Second Baby Shower If Father is a first timer?

jennamom22

I had a baby shower for my first child (now 5) and am due with my second in March. My best friend wants to throw us a baby shower, since its my significant others first child, I am just wondering what the opinion is on having this shower, no need to be mean, just looking for honest opinions on if I should let my friend throw one or not. (She had or for her second baby with her S/o his first baby too)

prettypiggy

Hm I think it depends on your personality and family. Personally it may step on some peoples toes in your family but it is your life. Was the dad going to attend? I am a first time mom so maybe I'm clueless but I'm guessing you do not need the gifts. At work, we do something called a "sprinkle" for second time mom. It is simply a way of acknowledge the mom and baby without overdoing. I think in your situation I might try to go for something more low key like that. You said a friend was going to throw it. How about a dinner party for all your mutual friends male/female. One of my husbands friends did this, and it eliminated the need for gifts.

Amstreagle

I agree with @Idani word for word.

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janda426

Idani said:

Generally the rule of thumb is yes a shower is ok if it's his family that is invited as this is his first child.  Aside from possibly your mother and sister if you have any, your family should not be included as they welcomed you into motherhood previously.  

Yeah this. No need to invite the same people back for more gifts, it's totally fine to just have it be your SOs crowd.

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CivilMommy

I would make sure HE attends this shower since it is being thrown b/c he is a first time dad...but other than that, there's nothing wrong with it.

I'm assuming that you have a household together and the gift items will be used by him as well.  I would also assume that you probably didn't keep things between partners...5 years is a long time to store stuff.

greeneyed_bride

emmyg65 said:

Bliss+Berry said:

You should do a fun couples shower so yourDH can really enjoy it.

The type of shower she has will really depend on what the hostess decides. Since they are the one paying for and planning the party. Also, just an FYI, pretty much not one single man in my social circle would want to attend a baby shower. My H would rather lick a toilet seat. You really need to know your audience.

Definitely depends on your social circle. We had a couples' shower because half my friends are dudes and it was a lot of fun.

This. My husband definitely wouldn't want to attend a traditional baby shower, but we had a couple's shower that was basically just lots of food and hanging out. The guys played pool and wii while I opened the gifts, and there weren't any "cutesy" shower games.

tinybugsmom

Idani said:

Generally the rule of thumb is yes a shower is ok if it's his family that is invited as this is his first child.  Aside from possibly your mother and sister if you have any, your family should not be included as they welcomed you into motherhood previously.  

I would still invite your friends and family, not just his. Let them decide if they come or not.

It is my first, DHs 3rd. And his family and friends all have asked when the shower is.... they want to celebrate this baby and welcome me into motherhood along with my family and friends, even tho they attended a shower already with DHs first. I can understand this. If it were reversed I know my family and friends would be hurt if I didn't invite them to help DH celebrate his 1st.

FreddyisReady

I was under the impression that if someone from his side offers to throw a baby shower for you and invites mostly his side (excluding your close family if they choose to come; like mom, sister, BFF), then it's ok.

ordinary1

Generally the rule of thumb is yes a shower is ok if it's his family that is invited as this is his first child.  Aside from possibly your mother and sister if you have any, your family should not be included as they welcomed you into motherhood previously.  

I would still invite your friends and family, not just his. Let them decide if they come or not. It is my first, DHs 3rd. And his family and friends all have asked when the shower is.... they want to celebrate this baby and welcome me into motherhood along with my family and friends, even tho they attended a shower already with DHs first. I can understand this. If it were reversed I know my family and friends would be hurt if I didn't invite them to help DH celebrate his 1st.

First of all, whoever hosts gets to determine the guest list. Second, I think you're putting a bit much emphasis on a party. I don't think anyone would truly be hurt missing a shower, especially for a second plus child.

janda426

tinybugsmom said:

Idani said:

Generally the rule of thumb is yes a shower is ok if it's his family that is invited as this is his first child.  Aside from possibly your mother and sister if you have any, your family should not be included as they welcomed you into motherhood previously.  

I would still invite your friends and family, not just his. Let them decide if they come or not.

It is my first, DHs 3rd. And his family and friends all have asked when the shower is.... they want to celebrate this baby and welcome me into motherhood along with my family and friends, even tho they attended a shower already with DHs first. I can understand this. If it were reversed I know my family and friends would be hurt if I didn't invite them to help DH celebrate his 1st.

--end quote--

So because you're doing that she should too. Right.

padleylynn

Personally I would mention it to your close family members that your SO's family is throwing a shower but let them know that while their presence would be more then welcome (if its ok with the host), it is not expected because its your 2nd kid. I know my mother would be very hurt not to be included just because it is my 2nd child, however other relatives would enjoy being let off the hook so to speak. It really depends on how you think your family would react/feel.

ruby2315

x

blukats

I think it just depends on how your group of friends and family are like other said. Personally I have the type of family that will find a reason to celebrate everything. Whether on your 1st or 10th baby they will throw a shower, its just who they are. I think it would be nice to include you SO in it and welcome him to parenthood and celebrate the baby, but thats just me.

pinkiemo

I second blukats.

My family would be straight up pissed if they were left out of a party because I presumed they felt like they had done their job of "welcoming" me. 

Someone is offering to throw you a shower, talk to them about who they want to include on the guest list then let the invitees decide whether they want to attend or not.

FTR, I've never felt bad about being invited to celebrate someone's baby.  If it's not a first child they get a smaller gift just because of needs, but I would never not want to be invited because they were worried about looking like a gift grubber. 

LadyLumps40

Just do whatever you want. If your friend wants to throw it, let her. A lot of those baby shower rules are kind of stupid. 

mamayo26

emmyg65 said:

Sure, if it's a shower for the two of you and he's invited.

this and only this. A sprinkle maybe, but if she is doing it since this is your SO's first then he should be involved...my 2 cents.

janda426

LadyLumps40 said:

Just do whatever you want. If your friend wants to throw it, let her. A lot of those baby shower rules are kind of stupid. 

Nothing is stupid about etiquette.