feeling like a single mom; my husband is on deployment

dping8885

I am 26 weeks pregnant and I feel like I'm a single mom. My husband and I have a 4 year old and my husband is deployed with the military and we don't know his exact return date. I have emailed him photos of me and ultrasound pictures. I have even tried to keep him up to date on when I have doctor's appointments and what they say. I have been sick since the day we found out I am pregnant. I have also been admitted to the hospital twice for dehydration. As much as I have tried to keep him in the loop as to what is going on I still feel like he doesn't care because when I do get a chance to talk to him he never wants to talk about the baby. How can i get him to talk about the baby more?

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caligal07

First off, thank you for your husband's service to our country. I can't imagine how hard it must be to feel like you are going through this alone. A part of me thinks maybe your husband feels guilty that he can't be there with you and that is the reason it is hard for him to talk about the baby.

I also agree with Bliss+Berry that men deal with it differently because it isn't their bodies. My husband was happy when I got my BFP but he didn't really seem to get all that excited until my little bump started developing. I'm sure your husband is excited about your growing family. I think you should continue to share and keep him involved as you have been. Good luck and hoping he can come back soon!

punkrocklove01

I was in the military for 5 years and did two seven month deployments. I didn't have children at the time, but everyone I was with did, to include a few who's wives were pregnant at the time. It's not that he isn't excited about the baby, I bet he talks about it every chance he gets, but he's distracted by work. Being deployed can be pretty stressful and I'm sure it doesn't help that he's so far away while you're pregnant. I would bring up your concerns with him the next chance you get, but bring it up in a casual way. He may get defensive if you make it sound like he doesn't care as he's probably already on edge. Maybe after your next appointment, tell him about it and then ask what he thinks or ask what color hair/eyes he thinks the baby has. If he doesn't want to talk about it, then I'd ask why, but give him the opportunity talk about the baby first.

Just hang in there, I guarantee when he gets home he's going to be so excited! If you need to talk, you can always pm me!

Alygohome

My husband was gone until 22 weeks and like you I was very sick and hospitalized twice, I can't imagine doing it with a four year old. It was hard enough with the fur babies. Is there anyone who can help you out? I wouldn't have made it without help.
I agree with pp that he is probably distracted with work

nyboojen

Im a little flipped, Im pregnant and overseas, and my husband is in the states in a civilian job; and even when I go back to the States I am going to be stationed in the West Coast and he will remain in the East Coast.This is our first child and sometimes I feel just like you, almost like he is not interested. But just like everyone says, men handle it differently. We carry the baby and think about it nonstop, they dont; I am sure he is super excited, but remember he has hundreds of things running through his mind, deployments are hard, and he knows if something was wrong with you or the baby, you would tell him. Enjoy the time you get to communicate and don't worry about what he isn't saying. Just enjoy yourself and let him worry about what he is doing right now. When he gets back remember to give him time to readjust to being home, deployment is a completely different mindset and it will take time for him to get back to a normal schedule, especially if it was an exceptionally difficult deployment, but slowly and surely he will get to your level. 

caseymo86

Hi there! 

I'm 21 weeks pregnant with my first child and my husband is also deployed. We found out I was pregnant in August, he left in September and should be back around April which is when I'm due. I know exactly what you mean when you feel alone. I send my husband photos and updates and all he says is "cute" or some other one worded response. I think in our situation it's difficult for both parties. Because our men have this extra burden of being far away from us and not being able to help. They also are not able to go through the experience personally so they really don't know what to expect (this is what I think from just being first time parents, it may be a little different since ya'll already have a child.) When I feel like I want my husband to talk more about the baby...I'll just ask him questions. I try not to push too much because I know he's going through something I can't understand as well. All I can do is just update him, tell him my concerns and let things flow. I hope you can find a balance. My balance is having my sister and mother around me while he's gone.

nutterswifey88

You're so far away from being alone in your situation. Hell, last pregnancy, I was in your situation. Just keep on doing what you're doing and maybe send little nudges of encouragement for participation towards his way. Good luck honey.

staciecoffey

dping8885 said:

I am 26 weeks pregnant and I feel like I'm a single mom. My husband and I have a 4 year old and my husband is deployed with the military and we don't know his exact return date. I have emailed him photos of me and ultrasound pictures. I have even tried to keep him up to date on when I have doctor's appointments and what they say. I have been sick since the day we found out I am pregnant. I have also been admitted to the hospital twice for dehydration. As much as I have tried to keep him in the loop as to what is going on I still feel like he doesn't care because when I do get a chance to talk to him he never wants to talk about the baby. How can i get him to talk about the baby more?

Thank you, first off for being an amazing military wife and thank your husband for his service. My husband isn't the most talkative about the pregnancy and it's our first. Eventually I got fed up enough and told him I just needed him to be supportive because I've been freaking out and stressed beyond all means. He's since started taking more interest in it and even asking what is new with the baby. Maybe your hubby just needs to see how much it bothers you that he's not very responsive and how important his encouragement is to you.

kcave21

My husband will be leaving as well for deployment very soon and I am not so excited about it...we also have a 2yr old who for some reason is throwing the most horrible fits I have ever seen...not so fun!! If you need someone to talk to just let me know. I am very sorry you are going through this but also remember he is also dealing with some crazy stuff I am sure on his end. The first time my hubby deployed he worked 7-12's so it was rough!! Hoping this time goes a little better for him!! Praying for you and your family