Bedtime routine

Vavavictoria

So DD is 10 weeks old and we still haven't really come up with a good bedtime routine yet. I always feel like I'm forcing things when I try to do one and we wind up spending forever trying to get her to go to bed. She has her mama's dry skin so baths are more of a every 3 days so that won't really work.

Do you feed and then start the routine or end with feeding or not feed at all...?

I'd love to hear what everyone else is doing so maybe we can figure this stuff out.

My pedi just told me to start letting her cry for 15 minutes when she wakes up during the night to get her to sleep longer and I'm not a fan of the idea. I feel like she is too young and I'd rather try as many other options as possible before doing anything like that (her longest is 4ish hours which I dont have a problem with but pedi thinks she needs to be sleeping longer intervals and that she is waking out of habit at 4 but should be doing 5 it 6). She is in the 90th percentile for height and weight so is doing fine as far as eating.

Long story short I'm wondering maybe if I get her on a better bedtime routine she will eventually figure herself out and when she really needs to sleep longer will do so. (sorry for the novel)

Vavavictoria

so @withagrainofsalt when she does wake up before the usual time, what clues you in to the fact that she doesn't need to eat? Whenever DD cries in the middle of the night her eyes aren't open and I'm wondering if it's exactly like you said and she just needs to be helped back to sleep rather than being hungry. I wouldn't mind doing that at all to help her sleep longer as opposed to letting her CIO (which i think is a horrible suggestion at this age and agree with you completely about the side eye to my pedi). 

Pinkmom19

10 weeks is way too young for CIO.  That said, unless your pedi explicitly said "cry", he may have meant "fuss".  Sometimes it takes FTMs awhile to really tune into real crying vs. making noise, little whimpers or half cries.  I would not get my baby for those.  A baby that wakes needs to get back to sleep.  She needs you to help her learn how to do this, it is not a habit at 10 weeks.  I read somewhere a long time ago that we wake about 6 times through the night.  Your baby might just make a little noise as she tries to resettle. If she can't, she'll full out cry. She needs you.  I agree with @withagrainofsalt, I would distrust your ped.

But in answer to your question, here's our routine with our 11week old.  Start quieting the house, dimming lights around 7. Every other day he gets a bath before this. MH and I separate, one takes the older kiddos, one takes the baby. Baby gets a bottle, we sit with him in a dim room on our glider talking or singing in low voices for 10-30 minutes, whatever he will tolerate before acting fussy. He has reflux so we shoot for 30 but it's usually less.  I read him Good Night Moon or Ten Sleepy Sheep, change his diaper and put him in a SwaddleMe. He is awake but clearly drowsy. He is put in his crib, given a pacifier and we kiss him and say goodnight and leave the room.  Oh, and there is white noise on in the background.  He usually spits out the paci within 2 minutes.  He is typically down by 8:00-8:15 and sleeps until 6-6:30. I know, we are lucky.

jht14

LO goes down between 8-9 every night. It's normally closer to 9. She gets a bath every other night. Our schedule for bath nights is: bottle, bath, diapering/dressing, then depending on how awake she is playing, then bed. On the other nights it is: diaper/sleeper, bottle, maybe playing, then bed.

She has a very specific bed time routine that really works for her. She rarely likes to be rocked or held to go to sleep at night. We put her in the crib with her binky, turn on the mobile and white noise, then turn off all the lights and she normally goes right to sleep. Sometimes she will lose her binky or need help getting to sleep. She's the complete opposite at naps where she wants to be cuddled the whole time. She sleeps until about 5am.

seamonkey0814

My LO is 13 weeks and I agree about no to "cry it out" but yes to "fuss it out". Since we stopped swaddling, LO wakes several times a night and wiggles, sucks his fingers etc. I let him soothe himself to sleep when possible but at this age if he actually starts crying, I go to him

Our bedtime routine is bath, pj's and sleep sac, nurse, rock to sleep. We've been doing this consistently since 6 weeks and he really "gets" bedtime now and goes to sleep very quickly.

If you'd like to increase sleep time though, you could try dream feeding which involves picking up LO and feeding while they sleep. DS goes to bed around 8:30 then I dream feed him at around 10:30 before I go to bed. It took a while to get into this since he is a deep sleeper so what I did was pay close attention to the monitor and when I saw him go into a lighter sleep phase, I would run in and nurse him then. It took a while but now he gets it and will nurse a little when I pick him up which means he doesn't wake for his first nighttime feed until 1 or 2 (he still eats every 3 hours at night).

herecomesthesun086

I was just about to post something very similar LO rolls now so can't swaddle her anymore which used to put her right to sleep these zipadeezips do da whatever sacks look like they are still too big for her I am so desperate to get a routine and transition her into her crib we can't do I bathe her every three days due to the dry skin issue... Tonight I was so desperate to get her to sleep in her crib that I took off my sweater and put in the crib with her and she's living it she's dozing off but I know that's dangerous to leave her unattended with it in there does anyone have any suggestions on something smaller that smells like me that I can put in the crib to help her sleep I don't know if any of you use something similar to help your LOs sleep actually for the idea from this board .... I'm standing in her doorway waiting for her to fall into deep sleep so I can steal my sweater back lol.... She looks so happy

purplestarz

Well I might not be the best example. We usually don't put LO to bed until 10-11pm, but it works for us and she sleeps until 7-8 am consistently.

