Coping after late-term MC?(probably huge trigger alert, but I need help ladies!)

Negams45

Be prepared - this might be long. 9 years ago, I was a 20 year old with some issues.  I was in a highly abusive relationship, and conceived (unknowingly) after my boyfriend raped me. I was really depressed and drank a lot (now sober 8 years!). I was at a party and miscarried in the bathroom.  I had no idea what it was, but it was large-ish and I freaked and I flushed (a decision that haunts me to this day). On the way home the next morning, I got into a car accident and had to be put in an E collar and on a spine board.  They can't take you off until they Xray, and they won't Xray if you're pregnant.  Unable to move, this is how I found out I had been pregnant and the upsetting incident the night before had been a miscarriage. I had to get an u/s while still in the E-collar and on the spine board to confirm all by myself. The doctor told me at the time that he was guessing 5-5 1/2 months and said that my drinking would have been the reason baby was smaller than he normally would have been at that time. Obviously this is a long time ago and I've talked with professionals about it and, while I still feel very sad about it, I feel okay I think? Fast forward to today - married 3 years in a couple weeks and 6 weeks pregnant after making an effort this time and feeling ready for a family. Being pregnant now is all of a sudden bringing all sorts of sadness from this past MC with it and I have a feeling I might have a harder time with it as the pregnancy goes on (my doc agrees). So I'm looking for support and suggestions because I feel like talking to women who might understand would be more helpful than trying to work it out with a professional.  Maybe I'm wrong, who knows.  Hope you can help.

tlc35

I'm sorry for your previous loss, and no matter what the circumstances it is hard to deal with being PGAL.  You might check out the PGAL mantras sticky at the top of the page.
And welcome to the board.

footprint

Congrats and welcome! This board is filled with awesome, wise women. I hope you jump right in!

Everything surrounding your pregnancy and loss 9 years ago just seems completely traumatizing and I am sorry that you went through it. I would encourage you to at least be open to the possibility of speaking with a professional about any triggers you have with this pregnancy.

Congrats again!

Mom2anAngel2

I'm very sorry for your loss. Also congratulations on being sober for 8 years.

We lost our first son at 19 weeks. That delivery was very traumatic for us, and had definately affected us in the pregnancies we have had since that time. My anxiety is present throughout my pregnancies. I agree with PPs that the mantras (posted at the top of the page) can be helpful. Also, seeing a professional through the pregnancy can be helpful.

Wishing you a H&H 9 months.

jap618

I'm so sorry for your loss and previous experience. Congratulations on this pregnancy and welcome.

lcwed

Everyone has given you great advice. I just wanted to say I an sorry for your loss and hope that this pregnancy is your rainbow baby.

dianeg1017

Sorry to hear of your previous loss. We were all young once and choices take nothing away from the fact you suffered that loss. Glad you are in a better place and congrats on this pregnancy.