Sunday Confessions

2MamazInSeattle

It's been a while since we last had a confessions thread. Got anything you need to unload? Drop it off here at the LGBT CyberConfessional!

2MamazInSeattle

So I had this fantasy of the perfect baby Christmas photo. I just randomly chose a time when S was in a favorable mood and we went for it! I set up a neutral-colored textured blanket as the backdrop, plugged in a string of colored lights and put S in a onsie my sister gave me for our first baby, and I'd held onto ever since. It was kind of special to me. That same sister made S two knitted Christmas hats, so all together I had my prpos in order!

J is a great photographer and has studied/done some professional work, etc. She stopped working to shoot the pictures. We did a significant batch with one of the hats and the onsie (saving that pic as it was ultimately our Christmas card), then I switched her to hat #2 and white bottoms, no shirt. This was the result of that 2nd outfit:



We swapped hats for outfit #3, still with just bottoms on. It was then that I saw red dots and splotches on her torso and chest and realized THE LIGHTS WERE BURNING HER (lightly, mind you, but still). #selfishmom Here was the result of that portion of the shoot, you can see the splotches if you look closely enough! Ug!



She wasn't phased but we felt terrible when we realized how hot the lights were!!!

Officerofthelaw

Such a cute baby!
My confessional... Why do people have to behave so badly on Sundays!!! For some reasons Sundays are the busiest at work. I get that people are at home all day with one another but if you can't get along, why be together? We work more domestics on Sundays than any other day. Granted I have a job and I'm thankful, I just wish people could be nice to each other:) that is my rant!

ball.and.chain

Neither my wife nor I felt that bad letting B CIO. I know so many parents (dads included) who reported crying themselves...we were totally fine. We feel a little bit like monsters.

Karlamo

ball.and.chain said:

Neither my wife nor I felt that bad letting B CIO. I know so many parents (dads included) who reported crying themselves...we were totally fine. We feel a little bit like monsters.

What time can we drop R off tonight? You'll sleep train him for us, right?

ball.and.chain

Karlamo said:

What time can we drop R off tonight? You'll sleep train him for us, right?

The more, the merrier!

singingmua

This confession makes me feel like a total ungrateful and entitled so and so... But it's what I'm feeling, so I'll just say it....

We had our baby shower yesterday and we had a great time. The friends and family who were present were truly happy for us and everyone got along great.

The problem: very few people actually purchased things off of our registry. And I'm more than a little upset about it. First of all, we took the time to create a registry at 3 different places (BuyBuy Baby because it's closer to us and is our preferred store, BRU because its a more convenient location for many of our guests, and Amazon for some hard to find things like cloth diapers and a couple lgbt children's books).

2 or 3 people bought us packages of disposable diapers which we didn't want at all, and most everyone else just bought random stuff from target or carters, etc. The sucky part is that not only is some of stuff that we don't really want (though most of it is adorable and we'll be keeping it), since it was purchased from places we didn't register, we can't return it for things that we actually did register for from either BBB or BRU.

I feel like the worst person in the world for being so grumpy about it, but I am and it sucks....

FSBC

@singingmua‌ my DW have had this premonition re our baby shower (have not had one yet). I've been to so many baby showers, I know that most of the time people don't go off a registry for gifts. They see it as their opportunity to buy something "cute" for a baby or just something THEY think you need. I totally understand feeling grumpy about it. Now I'm grumpy for you! lol

Esquette

Confessions: I'm a grown-ass woman, and Let It Go makes me cry.

Also, I resist bedtime like a toddler.  (Okay, no screaming and tantrums, but sometimes I want to stomp around a little.) 

Oh, and I think for the past few years, whenever we befriend a male-type-person, I secretly evaluate their potential as a KD. 

doodah1013

I'll play!

I am beyond pissed my parents haven't bought anything for Hayden... Not a single onesie... Last week they bought a new Cadillac and I about lost my sh*t.

I sometimes hope Hayden doesn't get here until after the 17th so I can go see the last Hobbit movie... But I also want her to be here right now!

If my parents don't make it to the hospital I won't be upset because then we don't have to argue over which set of grandparents meet the baby first. I really want A's parents to meet her first, but it would do permanent damage to my relationship with my parents if we made that choice.

I think that is it... For now!

rkbo

My confession: I want to steal Jenn's Christmas card idea above! So freakin adorable!!!!

ball.and.chain

Forget sleep consultants, I could make bank if I just sleep-trained people's kids for them!