Our routine is simple. we go into her room around 9 -10 or so, change her, Swaddle, turn on white noise, turn off all lights other than night light or twilight ladybug (stars on the ceiling light), sit in the rocker, and feed. Half the time she will fall asleep nursing and I can lay her in the crib and be done. Other times I rock her until she starts getting sleepy. She gets a bath every other night before we start this routine.

I find that even when I lay her down and she fusses for a few minutes she will eventually go to sleep. At first it was hard for me not to run in there as soon as she makes a noise, but she's gotten really good at settling down herself from fussiness. However, if she does start to actually cry I do go back and rock her for a couple minutes (I count to 100, then set her down. I don't know why but it helps me to know there's an "end" and I'm not stuck rocking her forever).

mana8503

We start at 8. Every other night we give her a bath. She gets night time lotion and pj's on. Depending on when her last feeding was, it's paci or I nurse her. Then we rock to sleep. She's usually asleep by 830-9. She used to fight sleep for the longest time but we kept up the routine and now it's rare she fights it.

I agree with fuss vs cry. If she fusses, I'll give her a few minutes to self soothe. She usually does with her hands. If not I'll get up and give her her paci. If she's wide eyed I'll get her, otherwise I wait a few more minutes. Sometimes she goes back to sleep, sometimes she fully wakes up and I feed her.

sprocketsngadgets

We try to get DD (12 weeks) to bed between 7:30 and 8. Our routine pretty much starts at 6 when we wake her up from her last nap. We found if we let her nap any later than that she wakes up every 2-3 hours. Anyway, she nurses when she gets up, then DH and I entertain her in her room until 7:15/7:30ish. This includes tummy time, rainforest gym, making silly faces and DH dancing around with her. Then it's bath time which she loves. No matter how angry she is from tummy time, bath is insta-smiles. Then it's pjs, nursing and into the crib where I swaddle her (she doesn't need it to sleep, but I think it keeps her a little warmer). Twilight turtle goes on, lights go off and she's out until about 3/4am. She's really good about self soothing so if she's fussing we give her 5min before we intervene.

doglover31

We start our routine about 7. He gets a bath every night. Then we put on pajamas and I feed him if it's time to eat. He normally is in bed by 8. He will normally sleep till 11 or 12 then is up every 2 1/2-3 hours after that. He is 13 weeks old so I'm hoping we will start to get longer stretches soon. However this week I started back to work so he has been waking up a lot more than normal.

HorseLover11

We start at 7pm with a bath and then start feeding her at 720/30 (DH gives a bottle of bm) and then she sleeps from 8-7 (were extremely lucky I know). We swaddle with just one arm as she loves to soothe herself with her thumb. I am a big believer in fussing it out (I had talked about cio before I believe but really meant fussing/light cry - I just hadn't heard the other term). We always put her to bed awake so she's good at going back to sleep on her own in the middle of the night. I think consistency is key and giving the baby a chance to settle and learning how they can do it themselves.

Vavavictoria

@doglover31‌ since your Lo is sleeping in such short spurts has your pedi said anything? I have always thought that while not getting long stretches of sleep sucks for mom, it's not a concern for the baby until 4 or 5 months plus until my pedi seemed bothered with mine at 2.5 months.

Pinkmom19

@herecomesthesun086‌, when LO was just a few weeks old, MH and I both took little loveys and slept with them inside our shirts for a few nights. We put them in the bassinet with him and didn't wash them for a couple weeks so he'd attach. We always put one in with him when he sleeps.

Stasi

We only do baths every 3 too. As a replacement, I take Ryan into the bathroom chenge his diaper, put on PJs and then wipe his face, neck and hands with a warm cloth to get the days "gunk" off...we also do lotion.

Stasi

...and we also aren't getting more than 4 hours or so at a stretch, so I don't think you're alone in that department.

Instead of letting her cry it out for any length of time, I would at least let her fuss in the MOTN to see if maybe she'll put herself back to sleep, instead of picking her up at the first noise she makes. Then, if she cranks up to crying go and get her....

knottie7ace63e861c80b99

This is what I do. And I breastfeed so if u don't I would end with the bottle.

8pm: breastfeed
8:30 (or whenever hes done eating): if hes asleep I wake him but if not we go get undressed and bathe him. He loves baths so I let him play till he seems done or the water seems cool. For dry skin do a baby lotion massage before the diaper or clothes. Get him dressed and then I go to my rocking chair. By now its about 9:15-9:30. I breastfeed him again till he falls asleep. Burp him. And then try to feed him again if hes still hungry. When he is done I put him up to my chest and rock, pat him, and sing. When hes good and asleep which is usually by 10 I put him in his crib and he doesn't even stir. He sleeps 4-6 hours straight then wakes to eat and sleeps another 3-4 hrs.

