Quit my job, eek...

tatithomas

Hi everyone, after over a year of hanging in the working moms forum, I've come to introduce myself here!  Two weeks ago I made the decision to quit my job.  I have a one year old and another due in a couple of months.  For the past year my MIL watched DS as I worked full-time at a demanding job.  I was constantly sad about missing milestones and DS spending more time with MIL than his own mom.  I didn't particularly love my job, but it was a very nice paying job that allowed DH and I to splurge occasionally and put a good amount of money away in savings.

A couple of weeks ago I missed DS's first steps and sat in my office crying.  I had been contemplating quitting for a while at that point, after my second was born, but that day was the tipping point and after a long conversation with DH that night I decided to pull the trigger.

I am SO looking forward to spending more time with DS before number two comes along and getting to raise them together, as a full-time mommy, once he does.  But I'm also having feelings of anxiety, fear, and regret.  Did I make the right decision walking away from a high paying position?  We will have to make many many financial sacrifices, including not being able to continue to save as we were - retirement, college, etc.  Will I be able to find a decent paying, but less demanding job in a few years after being out of work so long?  I wrestle with the good and bad feelings every day.  Anyone else here have a similar experience when they became SHMs?  What were yours like?

Thanks!!

DaisyZH

Welcome!

I think it's normal to be nervous about your decision.  It was easier for us because with daycare costs I would have brought home very little with one child and nothing with two.  Financially it made more sense for me to stay home.

I love being a SAHM but it's not for everyone.  It sounds like you put a lot of thought into your decision, I think you'll really enjoy it.  

rodiesmum

Soon to be SAHM chiming in, hoping u don't mind ladies.

Hi OP, We are on the same boat. Only i didn't take our company's retire-rehire offer here after the merger.will be working till EOY so I havent officially introduced myself here but ive been lurking alrdy for months.
Anyway we arr almost at the same sitch - hi paying job (that I enjoy with a great boss and ok level of flexibility), a toddler a another on the way. Have always wanted to SAH too.
I have the same fears as yours but I always tell myself that for me in the grand scheme of things id regret more the time i didnt even give staying at home a shot vs losing the great earning opportunity that i have. IMO I CNT take back the time when my kids are super needy but I can at least find a decent job and try to love it in case id decide to reenter the workforce. Good luck and as PP said aa long as the positives outweigh the negatvs, u shld be fine.

NicoleWI

I agree with Curling! Although I wanted to leave my job, I was still torn b/c it was a lot to give up in terms of career, status, income, benefits. It allowed us to be very secure and provided extra stability. Despite wanting to leave for several years, I still had a lot of mixed feelings when it was really time to take the plunge. And I also have fears about what will happen down the line, especially as I am already 39 and am not sure I would even want to go back to the same career. But, despite all that, I am so glad I left. This is just the right time for me to be at home with the littles and I'm so grateful to have the chance to do this while they are little. 

Knottie48097161

If you can't save for the future then no you did not make the right decision, your kids will appreciate not taking care of you financially in your old age far more than you being there for their first steps. If you can't afford to stay home then you have no business being home.

NicoleWI

Knottie48097161 said:

If you can't save for the future then no you did not make the right decision, your kids will appreciate not taking care of you financially in your old age far more than you being there for their first steps. If you can't afford to stay home then you have no business being home.

I don't think that's what she's saying. I interpreted it as going from financially very secure, able to do whatever/save lots, to having to actually focus on budgeting and saving, and saving less overall than in the past. 

tatithomas

NicoleWI said:

Knottie48097161 said:

If you can't save for the future then no you did not make the right decision, your kids will appreciate not taking care of you financially in your old age far more than you being there for their first steps. If you can't afford to stay home then you have no business being home.

I don't think that's what she's saying. I interpreted it as going from financially very secure, able to do whatever/save lots, to having to actually focus on budgeting and saving, and saving less overall than in the past. 

NicoleWI , you're right, I didn't mean I would save no money and go into debt and eventually be a burden on my kids, I just meant we'd have to scale back on a lot of things, including the amount we can save.  I also plan to re-enter the workforce eventually, I just know it probably won't be at a salary I walked away from.

bridetobe9132013

I was a toddler teacher making hardly any money so for us we are basically saving money by not having to put DD in daycare. I love staying home with her!

MesmrEwe

...and this is why I'm SO glad that DS's DCP has a "we don't spoil the milestone for the parents" theory...  They'll say "they're getting awfully close - any time now!" but will do their best to let the parents experience it "for the first time" because it's hard enough to be a working parent...

