DH/SO not so involved :(

liliarra · December 2014

I feel like I'm going thru this lovely pregnancy all by myself. My SO not only isn't really involved but stresses and worries me a lot. Which only then adds more worry for why I stress and worry

hetispagetti · December 2014

I'm sorry your going through this....but I think you should talk it over with them! Not good for either you, the baby and your relationship!

Alygohome · December 2014

What isn't he involved in? My hubs was away working from 8-22 weeks and during that time there really wasn't anything for him to be involved in. Is he not wanting to help you pick things out? Discuss names? Go to appointments (FYI my hubs only came to my 30 week one so far)? This might change my answer.

Unknown · December 2014

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taahira · December 2014

ladycersei said:
What is it that you need him to be involved in right now?

I second this.

estefyp4 · December 2014

While there are some men out there that want to be there holding your hair while you puke and have strong feelings about hearing the heartbeat or seeing ultra sounds there are some men that just aren't into all the cutesy stuff while your pregnant .. there is a saying ' a woman becomes a mother the instant she knows she's pregnant a man becomes a father the moment he sees his child' in my experience this has totally been the truth my H really wasn't too into my first pregnancy and is being kind of the same with this one although once our son was born the H has been great- they play together and nap and as our son has gotten older the more and better they seem to interact. Now 5 months into the second pregnancy and the H is there for the most part but he works 12hr days and I know he's tired too.. you really just have to talk to him -calmly and respectfully- we pregnant women can get pretty emotional ,, so just practice what you want to say to him and even anticipate questions he may ask like. what is it you really want him involved in,, Good Luck!!

mwerren · December 2014

Most men are totally baffled by pregnancy and he's likely scared shitless. Talk to him. I sat my husband down early on and explained to him the things I need his help with and he's been great ever since. Communication is key. Good luck!

mambono5 · December 2014

I feel your pain this was a very unexpected pregnancy for my SO and I (I've been pregnant pretty much since we first got together) he is nervous about having a baby as he and I both have one other child from previous relationships. It's hard and pretty much devastating feeling like you're alone, and it hurts when all you want is him simply to stand by you at an appointment, or maybe give suggestions about names...anything. If your SO is anything like mine he probably acts like the pregnancy isn't even happening, and while it sucks for us, men react to stress and change differently from us. I'm sure he will come around, just try not to force anything on him, that can be frustrating and lead to fighting and that's the last thing you'll wanna do. I hope everything gets better for you. Feel free to pm me if you'd like to talk.

liliarra · January 2015

Tnx ladies for your responses.

liliarra · January 2015

I know. thank you for your kind words> Im trying so hard & i know i need to be everything for my baby.

vintagemom42 · January 2015

I hardly comment on posts.... but this hits close to home. It sounds hard and scary...m but you're better doing it on your own. All that emotional turmoil is not got for you or for the baby. And if you're going to stay to get that treatment once the baby is born. ... Hello post- partum depression. You don't need that. Wish you the best.

ruemorgan · January 2015

I agree theres not much your dh/so can do. And if hes a FTD i dont doubt that hes scared shitless or/and is completely clueless. Im 30w and my dh (ftd) is just now in the last few weeks beginning to show interest and worry less.

monkeybutt61612 · January 2015

Having a baby is not going to change him, in fact, he will likely get worse. Get out while you can

kacdanz · January 2015

I don't want to upset you but it is it possible his affections are somewhere else? Could he be cheating? My experiences with a man being this cold to me was because he was a cheating man. I didn't know it at the time and couldn't make sense of it then but he was always so angry and cold because his affections were somewhere else. Sounds silly but it's very difficult being a liar and a cheat and the constant of having to be somewhere when you should be done where else etc. can just put you in a shitty mood.

Empireceo · January 2015

He does sound like a jerk. But "belly cuddles" creeps me out.

fatcat11188 · January 2015

Talk to you DH. We can't do much to help you through a computer. Find out the root cause of his distance and find a solution. I am sorry your going through that, it must suck but communication is key.