how to handle DH/parent fight

njbride0603

this morning my parents and my DH got into a fight....My DH was taking my 6 yr old DD to the bus stop...they were running late and he put her in the front seat of his car....he thinks b/c its just up the block its ok and I've told him before it doesn't matter how far she needs to go in her booster in the back seat. My mom saw this and when he came back home she told him he should have never put her in the back seat and how unsafe it was and basically followed him out the door saying these things. He started a new job this week and was rushing and on edge and had enough of my mom I guess and raised his voice and told her to back off and not tell him how to take care of his kids. My dad then raised his voice and told him to watch who he was talking to and then my mom called him an a-hole. This was all going on in front of our 2 year old as well. 

How would you handle this situation? My DH feels like they butt in too much and shouldn't be telling him what to do in his house. My mom could have handled it differently but was thinking about her grandchild's safety. This is not the only time my DH has put her in the front seat though....he tried to do it when him and my mom were taking our kids to dinner one night and she said something then to him and put my DD in the back in her booster. All this info came from DH I have not spoken to my parents about it yet.

lana22

wow, tough situation. are your parents there b/c they're babysitting after DH goes to work?

i think it's pretty bad that your DH thinks it's ok to stick kids in the front seat. maybe try to track down some videos/articles on child safety/accidents to scare him a bit? that would bother me a lot. your parents may be overstepping boundaries, but they are concerned about your kids' safety, as it seems like they should be. esp if your husband is rushing, he may not be driving safely either.

blu-eyedwife

I'm going to tread lightly here, because I think this isn't so much an issue about DH and your parents.

Is he currently taking his medications?  If he's stressed by the new job and whatever else is going on in your lives, it's really important he stay on them.
Have you guys been back to/started therapy?

I don't think your parents are necessarily in the wrong.  Mine always treated DH the same way they would treat me or my brother, he's their son (even if only in-law).  Which means they call 'em like they see him.  If my mom would bitch at me about my kid in the front seat, she would certainly bitch at DH about it. 

But the fact that he continues to engage in risky behavior, that you have discussed with him is unacceptable is the largest problem here.  And one that needs to be addressed before you can start worrying about whether your parents butt in too much.

njbride0603

lana22 said:

wow, tough situation. are your parents there b/c they're babysitting after DH goes to work?

i think it's pretty bad that your DH thinks it's ok to stick kids in the front seat. maybe try to track down some videos/articles on child safety/accidents to scare him a bit? that would bother me a lot. your parents may be overstepping boundaries, but they are concerned about your kids' safety, as it seems like they should be. esp if your husband is rushing, he may not be driving safely either.

yes they watch my youngest once a week. he admitted that he shouldn't do it....Not sure why he thinks its ok....there is a big sign in the car about children under a certain age can decapitated by the airbag! He still doesn't think my mom should have said anything....I tried to explain she was coming from a good place....she could have kept her mouth shut and told me

dancingmatilda

I would just ask your parents to in the future if they have a problem with DH to come to you about it. I understand their concern, but also understand that he felt jumped on.

blush64

I agree with some of what has already been said. I don't think your parents should be yelling at your husband but your husband should have put your child in the car properly. He has done it before and if he doesn't think it is a big deal he will probably do it again. That is a big problem. Honestly I don't think your dad needed to step in, your mom is a grown up and it only made things worse. After it was done, it was done. I would make different arrangements for the morning. 

Also, @MusicFillsMyHeart even if you are not getting on a highway or major road or driving at a significant speed there is no excuse for putting your child in danger. You can control your speed but you can't control other people. What if someone else is speeding or not paying attention? You can be driving very carefully down your family friendly street and be hit by someone else. Even being hit at a slower speed can cause injury. It might not be likely but why take that chance when you can avoid it easily.

EDIT I think it is an odd situation because your parents are right in wanting to protect their grandchild. Your husband is wrong in not having his child properly in the car. I just think they all need to handle things better.