Did you have a birth partner or can you do it alone?

designchica

The father of my baby was going to be my partner, and still wants to be, but he has let me down so many times that I don't want him in the room, I think it will be too stressful and make my labor more difficult.  

I am considering doing it alone.  I have friends who offered to be there, but I'm considering declining the support, because I am doing hypnosis as my birthing method and I am worried that because they haven't had the training and didn't do the classes with me, it may actually be a distraction for them to be there. 

So wondering if any of you did this without any friends or family in the delivery room. If so, were you okay? Did you regret not having support there?  I'm a FTM so I have no idea what to except, but I want and need for the room to be very quiet and peaceful, not a lot of talking or distractions. 

MinnesotaMomma91

Personaly i had my sister in the room with me. Thats what i wanted. If you feel you best need to be alone you should.

But it doesnt hurt toask someone if they would come if you need them.

ST3WD

I've been contemplating the same thing for a while too. 

Minnesota has a good point to ask someone to be there just in case, and Bec's right about having established rules. 

I'm a FTM, but I think if I need support (up until pushing), I'll have my sister. She isn't super excited to be IN the delivery room during, but we've also had more of a rural upbringing and have attended several births, human or otherwise. 

Not. Ever. Glamorous. 

I'm hoping this kind of experience gives me some added peace of mind, having seen it first hand and all. 

I've tried telling others (especially the people I live with) that I don't want anyone else there, and none of them are respecting that so far. (They chatter about who will take pictures, cut the cord, etc.) I fully intend to have my nurse play the bad guy since they will NOT listen to me and "kick them out because hospital policy XYZ". 

Just like they can run a grab your stand-by support person, they can keep unwanted people out as well. Something to keep in mind. 

20thirteen

I had my mom with me. According to my birth plan I made with my doctor, she was the only one allowed in the room and everyone else had to be in the waiting room. I got there and I said "the ONLY part of this that I am 100% firm on is this part here. I will not bend on this." And that was the who was allowed in the room. And they made sure that that part was strictly followed. BD wasn't even allowed in the hospital, his picture was given to security.

I just am curious, so I hope this doesn't sound snarky... How does hypnosis help with delivery?

tig594

I, personally, would not want to do it alone.  I'd pick someone close to me to be there for the birth of my child if the BD wasn't going to be in the room.  Mom, sister, BFF, whatever.  Alone is too scary, and having someone with you to share the miracle of your LO being born is priceless.

preciousarethemoments

The father of my child was not being supportive during pregnancy and was stressing me out too... For complicated reasons I wanted him to be able to be there for the experience of meeting our child for the first time, but I knew he wouldn't be my support partner.  I actually brought my sister AND my my in the room.  I had also made it clear to him that if he was stressing me out he would be asked to leave and had to be ok with that.  Under those 'rules' he was in the room.  I don't regret my decision.

ST3WD

I've considered asking my mom, and I know she'd say yes. She's expressed that she wants my wishes fulfilled and would do anything I asked for her first grandchild.

The problem is she lives in a different state right now due to all of the legal problems in our family and may not be able to visit until after the baby comes. That seems like a lot of variables to me. I only feel comfortable with her or my sister (and obvious medical staff). The thought of anyone else stresses me out right now. 

But from the sounds of everyone else's responses, I may be better off with finding someone I can tolerate rather than be alone... Thoughts?

20thirteen

I am loving that gif! But, anyway...:

If you'd feel more comfortable going alone, then go alone.  If you'd feel more comfortable having a support system, bring a support system.  And by "support system" I mean 1 or 2 people. The doctor isn't going to tolerate a roomful of friends and family (herp derp). BD's mom asked me if she could be in the room with me and I thought about it (at the time the relationship between her and I was not strained) and decided against it because it seemed weird to me to have her there.  You know, with me exploding a watermelon from my vag that her son clearly wants no connection to.

Think about specific people and then think about how them being around would effect you.  If you think "man, I *love* this girl but after 5 min she can get to be annoying!", it's probably best to not let her in the room.  That's just kind of the way I thought about it.  I wanted to ask my sister to be there with me but at that time our relationship was starting to deteriorate, because of DD.  BD has actually seen DD more than my sister has even looked at her.  Its sad.

Don't think "I should probably ask [so-and-so] because [this reason] and [that reason]." because that might increase your stress level.  Plus, it might make things more strained in the delivery room.  And you don't want that.

ST3WD

@20thirteen Thanks! I do too, but the board may veto it. Someone already said she was creeped out by it.  

That was my reasoning of wanting no one if not those two. I feel like it should be an obvious name that pops into your head as someone who would make a good support system, and the fact I have to analyze it makes it seem better to go alone. 

I'd be lying to say I'm not scared. It's not so much a "I don't know what will happen" scared, but a "I hope everything goes well and LO is safe and healthy" nervous. Does that make sense? I'd hate, God FORBID, something to be wrong and for me to be unable to accompany baby to the NICU immediately. Would a nurse be able to grab my sister/requested family member from the waiting area soon enough to stay with her, or would there be a 10+minute delay?

kelly136

I had the father and my mom with me and honestly it didn't make much difference as far as dealing with the actual delivery. I was in such a zone from all the emotions and weird physical sensations that I wouldn't have cared who was coaching me through. Our family and friends visited immediately afterward and that was fine. It's all such a crazy, scary, painful blur so it's really just about you concentrating on the process.

MinnesotaMomma91

@St3wd for mos of my labor it was just me and my sister. Bfs lead wouldnt let him leave work. He got there about two hours after i was clear to start pushing.

My stubborn ass refused to push until bf was in the delivery room.

But my sister was the best. She was calm and level headed while i was having aweful contractions before my epidural. She made sure i always had something to throw up in because my contractions were so bad.

She made sure i had water and juice after my epidural she kept relaxing shows off the telivison. I had this one nurse who drove me crazy with play by play updates on the royal baby and my sister kept shutting her down. She also backed me on not wanting pitocin because i didnt want b to be born before bf got there.

My sister and bf acted as bouncer when friends started comming to see b while i was trying to nurse/pump.

So in short. If you want your mom or sister there they will be your biggest advocate.

ST3WD

I'll probably stick with my original plan then. Sister for laboring, she can step out for pushing, a little bonding time with me and baby, no one's the wiser or butthurt.  

@MinnesotaMomma91 The royal baby? Really? She should know the only baby you cared about was coming out of you! 

MinnesotaMomma91

@St3wd at that point all i cared about was not emptying the contents of my stomach and not having b before bf got there.

My sister told the nurse niether her or i cared if princess kate gave birth to a puppy. As far as we cared i was the only woman in labored that night.

ST3WD

I may have gotten a little too giggly at the idea of the royal couple announcing to the world that something like this had come out of Kate.

MinnesotaMomma91

Hahahaha i feel like that is way to cute! also i do think prunce george is the cutest celebrity baby ever.

Side bar: is he even technically a celebrity baby? Cause yeah his parents are famous but him and his dad will be the king some day. So they arent technically celebrities.