. I can't imagine dealing with phone calls from ANYONE on a daily basis.
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  • My husband talks to MIL 1-2x/wk. I only talk to her in person or the occasional text. This is our first baby though, I imagine I'll be texting lots of baby pictures once July rolls around.
  • We live literally 2 minutes down the road. In the beginning of our marriage and then again when dd was born they were at our house constantly! They had no boundaries so we had to put some in place. It hurt their feelings but we needed space. They still call a couple times a day but typically to talk to dh. I don't have too much interaction (but we also have a rough history). Do what you need to do :)
  • Mostly my DH communicates with his parents but they'll often text or email me with questions or just to say hi. We pretty much never talk on the phone. We visit them at least once/month so we chat then. I like them both very much and we get along great, luckily.


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  • I wish I had a better relationship with my MIL. She's an extremely anxious person who wants everyone else to be anxious and panicking along with her, which I can't handle. Everything is cause for concern. Her daughter (my SIL) is expecting their first grandchild in March and I've had to comfort MIL more than SIL. When DH and I were first married she wanted to call several times a week before DH had a come to Jesus with her. She and my FIL now live in Indonesia so with the time difference and work schedule we're only "able" to communicate every once in a while, so we Skype two or three times a month.
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  • I talk with my mom multiple times a day, and text with my dad a few times a day as well. I don't think I have ever talked with my FIL on a phone lol, and MIL only calls if she needs something...and I like it that way lol. My mom never calls my DH unless she needs something directly from him, same with my dad. In regards to my siblings in law we speak a lot, as we all belong to the same group of friends. :-)
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  • We are lucky to see them twice a year. It used to be about twice a year when they lived 2 hrs from my family, but since they've moved the opposite direction it has not even been once every year. They don't call me unless they can't reach DH or something happens regarding grandparents. They call DH a few times a year. My MIL and I do keep up on facebook (as I do with many relatives). We don't have a bad relationship, I just don't think DH's family talks as much as mine...that and we got together after he moved away, and all his siblings live further.

    However, for DH with my family, he gets it very different. My parents still live ~7 hrs away, but in my territory for work so I see them once a month usually. We also keep up with my aunt and uncles family quite a bit. He probably sees someone from his in laws about every 3 mos or so - and the closest relatives are 3 hrs away! I talk regularly with my parents and uncle, only my uncle calls DH, but not often. My little sister snapchats DH multiple times a day...it's adorable :)
  • My inlaws are great. I feel very lucky. I don't talk on the phone unless necessary, I just hate it. But my mil and I text often, not every day though. My FIL is nice, but we don't have that much in common, so we don't text/talk much. They live about 45 min away and we see them 2-3 times a month probably. We are probably going to move closer to them in the next year or so, which will be nice for babysitters, but hopefully not make our relationship change.

    That said, I couldn't talk to anyone in depth everyday like that. My mom and I text a little at least every other day, and that's enough.
  • My ILs hate me. They are selfish, arrogant people I feel uncomfortable around. Before we got married DH called them to ask a seating chart question. They ended up going off about me, not knowing I was in ear shot.

    I make a point to not be around much when they talk. They live far away anyway. Now with Dd here, they want to FaceTime every week. We call maybe every 2 weeks. It's strained and fake.
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  • My MIL hardly speaks English, so I see her about once a week when we get together for dinner, but I never talk to her outside of that.
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  • Wow that's a lot! We speak to my in laws once a week via Skype and that's it but they aren't very social type people. Not sure how you could go about speaking to them less? Maybe be less available, I dunno that's tricky.
  • edited December 2014
    3timemom said:

    I basically don't. We go visit my FIL and SMIL every few months and I talk to them when we go. I have literally never had them call me to talk and I've never called them to just talk. I don't even really do that with my own mom though. They don't talk to my husband very often either.


    This is us in a nutshell. Nobody in my family is really big on talking on the phone just for the sake of talking on the phone. Luckily H's family is the same.
    ETA: Except I see my MIL more often than every few months since we only live 20 minutes away from her.

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  • When MIL was alive we rarely talked to her...until our children were born. After kids, I had to visit her once, usually twice, a week but, we still talked on the phone only rarely. MIL only cared about the kids.

    On the other hand, my mom calls AT LEAST once a day, 3 times is typical. I get so sick of it. I also see her once a week. My mom is alone and clearly very lonely.
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  • I've known my in laws since before DH and I evem started dating. Now it feels awkward to talk to them. I still like them. He gets along great with them. It's just...feels like I took her son away from her. :(
  • My fiancé talks to his parents all the time. I am not a phone person. So I don't lol. I text his mom all the time. But no talking ha. I made an exception the weekend we got engaged haha
  • I talk to my MIL once or twice a week on the phone, in addition to weekly family dinners with them. I think it's great to catch up with them. Since DH works with his dad, they talk a lot more. I like having a close extended family- they're a great support system, help us out when and if we need(like remodeling our house) and we never mind helping them out. I've always though that you marry into the family- not just marry your Spouse.
  • The only people I actually like talking on the phone with are my mom and sister. My mom and I talk usually once a day - I spend my lunch hour walking and usually chat with her for most of it and I Gchat with my sister everyday and talk on the phone every few days.

