My belly is NOT public property!

dbussolini

For the most part I haven't had too much of an issue with strangers rubbing my growing belly but lately it seems to have become an epidemic (possibly because i'm 38 weeks huge).  I was at the reception desk in my OB's office waiting to make another appointment and I got to talking to a woman in her 60s (ish).  She was very nice and was telling me about her daughter and granddaughter.  Before I left she reaches out rubs my belly while she wishes me an easy delivery.  Now, I greatly appreciate the wish for an easy delivery but couldn't she have wished it WITHOUT laying her hands on me?  

I don't mind when family and friends touch but I'm always so shocked when strangers touch my belly that by the time I recover from the shock to ask them to stop it's too late.  Doesn't anyone have any suggestions/tips on how to politely tell strangers to keep their paws to themselves?

Neesey

Rub their belly back. Stops 'email every time.

Amstreagle

I would just say "I'm sorry, baby's trying to rest." and push their hand away. They'll (hopefully) get the point after the 1st time otherwise I've heard of people reciprocating and grabbing the other person's belly which will be blunt and get the point across. However that's not something I'd be comfortable with as I respect personal boundaries.

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YogaSandy

I HATED people touching my belly. To me, it was a complete form of objectification (I know not everyone will agree). They're basically rubbing my ute. Whenever my mom would do it, I'd grab her boob. Told her it was the same thing. Now, obviously this won't work with / for everyone. I wouldn't have done it to people I wasn't close with (some people might though), but at least with mom and cousins, I'm hoping it at least gave them a different perspective and they'll think before touching someone else.

I just tried to stop people's hands and then told them not to do it, if I wasn't fast enough.

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jennypolkadots

I think you can avoid a lot of it with body language. Crossing your arms over you belly will convey that you don't want to be touched without being rude. And also just being self aware and watching other people as they approach so you can deflect some of it. No one has the right to touch you unless you want them to, and being pregnant is no exception. You don't need to feel apologetic for asking them not to touch you, it's your body and your baby! 

I love it when my husband touches my belly and talks to the baby, but it makes me feel awkward and sorta sick feeling when practically anyone else does it. That includes family. It feels like an invasion of privacy. There are just a few people that I don't mind so much, but mostly I really really hate it. I'm just weird though and have really high personal boundaries. So far strangers haven't touched me but I can guarantee they won't like my reaction if/when they do. 

After the baby is born this gets a lot worse, and you have to consider germs/smokers/etc. with your newborn. We're going to be using a sling/carrier in public so people can't reach for our child. I think I would lose it if a stranger tried to touch my baby. But once again, not everyone minds and some people really love the attention. The people who are trying to touch you or the baby probably enjoyed being touched when pregnant and think nothing of it. 

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UberBiz

I can't believe how many people have trouble with strangers touching their bellies. It's beyond me. I get comments all the time, and while I'm in the minority and actually don't mind if people reach out to feel the hugeness, no one has ever even made a move to touch. Even my mom has only laid her hand on the belly once the entire pregnancy. Maybe I just don't come off as that approachable?

jennypolkadots

@uberbiz - You're surprised that there are women who don't like their personal space invaded, especially during such an intimate time as pregnancy? I don't like being touched by strangers when I'm not pregnant and absolutely hate the extra attention the belly brings. 

Like you, it hasn't happened much to me but I really believe a lot of that is body language. There are other factors too like how often you are in public alone (I can't imagine strangers trying to touch you when you are tending to 3 other kids), how obviously pregnant you are, and how you dress. I have seen some women that were 9 months pregnant and could barely tell because they were bigger and dressed in baggier clothes, so I would never ask anything baby related just in case they weren't actually pregnant. As far as family trying to touch, I think it is more common with first time mothers. At least that seems to be the case in my family. 

I get where you're coming from, but the point is that no one ever has the right to touch you. 

ashiscute

jennypolkadots said:

@uberbiz - You're surprised that there are women who don't like their personal space invaded, especially during such an intimate time as pregnancy? I don't like being touched by strangers when I'm not pregnant and absolutely hate the extra attention the belly brings. 

