Not SAIF related. To move or not to move to be close to family?

KDR1979

We live in central Cincinnati. We live in a great school district and can be just about anywhere in the city in 20-25 minutes or less. We love the location of our house. We also have a decent, usable yard with a swingset. Our house is about 30 years old and needs a lot of remodeling. To do our kitchen will cost ~$50K b/c we would tear down a load bearing wall to open the space up. Our basement is also unfinished and on our list to do. Housing is expensive in our current area. To get a newer house with a little more space, we would have to double what we spent on our current house (not happening)!  We moved here to be close to my job (but have since gotten a new job) and to be in between our families. My husband grew up on the west side of Cincinnati (known for Catholic, close-knit families). His entire family is within 5-20 minutes of each other, because no one really leaves the west side.  My husband graduated from a well-known private boys high school and so did his dad , brother, cousins and his grandpa. They have a lot of great family traditions. My family is in the county to the east of Cincinnati. It is way too far away from anything. My parents and sister still live out there and can't even get a pizza delivered when they live (in the country!). My family also already thinks we live too far away and almost NEVER visits spontaneously...b/c we are "too far away." They think we should move closer to them.

Now, we have 2 year old twins and live nowhere near family. I work 2 days/week. My husband works 10-11 hour days Mon-Friday. It is terrible to be here with no family nearby. My in-laws are 30 minutes away, my parents are 40 minutes away. We've always known that if we were to pick a side, we would pick the west side. My family is a little dysfunctional. My husband's family is SO much more supportive and positive. We are now really considering moving to the west side. If we do, our kids would go to Catholic school (adds $$ since we're in a good school district now).

It is such a hard decision. If we move, my husbands drive to work would be the same (or possibly better depending on which suburb), my drive would be 45 minutes each way (but only 2 days/week) and it would guarantee paying for private elementary school. But, I feel like we would see our family and friends more b/c we would be so much closer.

What would you do?!?

jesselayne8

I live in Cincinnati too!! If you like the school district, I probably wouldn't move. We just moved this summer only 2 miles but into a better school district. It still kinda makes me sick we paid double the price for the same amount of house and we now have zero back yard. It's hard for me to understand 30-40 min being far away since my family is 12hrs aways and DH's family is 6hrs away.

If they were watching your kids while you worked then maybe it would make sense to move. I just can't stomach paying for 13 yrs of private school before college when there are amazing public schools. Both DH and I went to public school so maybe that is also affecting my view point.

Ruthie04

I would probably stay. A great neighborhood and fabulous schools trumps the more frequent family visits- for me, anyway. Plus, private school tuition is too much of a burden for us (but, like @jesselayne8‌, we went to amazing public schools and I'm sure it shades my perception of private school). Unless it's creating a huge child care issue for you, the benefit just doesn't outweigh the cons in my book.

But, if I'm being very honest, I don't get how 30-40 minutes is considered a long drive in a metropolitan area. In my entire career, I've never had a commute under 45 minutes and I drive that to go to the mall or attend various events all the time with two two year olds. I don't understand how your families think that is too far for grandchild visits. And, to drive that with no kids in the car- easy!! I'd drive double that to play with my nieces and nephews (and we did before BIL's fam moved away!). Sounds like a perfect distance to me- close enough to help or visit, but far enough not to be in each other's business. But, to be fair, our families live 1500 miles away and only visit 1-2x/ year, so it's hard for me to see life another way.

I'm probably not the best person to ask, but those are my thoughts. HTH!

KDR1979

My mom/dad/sister seriously think 28 miles/40 minutes is too far to just visit (even though they will only ever have 4 grandkids- my twins and my single mom sister's kids that are 7 & 11).  My mom will occasionally come by if she is out in this area for a haircut or to go to Trader Joes, but even then, it is usually not convenient for her to stop by. If I ask her to watch the twins for ~  2 hours for me to tour a preschool or go to the doctor, she will do it...RELUCTANTLY and has sometimes even asked me for gas money! My parents ARE financially stable, retired, still living on savings and haven't touched their retirement accounts. My mom is very stingy.

My in-laws still work full time.

My in-laws will willingly come visit us on the weekends and will also baby sit for us on the weekends EVEN THOUGH they still work full time. My mom would never give up a weekend night to baby sit my kids. She does help my sister with her kids a ton. My sister lives 2 miles away...in a house that my parents own and "rents" from them. My sister has never had to pay for a babysitter EVER in her life.

The real problem is that my family is a dysfunctional, selfish mess and we really SHOULD limit the time we spend with them b/c they are so negative. If it weren't for my dad and my sister's kids, we would probably rarely talk to my mom or sister. Every holiday, family gathering, birthday...my husband and I are dragging our toddlers out to cater to everyone else's convenience.

I am so over it. Thanksgiving weekend really showed how normal and nice my husband's family is and how awful my family can be.

My husband & I go back and forth on Catholic school...even living in a good school district. It is very common for kids to go to private school in Cincinnati. Especially for West side Catholics.  We change our minds a lot, but if we stay here...we would probably send them to the public school K-8 and then a private all girl and all boy high school.

amandaleigh1

My perspective is that you already live pretty close to all your family. I wouldn't move. But I live thousands of miles form my family, so 30 minutes is like a bad 5 mile commute in boston.