Jazibel

Okay - I feel so terrible for this one, but I am soooooo mad and frustrated with my brother & sister-in-law right now.  We had plans to get everyone together on EV's side of the family on Sunday and Sunday morning they flaked. I had called my brother-in-law on Friday night for a little heart to heart after some other antics and explained my thoughts and feelings (and even got choked up - something I NEVER do). I asked openly for feedback, we had a great talk, he was open and honest too - it was nice.  

Basically we invited them into our lives to participate in Kaden's birth. (My sister-in-law had even asked to be present since she was studying to be a Physcian's Assistant and was curious. Besides because of health reasons they thought they wouldn't get to experience a natural birth so this was their opportunity).  Anyway it was great to have them participate, and to have them close to us in the days that followed. Similarly they participated in Owen's birth as well. And now their son is born and I have seen him once for 5 minutes. EV once for 20 minutes.  It really sucks. I want to support them, and be there for them during this time, and from what my brother-in-law says they could use it, since most people just want to hold a baby and talk, and not "help". 

I could go on. But basically my sister-in-law is crazy. And my brother-in-law is trapped though he doesn't agree with her choices/decisions. And they are spending a ton of time with her girl-friends and family and have not once accepted our offers of help or participation.  And to my own credit I am respectful of their bonding time and offered to just drop things off, no baby visits, etc.  One of the big reasons is my sister-in-laws fears of our un-vaccinated children. Although she is having adults visit that were not vaccinated.  But even offers of help that doesn't involve the kids (I can only respect her decision) are not being accepted.

I had really begun to like our relationship with them up until this point.  I hope that we can work though this.  Right now I'm mad, sad and I feel deliberately cut out, and it makes me rethink their desire to be involved with our kids.  Anyway it sucks to feel this way. EV and I keep talking it through and trying to be in the solution. I don't want my "hurt feelings" to ruin a family relationship.

KH826

So, I am going to jump on the BIL bandwagon today... mine is also being difficult, and he and J had a bit of an argument yesterday. (Warning: This is a long one!)

So, a little backstory: we have all always been close, my in-laws, J & myself, and my BIL and his wife. My BIL's wife is actually a close friend. Or she was, but we have drifted recently a bit (sort of the whole busy separate lives thing, but I don't know...)... anyway, a year ago my BIL and his wife bought a house 1 mile away from my in-laws' house, in the town they both grow up in. It happens to be across the street from my SIL's sister's house (she is married with three kids), and about 5 minutes away from my SIL's mother. My SIL has become seemingly obsessed with seeing and spending time with her family since moving so close to them. I might add that she babysits her niece every Monday, has standing dinner dates with her mother at least once a week, and spends at least one weekend day every week with her family. Well, over the course of the last year, we have been seeing less and less of them (my BIL and his wife), and it is always because they have other plans with her family. OK, fine... we are understanding people. She seems to have a high maintenance relationship with her family and an intense need to see them A LOT, and my wife's family is just much more laid back, so we all go with the flow.

OK, onto the issue from yesterday... we had made plans 6 weeks ago to spend the day next Saturday in Philly with my in-laws and my BIL and his wife. We made reservations for lunch, and then the plan was to go to Macy's (they turn the 3rd floor of the center city Macy's into a Christmas Village and have light shows every hour on the hour). Then, depending on how everything felt and weather, we might walk down to City Hall where they have another outdoor Christmas Village with vendors and other fun things. We planned this literally 6 weeks ago, and everyone was in, and we were really excited to do these particular activities with Will for his first Christmas. Well, we saw my in-laws and BIL and his wife yesterday an Brunch with Santa (it was at the country club that my in-laws belong to, about 5 mins from their house)... at the end of brunch, we were saying goodbye, and J said "see you guys next Saturday"... and my BIL basically said they actually think they aren't going to be able to make it anymore. The reasoning: his wife wants to go to an ugly sweater Christmas party with her coworkers that starts at 6pm Saturday night (our plans were for 12pm, by the way). My wife got mad and she and her brother exchanged some words, and that was that...