Like you, it hasn't happened much to me but I really believe a lot of that is body language. There are other factors too like how often you are in public alone (I can't imagine strangers trying to touch you when you are tending to 3 other kids), how obviously pregnant you are, and how you dress. I have seen some women that were 9 months pregnant and could barely tell because they were bigger and dressed in baggier clothes, so I would never ask anything baby related just in case they weren't actually pregnant. As far as family trying to touch, I think it is more common with first time mothers. At least that seems to be the case in my family. 

I get where you're coming from, but the point is that no one ever has the right to touch you. 

I think she meant she's surprised that so many women are having to deal with strangers touching them. Not that they wouldn't want a stranger touching them. FWIW I never had a stranger touch my belly during either of my first two pregnancies so I think it's odd that a lot of ladies have had to deal with it.

UberBiz

ashiscute said:

@uberbiz - You're surprised that there are women who don't like their personal space invaded, especially during such an intimate time as pregnancy? I don't like being touched by strangers when I'm not pregnant and absolutely hate the extra attention the belly brings. 

Like you, it hasn't happened much to me but I really believe a lot of that is body language. There are other factors too like how often you are in public alone (I can't imagine strangers trying to touch you when you are tending to 3 other kids), how obviously pregnant you are, and how you dress. I have seen some women that were 9 months pregnant and could barely tell because they were bigger and dressed in baggier clothes, so I would never ask anything baby related just in case they weren't actually pregnant. As far as family trying to touch, I think it is more common with first time mothers. At least that seems to be the case in my family. 

I get where you're coming from, but the point is that no one ever has the right to touch you. 

I think she meant she's surprised that so many women are having to deal with strangers touching them. Not that they wouldn't want a stranger touching them. FWIW I never had a stranger touch my belly during either of my first two pregnancies so I think it's odd that a lot of ladies have had to deal with it.

Yes, thank you, that's what I meant, I can't believe that so many people have the audacity to just touch a stranger and that so many of you have had to deal with that invasion of personal space.

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jennypolkadots

@uberbiz - Oops, sorry! Totally misread that. I was thinking "wait, what?!" 

I haven't had a stranger try to touch me either. Some distant family made me uncomfortable trying to fondle me at Thanksgiving and I try to just ward it off. MIL is super touchy feely and it totally grosses me out and I have to sort of distance myself. I'm fine with a hug, but not Buddha belly rubs or people talking to my stomach! 

drpayne

My resting bitch face keeps people away.

wintersong139

It is really weird when you are a high school teacher and your students want to touch your belly. Normally touching is way off limits!! One student even tried to bargain for it. She said, "If I finish this assignment, can I touch your belly?" 

Yep, being pregnant is weird. 

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MapleMomma

I am very touchy-feely with friends and family, so my rule is that if I would hug you hello, goodbye, or just because, you are more than welcome to touch the belly all you want.

Anyone outside of that category though- its a no go!  If I can catch someone going in for the reach, I try to reach out and grab their hand. I then hold/shake their hand with both of mine and tell them how nice it is to see them again or w/e. Other times I simply back up, or if I don't catch them on time give them a glare.

I'm glad people are excited about the baby and but I'm sorry random Bath & Body Works employee- back off my belly!

tinyhumantoe

This gave me major anxiety with DD1 and now with this one I don't care for some reason.

The best was when someone touched my belly when I was 11 weeks.  I just giggled because they were basically touching a fat roll and a huge fart that I later got rid of.   

nikkitaplin

OH.  MY....I have no words...seriously speechless!

ladycersei said:

I automatically block their hand as soon as I see the approach. I get looks like WTF but I could care less. Don't touch me, that way YOU (they) can avoid feeling awkward. Some lady trying to sell me stuff at the mall went to grab my belly while trying to convince me to come over to her stand. I block her and she tells me I shouldn't feel ashamed and that I should embrace my belly. She goes to touch me AGAIN and this time I smack her hand rather hard. I told her that SHE doesn't have the right to embrace my belly so back the hell off. She got offended and backed away while going on about how the hormones must be affecting me. I told her my hormones aren't the issue, it her rudeness and walked off. People really tend to lose their damned minds when they see the belly. If you didn't help put this baby in here then don't freaking touch me. I haz no patience for that.

Bigboneded

@UberBiz‌ I haven't had any unwanted touching either. Maybe we are unapproachable. I'm an older big girl, maybe folk are just scared. I have had a couple people ask, and I let them. And my family.

And I agree that it would be disconcerting to have random strangers just reaching out and touching me. I am thankful it hasn't been an issue!