Vavavictoria

I've been trying to lay her in the crib somewhat drowsy and then give her the pacifier if she gets upset. It works better during the day with naps. She isn't much of a self soother though so at night when she wakes up and fusses it usually escalates to crying within a few minutes. That's another reason I don't think she is ready to cry for 15 minutes bc I'm pretty sure she will just get more and more upset. After sleeping in a rock n play for a week over Thanksgiving vacation she is also now not sleeping as well in her crib so that's adding to the fun.


Thanks for all the input so far. It is helpful to hear other people's routines and perspectives on the whole thing.

MLE_C2B

herecomesthesun086 said:

I was just about to post something very similar LO rolls now so can't swaddle her anymore which used to put her right to sleep these zipadeezips do da whatever sacks look like they are still too big for her I am so desperate to get a routine and transition her into her crib we can't do I bathe her every three days due to the dry skin issue... Tonight I was so desperate to get her to sleep in her crib that I took off my sweater and put in the crib with her and she's living it she's dozing off but I know that's dangerous to leave her unattended with it in there does anyone have any suggestions on something smaller that smells like me that I can put in the crib to help her sleep I don't know if any of you use something similar to help your LOs sleep actually for the idea from this board .... I'm standing in her doorway waiting for her to fall into deep sleep so I can steal my sweater back lol.... She looks so happy

I have these soft pads meant for catching spit up and sparing the crib sheets. You could sleep on one and give it to LO the next night. It's stiff and flat so I don't think it's a worry.
Edit:typo

RedBaramid

LO is still eating randomly.. but typically any feeding that happens between 8:30 and 9:30 is what we'd consider a bed time feeding.

We start early by knocking off all harsh lights at 7pm.  Then she gets her nighttime feeding as normal.  We let her have her play time after her feed with a book on her playmat and wait until it's been about 90 minutes since the start of her bedtime feeding.  Then she gets one last change and then swaddled.  At this point we walk into her bedroom with her and turn on her noise machine and projector(all other lights OFF), and rock her in the chair in there until she's sleepy/asleep. Then she goes down in the crib.  When we walk out we only go back in if she is fussing for more than 3 minutes at a time or starts to really cry.  We first just try to reassure her by rubbing her belly, giving back her paci but sometimes she's just not down with the crib (if we do this for more than 2 hours) we just let her sleep wherever she'll go down.  We really want this to come naturally.   I think maybe right now we have a 60% crib success rate.. but last night she did 7 hours in it so maybe things are looking up for us.

doglover31

@vavavictoria My ped hasn't said anything about him waking so much. I just think all babies are different. He has had a handful of nights that hes done a 6 hour stretch but they are very few and far in between. Last night he went down at 8:30, woke at 11:30 and ate, then again at 2:30, then at 6:30. So for us that was a good night. He has his 4 month appointment in the beginning of January so I plan on talking to him about it.

Vavavictoria

@doglover31 I think our babies are very similar. That is pretty much exactly what V did last night. And we have had a few 6 hour stretches too but they are definitely not the norm. Fingers crossed we both get some sleep someday whenever these kids are ready.

doglover31

@vavavictoria I hope he starts doing longer, he's such a little piggy he just likes to eat so who knows when he will drop all the late night feedings. But I have heard that every baby is different and some reach sleeping through the night at different times. I just hope I'm not the one with the baby that doesn't do that until they are 2.

Vavavictoria

@RedBaramid‌ when you put her down do you always give her a pacifier or will she go down without it?

Edited bc I didn't read your comment properly the first time.

RedBaramid

Vavavictoria said:

@RedBaramid‌ when you put her down do you always give her a pacifier or will she go down without it? Edited bc I didn't read your comment properly the first time.

She likes to have it when she goes down, but if she's really asleep or really ready to pass out she just spits it straight out.  Sometimes she'll fuss because she lost it and was still sucking herself to sleep and we have to slip in and slip it back to her mouth.

Ivorytower2

I try to keep her up (besides 10 minute catnaps) for about 2 hours before bed. We do lotion and leg/ foot massage, and PJs, and swaddle then feed her in dark with noise machine. She's generally sleeping or sleepy when I put her down. She sleeps at least 4-5 hours for her first stretch.

She occasionally takes a pacifier, but hasn't used one at bedtime in about a week. I agree with PP about fussing a little.DD sometimes grunts and shifts when I put her down, but once she gets comfortable she peaces out immediately.

pinklillies610

I start rocking/bouncing him at 745 and that quiets him down to be swaddled and in bed by 8. I don't feed him before I just allow him to follow his normal eating times. We get 3-4 sometimes 5-hour stretches. We followed this routine for weeks now and he's adjusted well. He starts to get tired at 730 now on his own.

JGuevara64

For my LO I try to make sure he naps regularly during the day because it helps with his nighttime routine. Especially if his last nap starts before 6/6:30. We give him his bath at around 7-7:15 then he has his last bottle of the day. He is usually out by 8. Then I Swaddle him in his crib. Sometimes he may wake up from me swaddling him..but then I just give him is pacifier and turn on his mobile. I can walk out of the room and he will put himself to sleep. Normally he will sleep from 8 to about 5:30/6. Some days he may wake up at 2 am. But I just change his diaper and feed him..he will go back to sleep and then he will wake up around 7