not sure how to be supportive

christieb27

I have a friend who is around 6/7 weeks now. She has some bleeding and is currently waiting for a u/s later today. I know she is looking to me for support because I have been through a loss and I am currently pregnant. I want to be there for her but I feel guilty for currently having a healthy pregnancy and do not know what to say. So far I have told her she is welcome to talk to me about how she is feeling all day if she needs too, but my feed back sucks when she asks questions!

When I went through my own miscarriage I didn't tell anyone other than my mom and husband, so I really didn't have any conversations about it.

I  just want her to be okay!

christieb27

Thank you- I will definitely stay honest! 

littlecookie

Just be there and listen and let her know you care and are thinking of her. I hope everything is ok!

LimaD

When I went through my MC, I had a SIL who had recently been through the same thing and it was so healing talking with her. She didn't give me advice, and I didn't want or need advice. She just listened, talked about her loss, etc. It was nice being able to talk about our babies together. When I tried talking with other people they either tried to cheer me up (impossible and usually hurtful) or would get uncomfortable and change the subject. It's still that way, so I don't talk about it unless someone else starts the convo. 

If she loses her baby, just be there for her. She may want to hear what your feelings/thoughts were so she knows she's not alone. Until then, all you can really do is tell her how sorry you are for what she's going through and that you are hoping/praying for everything to be okay.

What types of questions are you having difficulty answering, if you don't mind me asking? Is she asking you medical things or about your own experiences?

christieb27

She is reading every article she can find about what may be causing the bleeding and asking what I think it could possibly be. I understand the need to dive into research- I have no way of knowing what the cause is. I don't know for my own loss!

shoff2

I think it's important to try to keep her hopes up since she's unsure what could be causing the bleeding. Sometimes bleeding is nothing and other times it could be a sign of losing the baby. Just being there for her is a big thing even if you can't answer her questions. I'm praying for your friend!

MichelleKirkpatrick

My thoughts and feelings echo that of most PP's and that is simply listening.  Having gone through a MC myself, I know it helped to vent to some close ladies in my life.  Also, letting her know that anything can happen.  She still doesn't know what is going on quite yet, so keeping hopes high, yet being realistic about all outcomes helped me.  So many go on from MC to a healthy pregnancy, so there is hope.  Happy thoughts her way, and to you.

2ndTimeMommyA

You sound like a great friend for being so concerned! If she reached out to you (sounds like she did?) she probably wants you to listen and be there for her. It's possible that she may be jealous of your healthy pregnancy, but I'm sure right now she's focused on her health and her baby's health more than that. I agree with PP's to just be there and listen.

I actually had a similar situation recently, my cousin's wife confided in me that she is pregnant and had bleeding around 6/7 weeks. She's had miscarriages. I am pregnant (obviously!), but didn't think that jealousy might be a factor because she reached out to me for help. I told her light spotting might be normal after sex or an exam (and I'm sure there are many other reasons) but to call her doctor. She went in for bloodwork and all was fine. 

I hope things work out for your friend! Prayers and hugs

nykkybaby

I think I would try to convince her to try not to do research online until the doctors can tell her more. Seeing the horrific and traumatic stories Dr. Google offers probably will not help her situation. My only thought is possibly her progesterone is low, or that she may have a subchorionic hemorrhage (if it is not a MC. FX) I believe her doctors will find those if that is the case.

I encourage you to just be an open ear. You don't have to have the answers. Just having someone who knows the pain is really the best you can be. Nothing you say will take it all away, so don't try and save her heart. As you know, that will take time if it is the worst case scenario.