Mrs.AmyDylan

How connected are you to your community/friends where you currently live? I think leaving your home, friends, central location and awesome (free) public schools to lean exclusively on his family is super risky. 

If they aren't making much effort when you are 30min away, I don't know that I would bet a big move on their spending more time with your family. 

Can you do a "trial run" and make a commitment to go visit them once a weekend for a month or so to see if it is even something you would enjoy?

KDR1979

Our friends are not close to us. A lot of our friends/husband's cousins are on the west side, so moving would put us closer to them. Since I grew up on the east side, my best friend is only about 10 minutes away from my parents, so 30-40 minutes away from our current house. My best friend is a full time teacher though with 4 children (ages 8, 4, 3 and 1.5), so we are not able to see each other much as it is. I currently work two 10 hour days/week.  Another good friend of mine is actually on the west side, so moving would put us closer to her too .I have a friend in Portland, OR and another friend in Germany. I have always had just a few, really great friends. Some of my husband's friends have branched out of the west side and are scattered throughout Cincinnati...but no body is within 10 minutes of us now. We are alone here.

We already see my husband's family almost every weekend. I think if we lived closer, we would be able to see them 1-2 times during the week as well. We really love my husband's brother, wife and their 2 daughters (ages 6 and 10) too. They live in White Oak and their kids go to the private school there. My mother in law actually works at that private school, so she can help with our nieces when needed (ie-drive them home from school). My SIL and I have talked about if we moved within 10 minutes of each other and how nice it would be to drop in for dinner or drop off our kids at each other's houses if we need to run an errand or something like that.

Where we live now is a considered a great area of Cincinnati, housing is expensive, great school system (Sycamore Schools), decent yard, average house. Our house is ~28-30 years old and is in need of remodeling. The quote that we got on the kitchen was $50K! To finish the basement with a bathroom will cost $30K or more. Our kid's bedrooms are only 9'9" by 11'3" here. The 4th bedroom is even smaller than that. We could buy a newer, bigger house near my brother in law for the same price that we paid for our current house (not what we would end up spending if we do the kitchen, windows, basement, etc). There is currently a 15 year old,  5 bedroom, 2.5 bath house with a study, flat yard & open floor plan near my BIL...it is listed for $20K more than we paid for this house.

What worries us the most is resale and housing value. If we stay where we are, this house will go up in value. If we stuck a for sale sign in the yard, it would probably sell in a few days (just because of location). We are worried that if we spend ~$300K on a house near my BIL, that it won't increase in value much over the next 20-25 years.

This is a really hard decision for us! We really want to be closer to family, but really don't know if it is worth leaving this area.

Thanks for all of your opinions, I do appreciate it.

mcgeeva

If commute was the same for work and you could be close to your in-laws I would 100% do it. I would do anything to be close to family if I could afford to do so and have the same job. But not in the cards. Also if you move is sending the kids to catholic school affordable? That would be the last deciding factor for me. If I could afford it working those two days a week that is a no brainer. Good luck!

mcgeeva

I feel like with the housing market it is all up in the air. If your house sells fast due to area ask for a bit more to make it worth your while. When we bought our house last year we hoped it would be a forever home but you never know. If you move you wouldn't have to worry about dishing out all that money up front to remodel. 

amd1982

i appreciate your situation having a set of 2 year old twins myself - our IL live 10 min away and my parents 25 min (and my parents are considering moving closer since they feel they want to be within 10-15 min so we can spontaneously come over). Honestly, I don't know what we'd do without family especially with having a 4 month old. I appreciate family traditions as well, and it seems as if your husband's side has a lot of them which is really nice to pass along to your children. It's definitely a toss up, as you live in a good school district. But I can also appreciate your questioning all the remodels as my DH and I are doing the same thing right now: to move or not to move (but in the same relative area) so you need to add in all those costs to your life as well vs. paying for private school in a new town. Me personally? I grew up within 10 minutes of all my grandparents/aunts/uncles/cousins - I loved it. We had such a tight knit family and I feel it's really important to raise my children the same way. I know 30-40 minutes doesn't sound like a lot to those who live plane-rides away from their family, but I understand how sometimes (esp. with twins) it seems like 30-40 min might as well be! I would move if it wouldn't put too much stress on you and your family - I think it may be a lot of work but in the end you'll be super happy! GL with your decision!

KDR1979

@MrsLee04  What made you regret the move so much? My in-laws are bubbling over with excitement already that we are even considering moving closer. They live in a different west side suburb from my BIL and have already said that they would downsize to a small ranch to be closer to us and BIL if we do move!

I didn't grow up with my family only 5-20 minutes away, so I am still nervous...but we're looking at a house today that is only 2 miles away from my BIL and his family (we LOVE Them and their 2 girls-ages 6 & 10), 2 miles away from 3 of my husband's aunts and a 1st cousin with 2 kids (ages 4 and 9)!