Well I talked to my MIL about all of this earlier today because she was upset about the whole thing... she said that my SIL has been crying to my BIL about spending too much time with us and not enough time with her family (which is so ridiculous, because she sees her family -- that lives across the street and 5 mins away -- several times a week). Apparently, my BIL just wants to keep his wife happy, so he is willing to cancel plans with his family on a whim if that is what she wants. The kicker, they aren't cancelling with us so that she can spend time with her family, they are cancelling with us so they can go to a work Christmas party 6 hours later. Basically my SIL feels she has met her quota in terms of doing things with us this Holiday season, and she doesn't want to have more events with us than with her own family, so she wanted to cancel. My BIL rattled off all the things that they have done with us lately (we met at my in-laws' house for lunch the weekend before Thanksgiving, we went out to dinner the Monday night before Thanksgiving to celebrate Will's adoption, Brunch yesterday, and we also invited them to our house for Christmas Eve dinner). Please note that all of these activities other than Christmas Eve dinner at our house have been 5-10 mins from their house and an hour away from us. We travel to them 95% of the time without complaint, and we are the ones with the 6 month old. They have been to our house 2 times since we had William, and both times we invited them. We have only gotten together since we had William when WE initiated the plans. They have not invited us to anything, made any attempt to make plans or extended themselves in anyway. They both seem to totally love Will when they see him, but they don't seem to have any urgency or desire to see him unless we are planning get-togethers and we are traveling to them.

Anyway, my wife is upset for two reasons... 1) we had these plans for 6 weeks; 2) they are canceling for no reason. To sit at home and rest up for their ugly sweater party. The real reasoning seems to be b/c they are keeping score about how often they see us v. SIL's fam, and they have reached their quota with us.

This is all just so weird and unexpected because we have all been so close for so long.

Also, I will add that I invited SIL's mother to join us for Christmas Eve dinner at my house as well. She is divorced and I feared didn't have plans, so I didn't want that to be a deterrent from my BIL & SIL joining us. Plus she is a sweet lady, so why not. It's Christmas. Literally, the more the merrier.

My wife is upset, and I am trying to downplay it in hopes that it will smooth over more quickly... but I am upset to. The vibe for the last 6-12 months with my BIL and his wife has just felt weird. It is just hurtful because the timing couldn't be worse. You only have your first child once. Your first child only experiences his/her first of everything one time. We want our family to be involved and close, etc. We have always thought of my BIL as the strongest male role model in Will's (and our future children) life. It is just sad to see them drift away and it is hard to not have hurt feelings...

Not sure this is a confession as much of a rant, but there seemed to be a Brother in Law trend happening, and I could relate! Thanks for indulging that novel...

KH826

@twomomsinTX - Total agreed with what others have said. Sending you hugs and support!  

ATXmommas

@TwoMomsInTX‌ - I'm sorry your friend has been so insensitive! Hugs to you.

I guess it's about time I add my IL drama to this list. I'll come back this evening to elaborate.

CageyMack

Here's my Monday Confession:

I'm super anxious about the baby shower that our church wants to throw for DW.

Here is what I'm nervous about:

• DW will hate it.
• People will think we are being gift grabby (because it is not our first baby)
• That it will be poorly attended.
• That there will be silly games that are obnoxious for everyone.
• That it will be hard to schedule and/or the host will be wishy-washy about planning and I'll have to do it, which will feel wrong.

Okay.  That feels a little better.  The man who offered to throw it is a nice guy, so that is good, but it just ripples with potential for awkwardness.  I know it is silly to be anxious about.  

Thanks. Sigh.

YBnormal85

I had to try really hard not to be upset with DW after I asked her multiple times to back my cell phone pics up on her computer /external hard drive as technology and I don't mix and then my phone proceed to completely die unexpectedly and I lost all of my pregnancy /baby pics.So depressing. I do post some on fb but certainly not everything. It's also my fault of course for not knowing how to back them up myself, but ugh I wish she had just done it after I asked so many times..

2brides

ball.and.chain said:

Neither my wife nor I felt that bad letting B CIO. I know so many parents (dads included) who reported crying themselves...we were totally fine. We feel a little bit like monsters.

Didn't phase me either.

ATXmommas

Flygirl1228 said:

Par @ATXmommas‌ request and to call out @TwoMomsInTX‌. We were talking about roombas in the parenting thread. They wanted to know my roomab's name. I was too embarrassed to say but I'll confess it here. Plus, I want to know twomomsintx name for her roomba. So, here it goes....it's so lesbian of me but it is Xena. When we got the roomba, it was on our wedding and my lovely mother spilled the beans about how obsessed I was with Xena.....ok still am! My in-law-family found it hysterical and decided to call roomba Xena. It has stuck ever since.

Haha! I LOVE it!

