Invited to the last thing I want to go to right now... (Pregnancy mentioned. Not mine.)

pinkdoggie

So my KU 19 year old cousin in having her baby shower on Saturday. I really, really don't want to go because A. It's painful for me to go to baby showers at this time. B. She is the most annoying pregnant person on earth, she wants to make sure EVERYONE knows just how cute her baby bump is. C. She whined to me for months before her pregnancy that she couldn't get pregnant and would call me crying (because she knew I was ttc at the same time as her. Also she tried for a total of 3 months before freaking out). Now she doesn't so much as send me a text back when I text her about something because she's so "busy" getting ready for the baby. 

Anyway, my whole family pretty much expects me to be there and has been emailing me, saying how "excited" they are to see me. I haven't said I'm going to go (in fact I told my aunt I wasn't) and I got treated like some kind of monster. I know I'm just going to sit there and be miserable the whole time. Anyway, advice? What would you do in this situation? Thanks ladies  

BunnyBerry

I'm so sorry you're in this situation. I'm especially sorry that all these family members are so insensitive to your needs! I almost wonder if it would have been easier to RSVP yes only to come down with a horrendous, explosive flu that morning? I can only imagine that your meanie cousin is the one behind everyone making a big deal about whether you come.

I would probably go to prevent any reason for people to talk, and then feel crummy. But that's terrible advice. Are you out about IF yet? Perhaps a well-placed "after 3 years of TTC and a medical diagnosis of infertility, it is just too painful right now, especially near the holidays, to be around a baby shower with so many references to little ones" said to a couple gossipy family members?

SND1231

I totally understand where you are coming from. I have about 5 friends that are pregnant and I simply tell them that I have other obligations and bring them a present later on. I have decided that I have to do what is best for me at the time and right now baby showers are horrible on me so I just don't go. It is definitely harder with family. Maybe just try to talk to them or do what someone else said "suddenly get sick". Sorry you are feeling down right now.. ((hugs)

pinkdoggie

@BunnyBerry and @amlrunner I am thinking that sickness is my only option and I'll just let everyone be suspicious. I am sort of "out" about our fertility problem in the sense that everyone knows we were trying a few years back. So I'll probably get either "It's your turn next!" from some dumb aunt who doesn't know, or the "oh isn't it sad she isn't pregnant yet?" looks from people. Grrrr.

@BlueFairy5 that's a good way to look at it. That no one will really care in the end if I'm there or not. I still feel like I'll get the cold shoulder, but I guess I shouldnt care. They're my family no matter what  lol.

@LLM100811 - I am so sorry you have to go through that. I'm lucky I didn't have to plan it, I can't imagine! And to have her naming her child something you wanted seems like an nail in the coffin. *Hugs* to you.

Thanks everyone who has responded so far. I really mean it when I say I don't know what I'd do without you all. I probably would have just gone and been miserable. (Obviously I'm kind of a pushover when it comes to people). 

moto611

I wouldn't go. I've never understood why people act like one person's presence will make or break the party. What if you actually did get the flu that day? The shower would go on, right? Everyone would probably manage to have an okay time? So they can do that even if your "flu" is more emotional than physical. That's my two cents

katers79

I was totally on board for the fake illness until I read @iPutKetchupOnKetchup‌ 's response. It's perfect and just jabby enough.

eener817

So sorry you are in this situation. Like a lot of previous posters said, just be sick that day! Or if you are comfortable tell the truth. But migraines, flus, diarrhea, etc. are unavoidable!

I can tell you from experience, don't push yourself if you aren't comfortable. The last baby shower I went to required 2 xanax and a bottle and a half of wine. And it still took me several days to get over. I really regret going because I had doubts from the beginning. We are all very emotionally fragile right now and we have to take care of ourselves. Life will go on for everyone if you aren't there.

I hope you are able to make the best decision for you!

pinkdoggie

@Fightersince83 - Thank you! I'm sorry that you had to go through that...since ttc I have been able to dodge every baby shower so far so I still don't know really what my emotional reaction would be. I imagine something like that. 

juneroses

Take care of yourself. I like the flu idea - no one can prove you weren't sick, an they have no right to insist you have to be there regardless of anything else you may have going on in your life. Good luck!

chealsyl

I understand also I have 2 friends and an aunt in her forties that are pregnant. I normally say I can't get out of work or I don't feel well. I understand the family pressure too. I missed my aunts first baby shower just over a year ago mainly because, I didn't want the questions of when am I going to have a baby. Luckily my mom knows my situation even though she doesn't understand it. She is my buffer and covers for me. Find that neutral family member who can buffer for you. If all else fails being sick the day prior works well.