    My MIL and I literally have nothing in common so we don't talk much unless we're visiting - a few texts here and there or I'll talk when she's on speaker in the car. She talks to DH probably 2-3 times a week, usually while he's commuting. I think it's about to he same with my FIL. I'm sure once the baby is here there will be more face timing and texting, but I like how it is for now. There's no way I'd be picking up the phone to chat with her everyday.
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  • That is too much. If I get a call or text from ILs while DH is home, I tell him, so he can respond. If he's not home, I may reply to a text, but I do not answer phone calls. Its one of those "if you give them an inch" relationships, so I have to make it clear that they can't just get a hold of us when ever they feel like it. They are nosey people.
     
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  • I talk to my MIL about every 2-3 weeks
  • DH talks to one or both of his parents probably 3-4 x a week, sometimes more. I talk to them probably 1-2x a week. Sometimes just a text. They like to Skype with my daughter since they live out of state. I definitely talk to them more since DD was born. DH probably talks to them less.
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  • I wish I had a better relationship with my MIL. She's an extremely anxious person who wants everyone else to be anxious and panicking along with her, which I can't handle. Everything is cause for concern. Her daughter (my SIL) is expecting their first grandchild in March and I've had to comfort MIL more than SIL. When DH and I were first married she wanted to call several times a week before DH had a come to Jesus with her. She and my FIL now live in Indonesia so with the time difference and work schedule we're only "able" to communicate every once in a while, so we Skype two or three times a month.
    loveandlignin, my family by marriage is from Indo, too! Just a rare coincidence I don't see too often. :)

    To answer the question, I rarely talk on the phone with MIL, but we text every so often, or I'll be on speaker phone every now and then with DH and her.
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  • I love my MIL. We've always been quite close, she's actually my boss! I don't see her through work unless I go into the office (I'm a support worker and work at my clients home) but me and partner are often around visiting or for dinner.
  • We email, call, or text back and forth sometimes and we see each other quite a bit. I love my MIL she is awesome and is like my 2nd mom. Dh talks to his parents a few times a week, we see them a lot though since they live close. Like some weekdays and every weekend.
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  • If she calls you everyday and you don't want to talk everyday just don't answer everytime.

    I talk to MIL on the phone maybe 1-2x/month, and it's usually because she can't get a hold of H. Sometimes I know she's only calling because he didn't answer and I don't answer. Also sometimes i just don't feel like talking to her so I don't answer. H does the same thing with her, but he talks to her probably 1-2x/week. He talks to FIL a couple times a year maybe.

    My parents I talk to daily, and my mom usually multiple times a day. We also FaceTime a couple times a week so they can see DS. We live 12 hours away from both of our families so we only see them a few times a year. My parents we see more because they come down here to visit as well, where MIL it's only when we go there. I've only met FIL once in 6 years and it was at our wedding.
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  • My husband and I live far away from our families. My husband talks to my MIL on the phone maybe once every 3 months or so, but I don't. I talk to her when I see her, which is usually once a year. I've met her maybe 10 times in my entire life so my in-laws feel like strangers to me, not family. 
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  • My MIL will call about once a week and talk to dh or I, I will be honest I just avoid the calls til she reaches DH if he is working or something.  I hate talking on the phone since its all I do at work all day!!

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  • Mil calls me once a month probably. When my first DD was born they weren't in her life at all her first 2 yrs. They didn't see her or us. Then I had my second DD and it changed a little. They don't ask for them and I Dont mention them. We go over once or twice with DH but that's it. It awkward after 5 years still!
  • Too often. DH talks to her daily, if not multiple times a day. I don't as often. It's an interesting relationship. Think Everybody Loves Raymond-- I'll leave it at that. 

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  • I don't talk to my IL's unless we are face to face & even then it can be hard. His Dad & I have very little in common (which is weird because I love sports & he is clueless about them.) H's mom died in June, but I never had a good relationship with her, she had a lot of issues, I'll leave it at that. I had always wanted to marry into a family & feel like I was gaining a new family. That's not how it worked.

    I had to put up boundaries, I took backlash from H for doing so, but it's what I needed to do for my sanity. His sister also has issues & is volitle (she has wished me dead a few times, and for that reason she will not be a part of baby's life.) Moral of the story, if things are happening with his family (or yours) that you are not ok with, you need to set boundaries that YOU are comfortable with.

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  • I know this is old but my in laws want to FaceTime once a week too. Very strained and irritating. My 18 month old doesn’t even like talking on the phone. 
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