Linnea503

Congrats and welcome. I'm not sure if my $70,000 a year salary qualifies as high paying or not, but that is the salary I left behind (along with benefits that brought that value up to about six figures) when I left the working world two years ago. I have not had a single day of regret, but I built a ten year career that I appreciated but wasn't in love with. The only thing I miss are the office shenanigans. I'm an extrovert and always appreciated the antics my colleagues and I would come up with.

Because my H and I were always fairly financially conservative, a lot of our income went to savings when we both worked. Now, less goes to savings because there is less money overall but we are still in the black every year and manage to put aside money in college and retirement accounts. Also, when I am gifted or inherit money as I have in recent years it goes into savings. When I worked full time I may have been more inclined to have fun with the "extra" but now I sock it away.

I would like a new car and a standing Friday night babysitter, but other than that I don't really ever feel I am doing without. We are working towards affording both I just have to be more patient. My older son will be starting preschool next year, so we are working that into the budget.

Only time will tell if you will regret your choice. Personally I would rather live with the regret that I quit than live with the regret that I didn't. I'm not sure what line of work you were in, but I've been able to take on a very small few freelance projects to keep my resume at least a little current if I decide to go back to the same profession someday, although I would prefer to find something else to do if I decide to go back. 

mandymack

Welcome to the board and I second what everyone else who said it has said: it's normal to think-twice and wonder if you made the correct choice, if you might regret it, have anxiety over returning to the workforce, etc. I believe ALL life's changes present thoughts just like these but you chose what you felt was best for your family and are all living happily so, that's the best anyone can hope for.

I've been at home 9 years and haven't regretted a moment of it. Challenges come and go with each child's age/phase but because it's still what makes us ALL happy, I'm still enjoying it.

Keeptruckin

I don't get the people who say if you worry or wonder, or have to budget you shouldn't be at home? I mean, yeah, you need to pay your bills, save a bit, and not go into debt. Unless you make 50,000 a year and have a DH who makes 500,000 wouldn't anyone know you have to downscale to have one parent at home. The OP mentioned her salary allowed them to spurge, so what if you have to scale down the splurges a bit? That means different things to all of us. To some it may mean going from 2 tropical or European vacations a year to one, to others it means going to from name brand to generic brands. OP, it's totally normal to ponder what the change means to you. If it's not the right fit for your family, you can always choose to go back to work.

abookworm

Don't worry, same boat. Also just know it can take a while, like 3 years, to get used to not working anymore. Of course this varies widely upon individual.

Linnea503

Keeptruckin said:

I don't get the people who say if you worry or wonder, or have to budget you shouldn't be at home? I mean, yeah, you need to pay your bills, save a bit, and not go into debt. Unless you make 50,000 a year and have a DH who makes 500,000 wouldn't anyone know you have to downscale to have one parent at home. The OP mentioned her salary allowed them to spurge, so what if you have to scale down the splurges a bit? That means different things to all of us. To some it may mean going from 2 tropical or European vacations a year to one, to others it means going to from name brand to generic brands. OP, it's totally normal to ponder what the change means to you. If it's not the right fit for your family, you can always choose to go back to work.

Yes! Well said. There are lots of ways to be smart about it.

nemodancer

I think that's a great thing that you're staying at home with the LO. You did the right thing, don't feel bad! I did quit my job, before becoming a mom. I just hated my job and was constantly stressed out. We did have to cut back on some spendings though when I quit and it has been just my husband working, and now with a baby we're really watching our spending. But I wouldn't have it any other way. Someday I will probably go back to working!

JJMamma

tatithomasrodiesmum saying "as long as you feel that the positived outweigh the negatives".

EJChapman123

I have yet to meet a woman who regrets the decision to stay home with their kids.

I just walked away from a 70k a year job I liked a lot, because I just miss my kids too damn much.  It means less retirement savings, perhaps giving up on that beach home, and eating at home more often (good thing I love to cook).  Dropping a salary always involves sacrifices, and there is no one right answer for everyone.  And I am blessed, I know and recognize that.

Point is, GOOD FOR YOU!!! Welcome to SAHM.  You can always go back to work, you can't ever get these years back.  Enjoy every minute.  "Just" being a SAHM isn't a real thing.  You will do so much your head will spin.

Knottie48097161

farmrsboywife said:

If you can't save for the future then no you did not make the right decision, your kids will appreciate not taking care of you financially in your old age far more than you being there for their first steps. If you can't afford to stay home then you have no business being home.

You know, there are many reasons people who "can't afford it" SAH. Not everyone gets to have the silver spoon (which yours seams to be stuck where the sun don't shine) or an easy road.

interesting that now I have a silver spoon, or is it simply I make smarts choices, and you regret yours? This poster chose to quit her job and stay home and now can't afford to save. She made a poor choice that has nothing to do with me.