YBnormal85

@Flygirl1228‌ thanks...it's still so upsetting. I've been going through old fb messages with friends and I did find a few pics,one being my first positive pregnancy test :-)

redrockmama

@YBnormal85‌ this happened to me to right before M was born. I lost tons of pics, the ones in most sad about are time with my step mom.

redrockmama

Bah, the 2nd part of my post disappeared.

@Flygirl1228‌ no need to be embarrassed, our dog's name is Xena because my wife is/was obsessed with Xena. The funniest thing is that she will only come to the sound that Xena yells out. Imagine that at the dog park.

trisholio

I know I'm a few days late, but that's my life

My confession is that we sent M and K on respite.  The bad part is that instead of just a weekend we asked the foster mom to keep them almost a week.  It has been heaven!!!  Don't get me wrong, I love them both to death.  But having three kids is so stressful!  Having just Adalyn the last few days has been a breeze!   She is def not sleeping thru the night, but I am able to nap during the day with her and not worry about the other girls taking their nap too.  My wife and I have been able to get so much stuff done around the house and have actual conversations, it has been great.  I feel bad for not missing them more.

Karlamo

 

 

stringy813 said:

I never thought about how different/hard it would be to be a 2-mom family.  Some of our hardest times are because we are both very involved and kind of assume the traditional (primary caregiver) mom role.  It gets really hard when we both have different ideas about how we should do things or handle situations - ie. sleep training, sick kid, general toddler behavior management, screen time.  I realize that the best bet would be to talk it out and make a plan - but it just never seems to work.

+1

 

Here is my confession.  2 weeks ago I went in for FET blood work and had to take R with me.  Right when I got there he had a major poop mishap, the one where it goes up to their shoulders.  I had to change him in the back seat of the car which could have been an Amazing Race challenge.  As the phlebotomist was pulling up my sleeve she looked at my wrist and said "what's that?". I looked down and saw poop all over my wrist.  If there had been a thought bubble coming off of her head, it would have read something like, "And she wants another kid???"

 

 

 

Karlamo

stringy813 said:

Karlamo said:

 

 

stringy813 said:

I never thought about how different/hard it would be to be a 2-mom family.  Some of our hardest times are because we are both very involved and kind of assume the traditional (primary caregiver) mom role.  It gets really hard when we both have different ideas about how we should do things or handle situations - ie. sleep training, sick kid, general toddler behavior management, screen time.  I realize that the best bet would be to talk it out and make a plan - but it just never seems to work.

+1

 

Here is my confession.  2 weeks ago I went in for FET blood work and had to take R with me.  Right when I got there he had a major poop mishap, the one where it goes up to their shoulders.  I had to change him in the back seat of the car which could have been an Amazing Race challenge.  As the phlebotomist was pulling up my sleeve she looked at my wrist and said "what's that?". I looked down and saw poop all over my wrist.  If there had been a thought bubble coming off of her head, it would have read something like, "And she wants another kid???"

 

 

 

Def laughed out loud for this one.  Good luck tomorrow!

If this FET doesn't work, and I start talking about putting 2 back in the next time; please remind me of this confession.

StacyLH24

I have been jealous of our friend who had twin boys about two months ago and not because she just had babies.  Since C is only working two days a week right now, she has been spending a lot of time helping this friend and she constantly tells me how much she loves these little boys.  I love them a lot as well and love going there to spend time with them.  I'm envious and feel bad that C loves these boys so much (and the friend's older daughter as well) but that she doesn't have a child of our own to love like this. 

ATXmommas

This thread just became a little light (yay!) and I hate to bring it down again. I've alluded to my IL drama a time or two, but never explained because honestly it's very sad for me to think about.  As of late, things have been a little better, so I hope we’ve turned a corner for the better.  This is a (super) long story…

Many of you know the circumstances surrounding the loss of our first pregnancy in August 2012 and I don't want to rehash it here.  It was, of course, extremely devastating and the particular circumstances left me traumatized to an extent.  It was just a really, dark difficult time in my life. 

I knew that my brother and SIL were planning on becoming pregnant with their fourth child soon and I anticipated it happening.  I recall talking to the therapist I was seeing at the time about it.  I found out about 6 weeks after our loss that my SIL was pregnant again.  It proved to be a huge trigger for me and sent me into a tailspin.  I acknowledge that it wasn’t totally rational, but I just couldn’t bring myself to talk to my brother or SIL.  I was rational enough to know that nothing was being done “to me” and that their lives couldn’t stop because mine had AND I would never wish what I went through on anyone, but I just couldn’t bring myself to share in the pregnancy.  I truly felt incapable of being happy/excited for them when they were experiencing something for the fourth time that I lost in such a horrendous way.  I chose not to travel to MS that year for Christmas.  When I became pregnant, I had imagined being 32 weeks pregnant at Christmas time.  I just could not imagine being there – no baby – and be around her and her growing belly.  This was all about self-preservation.  If I had felt the least bit capable, I would have gone.  I wrote my brother a long email explaining as best I could what I was going through – letting him know that I loved him, my SIL, and all of their children and that my actions were all about my own sadness and loss and nothing about how I felt about them.  He responded letting me know that he was sad, that he missed talking to me, but that he understood.

