Looking for a birth partner

mdupon70997

I'm interested in hypnobirth (Mongan method) and I know that I can't rely on DH to be my birth partner/natural birth advocate/voice of encouragement, partially because he believes in the "you don't have to be a martyr" way of doing things and partially because he will give in to my requests for meds if they occur. I'm thinking of asking my very good friend to be my birth partner. She and I both have a lot of the same views on labor and child birth and I think that she is someone I could really look to for encouragement during labor. However she has three children (three and under), works full time as a teacher, is a wife, has a sick father, and in general just has a busy life. Because of these things I would understand of she said no. I'm worried that if I do ask her and she agrees I will upset my mom. I know she'd like to be a big part of the birth if possible. But she wouldn't be able to go to classes with me and she'd give in to my requests for meds in a second. Any advice?

Mama-Bear

You could look into a doula experienced in your pain management technique.  If I go pain-med free I'm interested in Hypnobabies and I'm considering getting a doula with experience in Hypnobabies.

KaLyanDale

A doula is a great option. But you also have to know that the hypnosis class will teach whoever is your birth partner how to advocate for you. What to say when you beg for meds to help encourage you to go on, how to support you, and how to physically take part in the experience in helping with pain management. If you think your husband still won't take it seriously then you need to talk to your mom. It sounds like it would be pretty hard for your friend to be there but maybe you could just talk to her about your dilemma and see if she has insight? Your mom would be a good option if she could just take the class with you idk though it really sounds like a doula is going to be your best option and the awesome thing about dpula's is they are trained to help your husband know what to do to be a part of it and they will instruct him throughout labor in what you need or what would be good for you so that he stays invilved in a positive and supportive way. It can really help to make it a bonding experience for those couples who aren't quite on the same page as far as what they want out of the whole experience. Please at least look into this option!

sschwege

Hypnobirthing has opportunities for the birth partner to be involved, but a lot of it is just going within yourself.  Honestly, DH didn't really do much in terms of a Hypno perspective, but played the supporting role, rubbed my back, poured water over my stomach, got me water, etc.  In fact, with my second I labored alone in our bedroom until I told him I wanted to go to the hospital and when we arrived I was complete.  So I think the program can successfully done without much coaching support, at least that was my experience. 

My instructor would allow you to bring two support people to the class, so perhaps that's an option?  As pp said, I think a doula may be your best bet!

mdupon70997

Thanks for the advice. I thought at first about hiring a doula. But DH already sees the classes as being expensive. And hiring a doula would just add to the dollar signs. He thinks it's silly to be in pain if you don't have to be, and doesn't really subscribe to the theory that pain and fear don't have to accompany child birth. Maybe I could read the book and use the CD's and swap taking the classes for hiring a doula instead.

sschwege

mdupon70997 said:

Thanks for the advice. I thought at first about hiring a doula. But DH already sees the classes as being expensive. And hiring a doula would just add to the dollar signs. He thinks it's silly to be in pain if you don't have to be, and doesn't really subscribe to the theory that pain and fear don't have to accompany child birth. Maybe I could read the book and use the CD's and swap taking the classes for hiring a doula instead.

You might check to see if there is a student doula who could work with you.  They will typically work for free or a reduced price for experience.  Or check with your hospital, some have volunteer doulas. 

Also see if perhaps you could buy Hypnobabies used, it's not the same course but a similar idea and it's a home-study course.

mdupon70997

My friend (the one I was thinking of asking to be birth partner) have me the hypnobirthing book and cd. But I never thought of a student doula!