Fast forward to May 2013.  I traveled to MS for my little sister's high school graduation.  My niece was born two weeks before my visit, and I was about 14 weeks pregnant with Ash.  I texted my brother and SIL a day before my niece was born (she had a scheduled induction) to say I love you and to let them know that I was thinking about them.  It was a huge step for me at the time.  When I first saw my SIL right before the graduation ceremony, she was wearing my niece. I gave her a hug and kissed the baby's head.  Later on in the day, though, I noticed that my SIL was avoiding me.  I brought it up to my mother and it came out that my SIL was really upset with me.  Now, I understand why my SIL would be hurt, but I also couldn't comprehend why she couldn't put herself in my shoes for a moment to realize how I must have felt.  While I was sorry that I hurt her, I did not (and still don’t) feel apologetic for the way I needed to take care of myself.  I honestly felt like I was in survival mode and doing the only thing I knew how to survive and felt no obligation to be the bigger person.  Maybe it sounds whiney, but I felt that since I was the one that experienced the tragedy, if one of us needed to be the bigger person it could have been her.  During that trip, I did end up texting her, letting her know that I knew she was hurt and expressed a desire to get together to talk.  So, we did.  It was an extremely emotional, but seemingly productive conversation.  We let each other know how we felt - she told me that she was hurt that I didn't let her be there for me - that as a mother, she wanted to offer her support during my difficult time.  She felt that more so than anyone else in my family, she could relate to what I was going through (which I don’t necessarily agree with).  I let her know that my actions had nothing to do with how I felt about her or my niece, it was that I was so incredibly damaged by my experience that I needed to do what I needed to take care of myself.  By the time I returned to Austin, I felt good about things.

Over the next few months, I emailed and texted her and my brother occasionally (we don't normally communicate terribly often - with three kid and two full time jobs, they didn't have a lot of time just to chat; it's just been the way it is for the past few years with them).  Eventually November 2013 rolls around and I have Ash.  I hear from my brother, but not my SIL.  After a few weeks I started putting things together and asked my mom if my SIL was upset with me again.  My mom gave me some vague answer, but basically told me yes.  I received some really vague answers about why - like my SIL says she called me on my birthday (in October) and I never called her back.  I have no recollection of her calling and I checked the voicemails on my phone and didn't see a voicemail from her.  If she did call and I didn't call her back, it certainly wasn't intentional.  And, I didn't call my nephew on his birthday (he turned 2 that year).  I'm 100% certain that I didn't call my older two nephews on their second birthday either.  Those were the only two things that anybody could tell me about why she was upset with me. 

We didn't travel to MS for Christmas that year either because Ash was so little, but I did plan a trip home to visit family that February. Before my trip, I texted my brother and SIL and let them know the dates I was coming and let them know that I was excited to see them.  No response from SIL.  I knew she was upset, but I just decided that I would communicate with them normally - just to give her the impression that everything was ok on my end.  When I was in MS, there was one day that I had expected my brother's family to be around - we were hanging out at my dad's house.  It started getting later in the day, so my stepbrother texted my brother or SIL and I think it was my SIL who texted back and said that they had never planned to come over.  So, I texted my brother and SIL with a message - first thanking them for a gift for Ash that they had left for us at my mom's house and then letting them know that I was disappointed that I wouldn't see them that day, but hoped to see them soon.  My SIL texted back - "I'm so happy that you like the gift.  We were never planning on going over today.  We're really busy, so we won't be able to see you during this visit.   Guess we'll talk to you next year."  That's almost verbatim.  I basically just burst out in tears.  During that week long trip, I saw my brother once for about 30 minutes (they literally live 5 minutes away from my mom’s house where I was staying).  I didn't get to see my nephews or my niece, which also means that Ash didn’t get to meet his cousins (or his aunt).  I was completely heartbroken.  I made no further attempts to contact my SIL.  During all this, I found out that my SIL did not believe that I actually picked out/bought the presents I sent her kids for Christmas and realized that she did not send us their family Christmas card - I saw one of my mom's fridge and realized that we didn't get one.

Nobody in my family could really explain to me what I had done to make her be so hateful to me.  My brother was really upset with her.  She basically forbid him to come see me at my mom’s house, but he did end up coming that one evening for a short visit.  Over the next few months, I had some really difficult conversations with my mom and sister.  I asked them to be really honest with me about things.  Part of my frustration is that I was so blindsided with how bad things had gotten. 

The next time I went home was in August 2014 for my grandmother's funeral.   Part of the trip was overshadowed by my anxiety of dealing with the SIL situation.  At that point, I was just so angry with my SIL.  I was most angry at the fact that she denied my son the chance to meet his cousins or spend much time at all with my brother (and she didn’t want to meet him either).  These kids have nothing to do with why she was angry with me, and I felt so angry that she would make decisions that impacted our kids so directly.

After a couple days there, I receive a text from my SIL saying that she was willing to move past things if I was. I texted her back and let her know that I thought we should speak, but that I also wanted to move past it because her family is really important to me.  I later found out that she told my mom and sister that she only sent me that text because it was important to my brother.  I ended up seeing her and the kids the next day when a lot of the family congregated at my grandmother's house.  She didn't say a word to me, nor I to her.  It was extremely awkward and I felt like no real progress had been made.


Since then little things have happened that make me think things are moving in the right direction - I've made certain to make a big deal out of the kids' birthdays, she ended up texting me on my birthday - just a simple, "Happy Birthday!" but I saw that it was a big effort from her.  We texted one other time about some fundraising effort my nephews asked me to help them with.  That's been it.

Anyway, earlier in the year, I was fairly certain that I would not travel to MS during Christmas because of all this.  My last three trips to MS have been so emotionally draining that I just didn't deal with it again, especially over the holidays.  Things have felt okay enough recently that I decided we would go - I really want Ash to have the opportunity to get to know his uncle and cousins - and even my SIL if she's up for it.  I think the thing that really angered me is that she would take out any anger she had for me on our kids.  To deny them the opportunity to spend time together just killed me. I really hope this year is a different experience.

Besides being incredibly sad, there is a big part of me that is really embarrassed by all this.  I don't want drama with anyone, much less my family.  I mean, this is just not how my family acts.  It all came out of left field.   I never in a million years would have thought something like this would happen.  And, I’m a nice person!  Far, far from perfect, but I’m caring and sensitive and love my family more than anything.  I still struggle over this - I feel like I'm being punished for the way I needed to grieve our loss and that makes me so angry.  I'm really trying to let go of my anger with my SIL and am sincerely open to moving past everything.  Fingers crossed that everything goes smoothly during our trip this year.

If you read all this nonsense, kudos to you.

StacyLH24

@ATXMommas - Family dynamics are hard, especially with in laws I have found.  I think you did the right thing by taking care of yourself during that time.  It's hard to not get caught up in family drama, even if you're not used to it.  C's family is very different from mine in almost every way.  I stress over it a lot and get caught up in the drama a lot - it is exhausting and stressful and a whole lot of nonsense.  I think you are doing all of the right things and have done all of the right things.  I hope that your trip goes well this year.  Remember though, you cannot control how others react and feel.  You only have control over your own emotions and reactions.  You can do all of the nicest things in the world, and your SIL may still harbor negative (unjustified IMO) feelings.  You can't make her stop, but you can be assured that you've done everything you can. 

KH826

@ATXmommas - I am so sorry you have had to deal with that with your SIL. In my opinion, there is no excuse for her behavior. You are family and you were dealing with immense heartbreak in your life. It is/was entirely your decision how you needed to grieve and move forward in your life, and she should have been respectful and understanding. To allow her own hurt feelings to dominate your family dynamic for years is just selfish and immature. I also get what you mean about being embarrassed because unnecessary drama like this is not your way... that's really hard. It is hard to feel like you do all you can to just treat everyone well and be kind and thoughtful and then not have that reciprocated when you need it most. Big hugs to you! I hope your upcoming trip to MS is better.

ATXmommas

You all are amazing. Thank you for your support and kind words. I like to think that im self-reflective and mature enough to recognize when I behave badly and am more than willing to offer an apology when one is warranted. I just keep racking my brain trying to figure out what I did wrong and I come up empty every time. Thanks for helping me not feel delusional. I really appreciate your understanding. Hugs to you all!